Flemingovia Addresses his nation

[Flemingovia]

My Brothers and Sisters,

For many years the virility and fecundity of the Flemingovian peoples has been the subject of envy and admiration from around the Nationstates world. Pha has blessed our men with gonads the size of watermelons and our women with hips that are wide and inviting. This is why our population has risen as high and as strong as the pocket rockets of our menfolk.

Sadly, Oz, the great cartographer in the sky, has not blessed us with a large area in which to live. Our people are crowded together, to the great distress of all our people.

That is why today I am sending expeditions our into the dark areas beyond our borders. Explorers will travel along rivers, hack their way through forests, scale mountains and hills, searching for new lands into which our peope can expand.

The path ahead is clear, but dangerous. Who know what perils may lurk inland from our coastal home. But our people must have space to bonk, to breed, and to breathe.

Thank you

[Varkour]

Yeah, its kinda small

[Flemingovia]

People of Flemingovia,

I bring you good news! Glad tidings! the virile loins of the explorers we sent out into the uncharted territory have thrust them into the wilderness. They have returned with news of fertile fields, lush and verdant plains, fruitful forests and azure lakes.

Oz, the great Cartographer, has truly blessed us. Our borders have expanded and our people have moved into new settlements, villages and towns.

We can breathe again!

[St Oz]

<_<

[The G Rebellion]

OOC - Flem, is that an edit of a song in your sig? I think I just about know it... lol

[Flemingovia]

yes indeedy. It is a part of "handbags and gladrags by the Stereophonics. I edited it a bit.

Ever seen a blind man cross the road
trying to make the other side
Ever seen a young girl growing old
trying to make herself a bride

So what becomes of you my love
When they have finally stripped you of
The handbags and the gladrags
That your poor old Grandad had to sweat to buy you

Once I was a young man
and all I thought I had to do was smile
Well you are still a young girl
and you bought everything in style

So once you think you're in you're out
'cause you don't mean a single thing without
the handbags and the gladrags
that your poor old Grandad had to sweat to buy you

Sing a song of six-pence for your sake
And drink a bottle full of rye
Four and twenty blackbirds in a cake
And bake them all in a pie

They told me you missed school today
So what I suggest you just throw them all away
the handbags and the gladrags
that your poor old Grandad had to sweat to buy you

They told me you missed school today
So what I suggest you just throw them all away
the handbags and the gladrags
that your poor old Grandad had to sweat to buy you

[The G Rebellion]

Ah yeah - I have that song I think somewhere... lol

[Flemingovia]

My brothers and sisters,

Our explorers continue to bring us success! Our borders have increased, and new farmlands are already proving as fertile as the the concubines in my harem.

We have space, we have room, we have a utopia here in Flemingovia.

But our expansions have led us to a discovery. We are not alone on Taijitu. Our explorers have met peoples from a land called Hanzac.

I am sure there is nothing to worry about. I am sure their men are less virile than those of Flemingovia, whose schlongs are the girth of the spears of our warriors.

I will be contacting the head of state of Hanzac, offering him an exchange of concubines. The imaginative foreplay of Flemingovian women will leave him too exhausted to consider war.

[Flemingovia]

I have written to the leader of Hanzak as follows:

Ho, Dervkar, leader of Hanzak,

My lusty explorers have quested south along the coast, and have found your settlements there. You seem like a peacable bunch of fellows, very civilised, oh yes.

We in Flemingovia are interested in keeping peace along our southern borders. Our armies are vast and our warriors mighty. Our population is six billion to your puny 16 Million.

Since your menfolk obviously cannot father sons enough to make your population grow, I would be willing to send you a couple of my concubines, whose loins are hot and whose minds are inventive, in return for a couple of your concubines. No doubt they are scrawny and their hips are too narrow to bear sons, but they will be useful to fetch water and suchlike.

In the hope of peace

Flemingovia

[Ryazania]

OOC: Greatest. Posts. Ever.

[Flemingovia]

Ho, my brothers,

We sent the leader of Hanzak two of our finest concubines - young and limber, capable of bringing a man to the heights of ecstacy using only their hair, eyelashes and their gentle breath. They removed their clothes and posed before him.

What was the response Dervkar sent back? Did he take them to his sleeping furs immediately, then send a note of thanks? No. What was his communique, my brothers? Simple - He sent a message saying "I do not understand".

I am sure we have nothing to fear from these "men" of Hanzak. If they do not know what to do with the weapon that the gods gave them, then they surely do not know waht to do with swords, spears and rifles.

[Myroria]

Ho, Most Manly Flemingovia,

Word of your most generous gift to the Dervzacian ruler, and subsequent refusal of this great gift, has reached my ears. It is simply unacceptable that the uppity Dervzacian leader would so blatantly disrespect your concubine's skills. I whole-heartedly agree with your outrage at this, and offer to tell every single Myrorian patrician to give up his best harem girl to you, as a gesture of friendship and equal Pha/God/Allah/Buddha/other assorted deity's blessing.

Peté Tar-Ilium.

[Ryazania]

To: The Manliest of Men

I share my Myrorian brother's outrage at the Dervzacian refusal of your wonderful gift. Whatkind of man would refuse the warm comfort of a woman? A craven and coward, I would say. We need to rid this world of these cowardly cravens and those men who will not take a woman in his bed. I offer that we invade the pitiful nation of Dervzack and teach them how the real mean do it. I am most eager to hear your response.

Pha bless you,
King Robert II

[Flemingovia]

Ho, Peté Tar-Ilium fine fellow that you are, oh yes!

Thank you for the gift of the harem girls. They lasted about a week before they started complaining that they were exhausted and that their yonis were sore from the girth of flemingovian manhood. But a week is not too bad for foreign women who have not been blessed by Pha with an insatiable sexual appetite and muscular and lithe bodies, oh yes!

Your Harem girls are now recuperating at my coastal retreat. In a short while I will send them back to you, where I am sure that you will find that they have learned much during their stay in Flemingovia.

I do not want to give away too much, but I suggest that you increase your national production of honey and cassava plants in preparation.

[Flemingovia]

Oh my people, my brothers and sisters, fruit of my loins and

I have heard complaints from among you; a restlessness among my peolpe. It is said that I am spending too little time on affairs of state, and too much time between the thighs of the girls of my harem.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

this week I will be petitioning the Cartographer in the Sky (may his lingam never go limp in the midst of congress) to officially expand our territory into the sweet and dripping virgin lands beyond our borders.

As ever, your desires are my desires.