"I have written my vows as well, oh Great and Holy Oz. I, Alana, do today vow with an uplifted spirit to join myself in sexy matrimony with PUR, the love of my days and the joy of my nights. Hereafter I swear to sing her to sleep when she cannot rest, to dance with her when happiness is most bountiful, to make silly faces in the mirror when I know she's watching. I shall be abhorrently ridiculous in public to cheer her, defend her from strange men who seek to intrude upon our union, and be her confidant, counselor, lover, and, most of all, her friend.
I do hereby take this most lovely of women, PUR, to be my somewhat-lawfully wedded woman, from this day forth, until such time as one or both of us are corpses in the ground or we get tired of it. Amen."
