Pirates or Ninjas? (Home of the Taijituan Pirates! Yarr!)

[Rock Briken]

Capt'n Khab thinks Trey's probably right, so she whips out that Mighty Spatula of Dooooom and sets it to auto-thwap.  She strikes a pose fitting for a pirate, with one foot on the rum barrel, and yells back to the interloper.

Arrrrrrr I be the fat slop around here!  Er... I be the Capt'n around here!  Who be you?  State yer purpose!  Friend or foe?  Answer me quick or it's no cookies fer you!

AHHHHHH i found the legendary FAT SLOP. Of course i am a friend and was that quick enough.

[Khablan]

Who ye callin' a fat slop??  It's just the grass skirt.  Makes me girlish bottom look bigger 'n it is.  OW!  Jack, quit with the coconuts, will ye??  A'right, row yerself t' shore and we'll see about the cut o' yer gib.  What good are ye?  Any good at catchin' shark?  Pillagin'?  Mendin' sails?  Got yer own parrot?

[Rock Briken]

"Why do ye want ay man like me to come al the way over ther to talk to you. You cud' steal me ship."

"But to answer yer question im not really good at anidig ecep captinin me own destroya.

[Bara]

WAAAAAGH!

[Cyadkuso]

 *Walks out of the grass hut on the beach.*
Whats all the shouting about? Oh, its Bara. And there's a party?
*Drags a keg of rum from the hut over to the party.*
There's my contribution to this shindig. Lets drink.
*Taps the keg and pours some pints for the Cap'n and the ninjas.*

[The Empire]

***Unidentified Arleigh-Burke class destroyer detected***

***Calcualting threat level***

***Threat level: moderate***

***Calculating response***

***Response determined***

*walks up to a spot on the beach, shoves Barak and a pile of coconuts out of the way and starts a determined-looking digging operation*

[Larry]

*takes a pint of rum from Cyad*

Well, I'd prefer a nice glass of distilled water, but whatever.

*gulps down the rum, gets drunk immediately, and falls in Emp's hole*

[Khablan]

Water???  Ye know what fish do in water, don't ye???

[Larry]

Swim?

Anyway, water gets filtered and whatnot, I'm not just gonna drink it straight out of the sea.

Besides...

*peers at the dubious lumps floating in the rum*

[The Empire]

*doesn't notice Larry falling into the hole and continues digging... The growing pile of sand behind  starts turing red from slivers of shredded meat and bone...*

[Larry]

*Larry climbs out of the hole and looks down at the bloody stumps where his legs used to be*

Well, that's just fantastic.

*crawls over to the shade of a sand dune and sits in silence, glaring at Emp*

[The Empire]

*continues digging determinedly*

[Khablan]

Them lumps is protein.  Arrrrr now look what ye did.  Gone an' lost yer legs. 

Now then, who be volunteerin' to make Larry some peg legs??

[Khem]

* The Wonderful PUR finds a set of big tenacles and somehow replaces Larry's legs with more tentacles than he started out with.

[Khablan]

Leave it to PUR to come up with the creative approach.