Thou mayest find salvation in the five second rule, unless it is the third Sunday of any month with an R in it, or when the moon is in the seventh house, or when Jupiter aligns with Mars. On those exception days must thou kneel toward the Holy Ovens and offer the sacred prayer, "If you want me to eat that cookie, give me no sign." And if thou receivest no sign, then thou mayest eat the cookie. Unless five seconds have already passed. In which case, thou snoozeth, thou loseth.
