How to survive a zombie attack

[Flemingovia]

the latest in the how to.... series.

1. do not go to church. The preacher (who will be evil, by the way) will be preaching on the dead walking the earth. Guess what will happen tonight.

2. Don't go to the mall.

3. Don't go to the graveyard.

4. Don't go to the remote island where the voodoo cult used to flourish.

5. Make friends with the local survivalist nut who has a stockpile of weapons and food. He will not survive the movie, however, so do not get TOO close.

6. Why is your buddy hiding his arm from you? He has been bitten. Shoot him now.

7. That's not your grandma. Aim for the head.

8. Get the teenage girl to lean on the door. the flimsiest of doors can hold back a thousand zombies if a teenage girl leans on it and screams.

9. That's not your mom. Aim for the head.

10. While you are in the mall, get yourself some protective clothing. Stop running around in shorts and a tee shirt.

11. More to the point, what are you doing in a mall when I specifically told you in point 2 not to go there? Sheesh. Some people never learn.

12. That's not your dad. Aim for the head. Oops. Wait a moment. That WAS your dad. My bad.

13. Don't waste time on the phone. It won't work. Nor will your mobile (cell) phone, for some reason. An ex-WW2 short wave radio will work fine, though.

[Solnath]

 

[Aedon]

14. Go to a pawn shop.  Many sell shotguns AND chainsaws.

15. You don't have to outrun the zombies, and the fat guy will keep them busy the longest.  Next to the black guy who can probably run faster than you, but will die first without fail.

16.  Find a good priest.  He won't survive, but hopefully you can get some holy water out of it.

17.  Fire good.

18. Flamethrower better.  Get a ceramic nozzle and you can make one out of a super soaker.

19. Find the military.  If there isn't a military, get lots of ammunition for your shotgun.

20. If you get on a boat or airplane, inspect every person for zombie bites.

[Allama]

21. Avoid strong relationship exposition when talking to your best friend from childhood.  If one of you professes your undying friendship or reveals a long-held secret, kiss his behind goodbye.

22. A handy wooden plank will be sitting nearby to hold back the hordes when one of the undead monsters wrests your shotgun out of your hands.  Trust me.

23. Never, under any circumstances, say "I think that was the last of them."

[LLANYDERN]

22. remember just because the zombie is on fire doesn't mean it will die (gotta love it when someone sets a zombie on fire just to have the zombie hug him to death)

23. have a quiet method of killing them at all times

24. don't go into any kind of vehicle it will break down or flip over

25. don't be the black guy, even if you don't get eaten by zombies you will be shot at the end of the movie by redneck cops

26. explosives look good but remember you have to take out the brain, even if its just the head it can still be dangerous

27. bang on doors before you go in, if people are in there they will probably make some noise, if a zombie is in there it will try to get out/moan, this means less nasty surprises

28. being on a boat is only a good thing if: A you have enough food and water.  B the water isn't shallow enough for the zombies to walk along the bottom and get you

29. very important, remember zombies don't have to breathe!

30. If you can't see the face you can't hit the head/heart (ignore for zombies who don't have faces anymore look for where their face used to be)

31. wear gloves, mask, goggles and other protective clothing, (if you can get thick biker protective gear, police riot gear, shark suit, butchers gloves, etc do so)

32. pretending to be a zombie might or might not work, so always have a plan B (otherwise called crap I'm surrounded by zombies)

33. basements are death traps don't just don't

34. avoid hospitals, if zombies change slowly they will be take here before re-animation at least in the early stages of the attack

35. do not leave your home/other safe location to escape until well after the zombies are well known, otherwise you'll get caught in traffic jams and be a sitting duck

[Bara]

36. If you have to go down to the Basement, TURN ON THE LIGHTS!!!!!

37. Its usally some Evil Genunis that made the zombies so find him and kill him

[Flemingovia]

38. Don't have sex. Your coitus will definitely be interruptus by a zombie attack.

[Solnath]

39. For God's sake, the words are "Klaatu Verata Nictu!" They aren't that difficult to remember! Sheesh!

[Khem]

 
good one soly!

40. remember the head can still bite once taken from the body.

41. don't have sexual relations with zombies, they are not love bites.

42. remove the staircase, zombies are very bad at climbing.

43. blades don't run out of ammo.

44. tight clothes and short hair are the best armor.

45. new york city is a bad idea, who ever brought it up is a zombie sympathizer and should be used as a human shield.

46. shoot them in the head and they'll stay dead.

[Bara]

46. Barricade, Barricade Barricade. And Barricade some more!

[Khem]

48.  remember barakarin is also useful as a distraction.

[Bara]

49. The Kids below 21 always live, no matter what

[Dysanii]

48.  remember barakarin is also useful as a distraction.

[Bara]

48.  remember barakarin is also useful as a distraction.

Shut up!

[Khablan]

Aw, Bara, you know you're fun to kid around with.