The Myrorian Gazette - Bringing you unbalanced and fair news.

[Myroria]

The Myrorian Gazette.
_{Fair and ^unbalanced news for you, the simple Myrorian.}

Hanso had raunchy, dirty sex with the Queen in some bushes!


_{A picture of the event, censored for your virgin eyes.}

Alvar Hanso, the godless, crazy rich guy with his own city, had sex with our Catholic and most sultry Queen. We weren't being paid to print this. We swear. Anyway, Hanso is generally agknowledged to have paid our fair queen to have sex with him. He does have like, eight gatrillion marks after all. We weren't being paid to write this. Praise the Lord.

[Myroria]

The Myrorian Gazette.
_{Fair and ^unbalanced news for you, the simple Myrorian.}

We lied.

We'll just tell you ahead of time that this nor the last report were we paid to print. A funny story actually, one of our reporters told us that "Hanso didn't have sex with Fredrika" and we misunderstood him. It's funny the way things happen, ain't it? Well, in any case, don't believe our last report because we lied. Again, we weren't being paid to print that. We swear. Praise the Lord.

[Myroria]

The Myrorian Gazette.
_{Fair and ^unbalanced news for you, the simple Myrorian.}

You know that new handgun?

Bustos-21 came out with the HoMeBoY pistol earlier this week. They plan to sell it to street gangs in "foreign cities". They claim that they and their "posse" will be "kings o' da hood" with it. Just remember, kings o' da hood: Our firing squad's rifles beat your lame handgun. Praise the Lord for Winchesters.

[Myroria]

The Myrorian Gazette.
_{Fair and ^unbalanced news for you, the simple Myrorian.}

The Bishop of Pelagis died.

The Pontiff of the Myrorian Catholic Church, Leo XVI, died of pnuemonia in his Palace today at 12:06 PM, Myrorian Standard Time. The Cardinals carried his body through Pelagis before entering the conclave. One cardinal, His Eminence Klaus Jugins, said that "The Pontiff was sick with a bad cold for some time before it became pnuemonia." The pope was 81. Leo was most famous for his remarks decrying Buddhism in the 1980's, saying that "No religion should follow a mere mortal before God" and "Buddha was no greater a man than myself.". He achieved support in the Islamic and Jewish communities, saying that "The Jews didn't deserve Baltija's Holocaust and the Muslims don't deserve the DSA's own brand of it.".


The contenders for the Papacy

Our crackpot theologists here at the Myrorian Gazette have chosen the following people as the most likely to be the next pope:



Wojciech Czcibor - His conservative views make him the top canidate among the people - he was also chosen by Leo as "a worthy successor".



Giovanni Paulo - The only non-Myrorian contender, from Islas Filipinas. He is liberal, more so than other top contenders, and has said that "I am sincerely sorry for the Myrorian Catholic Church's view of non-Abrahamic religions, especially Dharmism."



Nikolaas Rafaël - A down-to-earth, friendly pope from the west of Myroria. He is also the youngest contender at 37. Leo also named Nikolaas as "a great man".

[Myroria]

The Myrorian Gazette.
_{Fair and ^unbalanced news for you, the simple Myrorian.}

So Augustus Caesar walks into a bar...

Here's the story. The Great Houses, after much debating, decided to withdraw from the LCF, because Irnotia's generally fascist and full of themselves (Unlike Myroria, because we're the best). Irnotia, however, got all pissed and decided to declare war. We don't view it as much of a threat, but since they might be stupid enough to attack, Peté Tar-Ilium raised the Myrorian Military Readiness (MMR) level to three, right smack dab in the middle between the highest, five, and the lowest, one. Praise the Lord.

[Myroria]

The Myrorian Gazette.
_{Fair and ^unbalanced news for you, the simple Myrorian.}

Crime is not 'totally unknown' in Myroria - at least to the unfortunate Delfian outlanders.

The High Prefecture released today that the total number of Delfian outlanders killed has risen to a total of 38. The suspected murderers brought into custody - mostly Ozian and Myrorian sympathizers to Takasia and Ozia - have only been counted as 7. County Prefects and Guards seem unable - or, as it is most likely - unwilling to stop the killings. Said one Augusto Raimundo:

"They're taking any men above the age of 15 into custody for the dumbest reasons! Just yesterday my wife had to bail me out of jail for disturbing the peace!"

The Grandmaster Prefect, however, stated that there is no discrimination against outlanders besides that that is common and ancient in Myroria. He stated, upon being asked about Raimundo, that the slanderous comments against Meneldur Tar-Ilium he made were punishable by a night in jail, and the conservative outlook of the administration in the town he lived in gave him the maximum sentence.  In response, Raimundo stated that he simply criticized the new king's handling of the situation, not slandering him. The case is still being debated, along with many others. Praise the Lord.

[Myroria]

The Myrorian Gazette.
_{Fair and ^unbalanced news for you, the simple Myrorian.}

Termination of Earldom.

The Earldom and Colony of Leitzembourg has been terminated today. The Earldom phase of its relationship to Myroria has ended, and it is now County Leitzembourg, lead by Count Rudolph Yale of Great House Hanso, first man to land on Selene. It's been rumored that the government has been planning to set up a colony in Easteros or the Inglish Isles, though the rumours have not been confirmed or denied by the Imperial Family. In other news, Myroria's literacy rate has reached 60%, the highest since the end of the Belsenist regime.

[Myroria]

The Myrorian Gazette.
_{Fair and ^unbalanced news for you, the simple Myrorian.}

The King visits Chinese Loyalist.

The King, Meneldur Tar-Ilium, is visiting Yaolin Harbor and Chinese Loyalist this week. Accompannied by a ship guard of unknown numbers, he landed to improve relations with the nation, which recently dropped out of the UASS and may be turning capitalist (No official denials or approvals have been made by the Loyalist government). The King will be staying there for this month and then returning home.

[Myroria]

The Myrorian Gazette - Unabridged version.
_{Fair and ^unbalanced news for you, the simple Myrorian.}

Orion V takes off to begin construction of the Discovery Space Station.


^{Orion in Selenian orbit. A craft like this will construct the Discovery Space Station.}

Today at 9:05 AM, Orion V, the fifth of seven Orion CEVs in IASA, took off with one wing of the Discovery Space Station attached. It will be built in Taijituan orbit, and will be the first space station to spin, giving the test subjects onboard minimal, but some, gravity. This will allow for sleeping without having to be strapped in, et cetera.

In all, there will be three other rings like the one that took off today to make a cross shape in the station, and one connecting piece in the middle. Discovery will be pushed by a docked Orion to set it off on its rotation once it is completed. Because there is no friction in space, Discovery will spin indefinately. This is a great leap in space engineering and should be completed by the end of the year.

War ends in Sovereign Dixie.

The DSA called a cease fire today, at approximately 1:00 PM. It is willing to call a peace conference between the two nations, and has already recognized the Confederate States. Myrorian forces are currently in the process of being withdrawn.

As communists disband, the Pax Imperium grows stronger.

Not long after Chinese Loyalist left the UASS, the Uichi Ryans also announced their withdrawl. At the same time, the wedding of Meneldur and his fiancee will take place when he leaves Chinese Loyalist. With the war in Sovereign Dixie over, the new nation will surely be able to build up its military for the Pax Imperium.

[Myroria]

The Myrorian Gazette.
_{Fair and ^unbalanced news for you, the simple Myrorian.}

Discovery Space Station finished.


^{Discovery in orbit. It is 10 meters in diameter, and spins at 5 rpm for .5 g, or half of Taijitu gravity.}

After a complex mission by Orion IV today, Discovery was reported to be completed and is spinning successfully. The astronauts could feel gravity, however, it was clearly less than Taijitu's. .5 g is slightly under 4 times greater than the gravity on Selene, which is 0.16 g. Three astronauts are onboard, Hermann Cort, Theodorus Caspar, and Ragnbjörg Hjördís. She of the only 100,000 or so people in the world who are of Pelagian ancestry, and the third woman in space for the IASA.

[Myroria]

The Myrorian Gazette.
_{Fair and ^unbalanced news for you, the simple Myrorian.}

"The prosecution of Myrorians by Delfian s'wit will not be tolerated!", says His Majesty.

IAEIO agents have been directed to other countries before New Delfos, thus leading to a lower percentage of information from the country, which we cut diplomatic ties long ago. However, after the Delfian National News proudly showed a picture of a Myrorian being arrested for "spanking a Delfian woman", His Majesty had the following to say:

"The prosecution of Myrorian by Delfian s'wit will not be tolerated! Arresting and detaining a Myrorian brother for such a petty reason as obviously sexual spanking is an outrage!"

Myroria started an embargo of all Delfian products today. The largest threat was a cigar shortage, but the step up of tobacco and cigar making in Northern Myroria will hopefully relieve the problem. Regardless, many Myrorians are angered. Not because of the embargo, but because they claim Myrorian cigars are of lower quality than Delfian ones. His Majesty also declared that a maximum fine of 10 KRM would be charged for ownership of Delfian cigars. He himself said that he didn't care about Delfian products coming in so much as Myrorian products leaving. He has also not ruled out more severe measures, should the situation worsen.