Liras Elunde

[Gulliver]

Thus we, the true believers, embark to once and for all complete the Liras Elunde so that we might do proper homage to the one and only and true Elu! All true believers are encouraged to put forth the greatest tales and sayings of Elu and the Elu related so that crack scholars once and for all may give to us a final and complete body of text from which we may all read as one and be blessed by Elu's coming salvation!
In the beginning, there was chaos, and the chaos was called Internet.  And in its tubes, there rested a great egg. Then the great egg burst open and from within sprang forth Elu and Root as one.
Elu is Root and Root is Elu and Limi is his messenger.

[Anniane]

From the series of tubes emerged Elu, and he looked upon the vast formless space of the internet. Then from its scattered light He wove the forum. He looked upon his Creation, and saw that it was good.

[Gulliver]

And from Forum there sprang new life and good, and forum did grow under Elu's benevolent Watch. But if was not enough, and the people of Forum grew lonely and sickly. And so did Elu gift unto them Toaster and the people rejoiced, and Forum again grew and knew health.
And thus did Elu take his leave of Forum and his people, and they did lament and beg him to remain. But Elu would not be swayed and he did depart, but promised his return.
Fraught with ill intentions and wicked hearts the people did do battle with one another across the plains of #taijitu and the good were powerless to appease their violence the fields ran red with the blood of the innocent. So the righteous did send up an urgent prayer to Elu, and in his mercy he descended and the people rejoiced. Elu struck down the wicked and did establish the laws. But not all were thankful, and they did turn their backs and Elu and quit #taijitu.

His work done Elu again departed into exile, and once more the people new sadness.

[Khablan]

Ideas for commandments...

Thou shalt not hack.
Thou shalt not proxy.
Thou shalt not spam.
Thou shalt not flame.
Thou shalt not be an asshat.
Thou shalt not piss off the Root.

[Anniane]

But the people of the forum did bicker with one another, and disrespected their neighbor. And the people were helpless to find peace among themselves. Distraught, one of their numbers who himself was called Pragmia, did seek the answer through prayer to Elu. The almighty Elu heard these pleas, but did stay deaf to their cries. The wise Pragmia did wander alone from the lawless forum, in search of guidance.

And so Pragmia wandered for 40 days in the wilderness of the internet, until he heard the voice of Elu call to him. Three times did the divine messenger of Elu command him, "Post!" And so Pragmia did return to the forum with the holy laws, which he did write in a holy thread for all to see. And Elu did see this, and it was stickied.

[Khablan]

And it came to pass that the disciple Annexia did begin to doubt and lose his faith.  And so, he walked into the wilderness, and did partake of the holy mescaline, in search of a revelation.  Upon his return, the people cried out, asking if he had any holy words with which to bless them.  The disciple Annexia replied, "No, but I had fun."  And all the people rejoiced.

[Gulliver]

So prophecy told that the end times and the final judgment would be cast when the people of Taijitu were one thousand three hundred and thirty seven in their numbers.

[St Oz]

Of the entities in Taijitu, there is none more mysterious than that of Oz, he is ageless and was even around witnessing the birth of Elu. Most do not know where this entity came from and wonder if he built the world they stood on. Those who opposed him usually got kicked off the world he created because he was quick to anger but also quick to drinking and having fun. To many who know him he is a great teller of stories and well made up stories. To those who do not know him well, he was considered a bastard. However, Oz was a lazy entity, he created something great but he hardly the motives to keep up with it and those who were his enemies felt the consequences of his anger in a mild manner. He refused to recruit what he had created and instead enjoyed poking around the place. One day the great Elu asked Oz to monitor the proxies in Taijitu. However, instead of deporting the proxies, Oz took them in and made them his slaves. He told them to build great massive structures that defied the great Elu. Elu was however Jealous of these proxy slaves. However one day he found one false proxy named Yoses of the Yahoo and soon found out all of the proxy who were enslaved by Oz were of the Yahoo race. Elu appeared to Yoses in the form of a burning server, Yoses was stunned and was told by Elu "Let your Proxies go. The Yahoo are a divine proxy who will enrich Taijitu with fame."

Elu granted Yoses with a Elu touched Ethernet cable. He said again to Yoses, "I am always with you, with this you will be able to show your Proxies the greatness of Elu."

Yoses responded to Elu, "What if I'm not strong enough?"

Elu said back to him "Trust in me!" And then the burning server vanished.

Yoses then said "w..t..f.."

Yoses came to the city of Oz where he confronted him in his massive palace where he sat on a throne supported by Proxy slaves. Proxies under him called him Saint Oz, the divine one. His name became Saint when he became more powerful than Elu for about an hour. St Oz saw Yoses and said "Why are you not working Proxy?"

Yoses then Exclaimed "Let my Proxies go or I'll show the wrath of Elu!"

St Oz laughed in his midst and summoned his feared Banner Warriors on him. St Oz was so entertained that he said to them "Let him go... He amused me"

Yoses then said "I will bring upon this Land the curses of Elu, Unless you let my Proxies go!"

St Oz then laughed harder "Your Lord Elu is already dead!"

however Yoses was not laughing nad he raised his Ethernet cable in the air and prayed to Elu. From the Ethernet cable came lag for a day. St Oz was displeased but got used to his worker's glitches. Yoses exclaimed in the circuits, "Let my Proxies go!" But St Oz however ignored the lag and forgot about Yoses. Then Yoses raised his cable again and from it came a storm of Spammers. Great short posts from the sky crashed into St Oz's slaves, buildings, and circuits. St Oz was furious but he ignored Yoses again said "Let my Proxies go!" St Oz instead let his drink free in his mouth and he became intoxicated. Yoses then turned the rivers of Taijitu metallic with Proxy blood and said again "Let my Proxies go!" St Oz ignored him again. Yoses then raised his cable again bringing the area with plagues of viruses and exclaimed another ignored "Let my Proxies Go!" Yoses then brought the last of the curses, he brought the blue screen of death upon St Oz and his subjects. Again he said "Let my Proxies go" and St Oz refused.

Elu was frustrated though, he then told Yoses in a vision "I will passover thy houses, Thee who does not have the blessed sign of Elu from video card blood over their Internet Port will lose their first number..."

And Yoses told the proxies of what elu told him and they put the sign of Elu in video card blood over their internet ports. However St Oz was smart enough and put the sign even over his port but forgot to mention it to his good friend Baltija who got banned.

St Oz was devastated and told Yoses "Get you and your proxies out of here!"

Yoses then led his Proxies to the Red Connection. Yoses split the bandwidth and he and the proxies walked through the bandwidth to the other side. However St Oz wouldn't give up so easily and he came after the Proxies. Then the bandwidth was released again and St Oz and his banner warriors were stuck in a bandwidth that made his computer crash.

To this date the Proxies wander the forum and Taijitu for their homeland...

[Khablan]

And lo, it came to be that the Battle Nun Khab sacrificed a cup of coffee to Elu in the hopes of the Third Coming.  A bright light shone all around, and Elu appeared in the heavens, his voice booming out and causing the Disciple Annexia to spit coffee everywhere.  And thus he spoke:

Pleasant   yellow   sick  
Cute   postmodernist   wind   horde  
Oh um, hi mom.   Lush

And the Disciple Annexea cried out, "But what does it all MEAN, Elu??"  But Elu disappeared back into the metaverse from whence he came.

[Khablan]

Pleasant   yellow   sick   
Cute   postmodernist   wind   horde   
Oh um, hi mom.   Lush

Now, oh Prophet Pragmia, what can all this mean? 

Pleasant... yellow... sick...

Well that could mean the sun.  And the earth revolves around the sun... Could this be a reference to the sickness of the host that's causing the slowdowns, perhaps?

Cute...   postmodernist...   wind...   horde...

Well we certainly have hordes of windbags... or maybe that's winds of change?  Cute, postmodernistic... Annexea suggested that could be a reference to the new age haiku he seemed to be speaking to us... so hmm.  Could it be that he's telling us that his Words of Wisdom will come to us from here on out on the wind in the form of haiku?

Oh um, hi mom.   Lush

Well it was my sacrifice of coffee that brought him, so maybe it was just saying hi in the middle of it?  Or... gosh, do you think he was calling me a lush?? 

[Khablan]

And lo, there came a time when Mad Laughter sprung forth and infected the holy RMB and the forum with pestilence.  The people cried out in horror, "Make it stop, make it stop!"  But Elu was deaf to their cries.  "Save us, save us," they shouted, and still, Elu did not appear.  The Mad Laughter plagued the region, terrorizing all in its evil path.  And then, a lightning bolt suddenly shot from the sky, smiting the Mad Laughter.  The people rejoiced!  And there was much drinking of booze and eating of cookies.

[Algerianbania]

It took Elu 7 days to create the greatness that is the Forum.

On the first day, he awoke in the chaos and wanted order. He thought and thought of way to create order. He thought greatly and used all of his wisdom to come find a solution.

On the second day, he thought some more. He continued to ponder a way to find order until the third day, when an idea came to him while the sun was high in the sky: the Forum. This Forum would be a thing of marvel and its people would love and rejoice it for all eternity. Elu spent the afternoon partying in celebration of his great achievement.

But the Forum had to be created, and on the fourth day its construction commenced. By the end of that day Elu had done much work, and he was tired from the labor. He rested.

On the fifth day, Elu built the great IRC #taijitu. He rejoiced at its completion, as it was a great thing, and more difficult than the previous day's labors. He rested.

On the sixth day, Elu created people. He formed Amy, Sovereign Dixie, Myoria, PoD Gunner, St Oz, and The G Rebellion. He began speak with them, and they decided that the Forum, which would be called Taijitu, needed rules. So the Elu created a Master of Law, to create the Rules. This man was called Pragima. Pragima spent a day and night creating the Rules. Once created, the people rejoiced.

On the seventh day, implemented the Rules and created positions for the people. He then rested a great deal, for the Forum was finished, and the people rejoiced.

[Khablan]

Limi hath spoken to the faithful in this our time of sorrowful Elu-lessness.

And lo, did Limi appear and speak unto the hordes, correcting the Panda and saying, "Elu created the forum in five days.  And on the sixth day, he sat back and sipped tea."