Flemingovia steps up to the podium, and addresses the press. “Thank you all for coming, and I do not wish to keep you long. I will read a short statement, and then take questions from the press.
For a long time I have felt that the political parties in Taijitu do not really represent the heart and soul of most of our members. They do not represent ordinary people, their hopes and aspirations.
The stance that Taijitu has taken on a number of issues recently have convinced me that a new force is at work in Taijitu, one which I am proud to champion and represent.
That is why I am today founding the APATHY PARTY OF TAIJITU, or APT, because I believe that apathy is most APT description of the stance of the region.
Thank you, I will now take questions:
“Mr Flemingovia, what will be the foreign policy of APT?”
“Foreign policy? I do not understand? As the Apathy Party we will do nothing about foreign policy. If an international crisis arises, we will stick our heads up a bit, look bewildered, and go “Meh. Can’t be arsed”.
I’m afraid I am going to have to press you on this one. Is the APT pro-raider or pro-defender?
Raiding takes up a lot of energy. Frankly, we can’t be bothered. Defending is hard work as well. Far better just to sit in Taijitu and watch the world go by.
Specifically, what is your opinion on the recent actions of Durnia?
I believe I speak for most of Taijitu here when I say “meh”. I am told that the wider NS world occasionally goes through periods of crisis, which involves lots of activity and action and excitement. Frankly, I shudder at all of this. APT will continue the proud tradition of Taijitu. International appeals for help will not fall on deaf ears, it is just that when you look up, you will see the flying fuck we do not give.
Mr Flemingovia, what will be your first actions should the APT achieve power?
Actions? I am afraid I do not understand the question.
What would you do?
Do? Same problem, I am afraid.
Mr Flemingovia, what is your opinion on the Govindia trial?
Under the Apathy party, the judicial system would be simple. We can’t be arsed.
Mr Flemingovia, how do people join the Apathy Party?
Ah, here is the good part.
You see, because we are an Apathy party, the way you signify your support of us is by NOT joining the party. That’s right – we are breaking the mould of conventional politics. Be apathetic. Do not join. Support our cause.
That is why I am pleased to report that the Apathy Party of Taijitu has an immediate membership of around 1300. I cannot be bothered to look up the exact figure, but this surely makes us by far the largest political party not only in taijitu, but in the whole of Nationstates.
Mr Flemingovia, do you really believe in Apathy?
I do, and I believe that most Taijituans do too. We have over 1300 nations, but only 26 senators. Even among the involved of the region, talk has replaced activity. People ask, “what is the underlying principle of the region” and the best answer folks can come up with is “Neutrality”.
Neutrality has been used to encourage non-engagement, which is one of APTs key principles.
John F Kennedy once said “ the hottest places in hell are reserved for those who in a period of moral crisis maintain their neutrality” but in APT we disagree. We will languorously pursue the policy of screaming “neutrality” every time anyone suggests doing anything.
We Believe in Apathy.
When you think of neutrality, what do you think of? I’ll tell you. The Swiss. Probably the most boring nation on earth. But if we are to be neutral, let’s be neutral and proud of it!
Prove it by NOT joining APT – the Apathy party of Taijitu.
Thank you, I have no more time for questions, but I will end by singing our party song:
Hakuna Matata! What a wonderful phrase
Hakuna Matata! Ain't no passing craze
(sing with me!)
It means no worries for the rest of your days
It's our problem-free philosophy
Hakuna Matata!
