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Author Topic: how to survive a WWII warfilm  (Read 2722 times)

Offline LLANYDERN

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how to survive a WWII warfilm
« on: June 27, 2007, 02:45:34 PM »
1. don't play the harmonica or mutter wistfully about home (most definitely don't show people the picture of your girl/new born child)

2. If shot but it bounces off your helmet do not then take your helmet of to check, you will be shot in the head again.

3. If someone comes up with a crazy/stupid idea it will work, especially if someone says "its a one in a million chance but it might just work"

4. don't worry about your gun jamming/running out of ammo, this only happens when you opponent also has the same problem

5. All american units will have the following: 1. a hispanic, 2. an irish american, 3. a native american, 4. a mid west farm boy, 5. an itallian american, 6. someone from the bronx (it seems this area of new york supplies the american military with at least 10-20% of their personnel), 7. a southern backwoodsman, 8. an asian, 9. a afro american (note that 3. 8. and 9. it depends on who/when the film was made)

6. All British units will have the following 1. a criminal neredowell who's life changes due to his life in the army, 2. a cockeny generally called ginge, 3. someone who will get a letter telling of woe back home who will escape only to be caught usually at the train station, 4. someone who used to work in the factory where they make the weapons used by the unit, 5. a welshman (called taff), 6. a scottish soldier, 7. possibly an Irish soldier, 8. a harsh Sergeant who in reality likes his men, 9. a plumy officer who thinks his men are jolly good chaps.

I don't have anger issues I just prefer to solve my problems with violence!

Offline Flemingovia

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Re: how to survive a WWII warfilm
« Reply #1 on: June 27, 2007, 03:42:36 PM »
7. Never start any sentence with "when I get home...."

8. Do not be on point, or last man, or the radio operator, or the guy with the flamethrower.

9. If you see a group of muddy soldiers coming towards you, do not stand up and wave. Underneath the mud they are wearing German blue.

10. DO NOT attack that panzer with a bazooka. It will kill you. Run at it with a hand granade, or better yet, a can opener. The crappier the weapon, the better your chance of survival.

11. Fix bayonets? What? Are you mad?

12. Don't light a cigarette at any time, especially at night. Snipers, duh.

13. Do not confess to owning a dog back home. You will die just so the director can show the dog pining for you at the train station.

14. If the Japanese commandant asks "who did it" DO NOT PUT UP YOUR HAND.

Offline Solnath

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Re: how to survive a WWII warfilm
« Reply #2 on: June 27, 2007, 04:11:42 PM »
9. If you see a group of muddy soldiers coming towards you, do not stand up and wave. Underneath the mud they are wearing German blue.

Reminds me of "The Good, Bad and the Ugly."
Neutral Evil

Offline Tacolicious

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Re: how to survive a WWII warfilm
« Reply #3 on: July 02, 2007, 02:09:58 AM »
15. Don't be a nazi

16. If you are a nazi, be the bumbling idiot nazi

17. If you're a sniper remember what your grandfather taught you as a young boy in the Urals

18. You never hear the one that gets ya... how'd they figure that out anyways?
http://www.nationstates.net/wheresoever

"Reality is an illusion albeit a persistant one"
"Wisest is he who knows he is not wise"
"Nothing is fun when you have to do it, that's why you don't see a lot of old whores giggling over sex"


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Offline Delfos

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Re: how to survive a WWII warfilm
« Reply #4 on: July 02, 2007, 04:25:12 AM »
the nazi theory isn't correct, alot of nazis survive WWII movies, although most of those who survive die at the end *points at "Das Boot" <-great submarine movie* let's say more than 99,9% of the nazis in WWII movies survive.

19. Never get out of your foxhole to pee during a blitzkrieg/artillery strike.
20. If a projectile crashes in front of you but it doesn't explode, don't worry, it won't.
21. Never disrespect an order.

Offline Tacolicious

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Re: how to survive a WWII warfilm
« Reply #5 on: July 02, 2007, 04:35:11 AM »
22. Screw historical accuracy, get a Gundam or some other kind of giant armored robot
http://www.nationstates.net/wheresoever

"Reality is an illusion albeit a persistant one"
"Wisest is he who knows he is not wise"
"Nothing is fun when you have to do it, that's why you don't see a lot of old whores giggling over sex"


Delicious Comrade of the most Awesome Party

Offline Bara

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Re: how to survive a WWII warfilm
« Reply #6 on: July 02, 2007, 03:54:13 PM »
22. Screw historical accuracy, get a Gundam or some other kind of giant armored robot

 :clap:

23. If you are the rough grizzled vet that held his friend while he was dying and your tasked with procting a Windtalker, your going to die.
Bara, King of Spam, Slayer of Spelling, Vanquisher of Grammar.

Offline The Empire

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Re: how to survive a WWII warfilm
« Reply #7 on: July 05, 2007, 09:06:42 PM »
24. ALWAYS wear a high yellow hat, it will get shot plenty of times, but you won't, plus it's handy for storing things in.

Join the Word Bearer legion and brin glory to the dark gods! Taijitu stalker extraordinaire - no Taijituan presses a key without my knowledge, Resident Cannibal - I prefer females, Resident ginormous dragon - It is not a good idea to mess with a dragon who is packing heavy firepower

Offline Khablan

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Re: how to survive a WWII warfilm
« Reply #8 on: July 05, 2007, 09:16:11 PM »
Terribly practical of you, Emp.  I commend you.
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Offline The Empire

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Re: how to survive a WWII warfilm
« Reply #9 on: July 06, 2007, 03:34:39 PM »
25 Don't use bayonets in close combat, they are bound to get stuck in someone. sharpened entrenching tools are much more effective and can double as wood-axe and subsequently frying pan in a pinch.
26 Eat any food lying around, after having checked for poison and provided it isn't looking completely unedible, as soon as possible.

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Offline Delfos

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Re: how to survive a WWII warfilm
« Reply #10 on: July 06, 2007, 03:49:21 PM »
27. If there's a sniper around, NEVER! try to look where he is, stay down out of any sight! Unless you're a good guy sniper, those seem immune to enemy snipers and most likely will shoot down this hiding bastard.

Offline Bara

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Re: how to survive a WWII warfilm
« Reply #11 on: July 06, 2007, 04:17:46 PM »
28. f you are defending cartean, just keep shooting forward. They will never break the line. Oh, and at night, while the germans are sinig dont ask, "WTF?!?!". Just sneak up and kill them.s
Bara, King of Spam, Slayer of Spelling, Vanquisher of Grammar.

Offline Tacolicious

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Re: how to survive a WWII warfilm
« Reply #12 on: July 06, 2007, 04:52:28 PM »
24. ALWAYS wear a high yellow hat, it will get shot plenty of times, but you won't, plus it's handy for storing things in.

But then won't your stuff get all shot up?
http://www.nationstates.net/wheresoever

"Reality is an illusion albeit a persistant one"
"Wisest is he who knows he is not wise"
"Nothing is fun when you have to do it, that's why you don't see a lot of old whores giggling over sex"


Delicious Comrade of the most Awesome Party

Offline Bara

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Re: how to survive a WWII warfilm
« Reply #13 on: July 06, 2007, 05:46:34 PM »
Taco does have a point

*washes mouth out with soap after saying that*s
Bara, King of Spam, Slayer of Spelling, Vanquisher of Grammar.

Offline The Empire

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Re: how to survive a WWII warfilm
« Reply #14 on: July 06, 2007, 06:25:04 PM »
Depends on what you store there, if it's a kitten or a puppy it will never even get a scratch, if it's a canteen or a bottle of shnapps... you better have a towel handy

Join the Word Bearer legion and brin glory to the dark gods! Taijitu stalker extraordinaire - no Taijituan presses a key without my knowledge, Resident Cannibal - I prefer females, Resident ginormous dragon - It is not a good idea to mess with a dragon who is packing heavy firepower