International Community Comes Doorknocking

[Gulliver]

The international community has appealed to Taijitu Founder to increase humanitarian aid to the world's poorer nations.

1. "We must increase foreign aid," says beaded local peace activist Fanny Usman. "Compared to some of these nations, Taijitu Founder is swimming in tais. Let's face it, not every nation in the world is lucky enough to have a government like ours. Let's show some compassion to our less economically gifted neighbors."

2. "Talk about a way to flush tais straight down the toilet," argues Think Tank member Virginia Tan. "What I've noticed is that whenever we do give something, it's never enough: a few years later they're back asking for more. The best way to help these poor nations is to stop shielding them from the logical consequences of their idiotic, long-debunked socialist economic policies."

3. "Relief wouldn't hurt us... if we 'relieved' the right countries," suggests government advisor Imogen Obama. "We give them a little humanitarian aid, they give us access to their Beef-Based Agriculture markets... it's win-win. Nothing wrong with a little quid pro quo, especially for a good cause."