Founder Nation Issues

[Gulliver]

This thread contains announcements on new issues facing our region's founder nation, [nation]Taijitu Founder[/nation], and reports of any actions taken in response to them. Positions on issues may be adopted in the same way a law would be, by either an act of the Senate or a referendum. Citizens who feel strongly about a certain issue are encouraged to begin a debate on it in the Civic Center, and may begin a petition to adopt a certain position and attempt to trigger a referendum.

[Gulliver]

Several major city streets were clogged with bicycles this morning, as the environmental group 'Two Wheels Good, Four Wheels Bad' staged a protest. Several hundred riders ambled through downtown streets, blissfully ignoring the torrent of abuse hurled at them by thousands of motorists running late for work.

1. "People are sick of dirty, smelly automobiles," said protest organizer Miranda Smith. "They're choking the city, the environment--our lives! Cars must be banned!"

2. "The only thing people are sick of is long-haired idiots riding their bicycles at two miles an hour on major thoroughfares," says committed motorist Chloe Longbottom. "People shouldn't be able to protest like this. The government needs to crack down on them."

3. The Automotive Manufacturers Association, meanwhile, has called for government support. "It's clear that we need to boost the level of automobile support in this country. This protest this morning is a clear indication of... um... anyway, we need more government funds."

A group of Greenpeace protesters have called for an end to a government proposal to begin damming rivers in Taijitu Founder to increase water supplies and generate power.

1. "Don't build dams!" shouts protestor Bianca McGuffin through a microphone heavily afflicted with feedback. "Do you know how many fish die in other dams in our region each year? Have you heard of the adverse effects building a dam has on the surrounding environment? Dam up this flood of dams, damn it!"

2. "Think before you open your mouth," says engineer Sue-Ann Song. "While Taijitu Founder may have to pay the price in animal diversity, as well as adverse effects on the environment, do we really want fossil-fuel based plants polluting Taijitu Founder? If you use your common sense, I think you'll find that damming some rivers would be a good idea. Plus, think of how much the economy would benefit from all the jobs these projects would create."

In a bid to provide a new revenue stream for Taijitu Founder's Beef-Based Agriculture industry, it has been suggested that endermans could be added to the menu.

1. "The fact is, the enderman population is out of control," says Beef-Based Agriculture spokesperson Akira Silk. "We have to do something about them anyway, so why not market them as tasty snacks? We could have enderman kebabs, enderman pies, enderman-on-a-sticks--the possibilities are endless! Let's not pass up this golden opportunity to provide a feast, if you will, for our economy."

2. "I agree that something needs to be done about enderman over-population," says random passer-by Beth Chicago, "but eating them? That's kind of gross. Let's just shoot the ones we have to and shovel their bodies into ditches like normal."

3. "I am shocked and appalled!" declared SPCA President Miranda Gulliver. "If anyone needs to be culled, it's us humans. The endermans were here first, remember? We need to take this as a sign to get our industry--agriculture in particular--to back off. The enderman is part of what makes Taijitu Founder a great nation!"

It's time for the government to hire a new religious advisor. Your people have narrowed down the candidates to:

1. Catholic Archbishop Bill Dubois: boasts an excellent track record, having rapidly increased church attendances in his constituencies through the "Reaching God Through Guilt" program. Seen as a solid choice.

2. New Age thinker Billy-Bob Love: a left-field candidate with some radical ideas. "For me, it's not about the name of your religion. It's about discovering your spirituality in whatever guise that takes. Some people call that a cult: I call it taking spirituality to the people."

3. Finally, there's Konrad Chandra. "If I am awarded the appointment, I will immediately resign," the ex-schoolteacher has declared. "Because, frankly, God is a big load of hokey. I'll be doing everyone a favor by just shutting up about it."

A recent poll has revealed high levels of dissatisfaction among the populace about tax rates.

1. "Do you know how much of my year's work goes to the government?" demanded angry worker Fleur Sato. "Too much! Government spending has gotten way out of control. It needs big cuts in welfare, health, and education. But leave those subsidies to business alone. We need them to create jobs."

2. "It's not the AMOUNT of tax, it's where the burden falls," says student activist Ali Janssen. "And at the moment, far too much of the burden is falling on the poor. People on high incomes still have more money than people on low incomes. I don't think I need to say anything more than that."

3. "I don't object to the amount of tax, I object to where it's being spent," says social reformer Miranda McGuffin. "I'd like to see everyone have a choice as to where their tais go every time they fill out a tax return. Everyone would feel a lot better about opening their wallets if they had a say as to where the money went. I think you'd see a lot more public money going to education and a lot less to business."

[Gulliver]

The Senate has proposed and the Delegate has signed into law the follow policies:

Disallowing protests which obstruct public ways; Allowing the construction of dams; Maintaining a secular government;

The Senate has proposed but the Delegate has vetoed the following policies:

Banning the consumption of enderman flesh; Allowing taxpayers to choose where their money is spent;

New issues:

Increasing reports of child abuse and neglect in Taijitu Founder has prompted local pressure groups to call for 'parental licences'.

1. "You need a licence to keep endermans or drive a car," points out local current affairs commentator, Jessica McGuffin. "So why should just any random idiot get to be a mother or father? It just doesn't make sense! If all potential parents had to pass tests to prove they're responsible enough, I'm sure you'd find that it would help decrease the level of child abuse, and increase proper discipline in the home."

2. "This is madness!" screams May Dubois. "You can't deny perfectly good people the right to bring life into this world! endermans manage it easily enough, and you can't tell me they've got more responsibility than your average upstanding citizen of Taijitu Founder! The government should keep out of such matters - I've always said social workers and welfare was a drain on the budget. Yes, there will be some sad cases of neglect, but shouldn't we be giving parents the benefit of the doubt?"

3. "The answer to this problem is patently obvious," says Prudence Woolf, your minister of Social Welfare. "The government simply needs to give more funding to the welfare department so that we can recruit more social workers to carry out regular checks on parents and judge whether or not they're doing a good job of looking after their children. It'll be expensive, but at least it's a damn sight fairer than licensing parents."

[Gulliver]

New issue:

When a relatively minor official in your government vowed to increase the standard of education in Taijitu Founder, the press came knocking on your door to ask how this might actually be done.

1. "It's all a question of money," says veteran teacher Stephanie Clinton, "If we really care about education, we'll make it our number one priority. Double the education budget, halve the teacher-student ratio, and make sure every teacher has a master's degree in education. After all, the children are our future."

2. "As much as I'd like to have more money, it's really a question of most of the faculty belonging to one of the most powerful unions in the whole of Taijitu Founder that stops this school from being great," says Headmaster Emily Dodinas, "I can't discover which teachers are good and reward them for their excellent work, nor fire the useless ones. Destroying teachers' unions is perhaps the most important thing we could do. "

3. "I think specialization is the way to go," says your defense minister, standing arm in arm with a bishop of a major religion and Taijitu Founder's top CEO, "Specialization lets each focus on what they're truly good at, and I'm sure that religious institutions, the military, and private companies would fork out a bit to train up the next generation, so we could save on taxes too."

4. "As we've proven in the past, the free market can manage this far better than the public sector," says market-analyst Jessica Chicago, "Now, I'm not saying that the state shouldn't help people go to school - far from it. Still, schools need greater freedom to maximize learnedness: to set their own tuition, salaries, curricula, etc. Give private schools a small government subsidy, and let the free market take its course. So what if a few poor kids drop out earlier? You can't make omelets without breaking a few eggs."

[Gulliver]

New issue:

A recent poll on putting up huge loudspeakers in Taijitu Founder's cities for public government broadcasts has been brought to your attention.

1. "This idea is brilliant, and Taijitu Founder can't afford to pass it up," claims Elaine Obama, your Minister of Safety. "These loudspeakers can assure the public that the government is always here to help them. The potential here, to immediately warn citizens of an emergency such as an earthquake or a stampede of endermans or something, simply must be taken into account! This could save lives! And I suppose, when there isn't anything the citizens need to be told, you could always use them to broadcast patriotic messages like 'Bow to no tyrant.' and inform the good people which party to join and vote for with newsbriefs and such. It'll be worth it to strengthen the populace's devotion to our glorious nation!"

2. "I think people need to realise what this really is: brainwashing!" retorts Sarah Longbottom, a wealthy marketer. "I don't want to hear all this flag-waving hogwash every time I go out for a walk. But when it comes to emergencies, I do agree that something should be done to warn everyone: we should send out messages on mandatory minature radios that you can carry in your pocket. It could tell you things you need to know too, like what shoes to buy and such."

3. "To be honest, I can't see why we should put up with advertising at all," says Robin Janssen, an anti-business protester. "All it is is some multi-billionaire or politician somewhere trying to make even more money while the rest of us struggle to make ends meet. I say we ban it. Maybe the economy will suffer a little and some people may lose jobs but that's just a minor side-effect really, especially when you consider that no longer will our children be encouraged to fill themselves with junk-food because some guy on the telly tells them it's cool!"

[Gulliver]

New issues:

The international community has appealed to Taijitu Founder to increase humanitarian aid to the world's poorer nations.

1. "We must increase foreign aid," says beaded local peace activist Fanny Usman. "Compared to some of these nations, Taijitu Founder is swimming in tais. Let's face it, not every nation in the world is lucky enough to have a government like ours. Let's show some compassion to our less economically gifted neighbors."

2. "Talk about a way to flush tais straight down the toilet," argues Think Tank member Virginia Tan. "What I've noticed is that whenever we do give something, it's never enough: a few years later they're back asking for more. The best way to help these poor nations is to stop shielding them from the logical consequences of their idiotic, long-debunked socialist economic policies."

3. "Relief wouldn't hurt us... if we 'relieved' the right countries," suggests government advisor Imogen Obama. "We give them a little humanitarian aid, they give us access to their Beef-Based Agriculture markets... it's win-win. Nothing wrong with a little quid pro quo, especially for a good cause."

Several festively chubby people were lodged in their movie theater seats for hours, as Taijitu Founder's Fire Department worked to free them. Health organizations are now expressing concern over the problem of obesity in Taijitu Founder.

1. "Clearly, we have to do something about the expanding obesity problem in Taijitu Founder, er, no pun intended," remarks Miranda Dimitrov of the National Health Bureau. "The government should implement an extensive exercise management program and make it mandatory that all citizens participate in some kind of exercise at least once a week."

2. "Mandatory exercise! Get out! I don't have the time!" snorts nationally renowned TV chef Falala Hanover. "How about banning those greasy fast food joints and drive-thrus? I mean, seriously, if you can't get out of your stupid car to walk in and get a meal, how sad is that? Ban fast food and make junk food more expensive--that way, people will have to think about whether they really want to spend ten tais on a snack cake."

3. "I don't see why it's anyone's business but my own how I kill myself," says Kathleen Hendrikson, a pleasantly plump computer programmer, stuffing a chili dog down his throat. "My weight is my own business, and if I don't feel like exercising, that's my choice. Sure, it'd be healthier to lose a few pounds, but my priorities lie elsewhere. Leave us alone, and we, the citizens of Taijitu Founder, will decide what's important to us and what we want to eat."

4. "What about government-funded liposuction?" asks Efthamia Sanchez, while contemplatively chewing a mouthful of chili dog. "If I could get the fat sucked off of these hips, that would give me the willpower to stay thin. Obesity would be a thing of the past! Just think of it! Nothing but svelte, beautiful people everywhere! Ah, bliss!"

All of Taijitu Founder has been in an uproar since yesterday when a car exploded in the middle of Taijitu Founder City, killing dozens and injuring hundreds. This terrorist act was traced back to a violent minority group known as the Lilliputian Freedom Fighters. A group allegedly supported by an unfriendly regime, despising Taijitu Founder for its heathenish ways and political bent, but more particularly for supporting the recent occupation of their homeland by an ally.

1. "They simply crossed the line!" shouts General May McGuffin. "Far too long have we tolerated these terrorist threats, it's time that they realise they can't mess with us. Send the order to prepare an invasion, and we will show them who is boss! Our brave soldiers are prepared to die for their country, all we need is your signature and a lot of money. But what is the cost of freedom and safety for Taijitu Founder's peoples?"

2. "Attacking another country isn't the answer," says Agnes Dubois, director of the Taijitu Founder Intelligence Agency. "The problem doesn't lie abroad, but within Taijitu Founder itself! We should have more freedom to do our work. Protecting our nation from these cowardly scaremongerers would be much easier if we had an inherent right to tap phones and other communications, get search warrants whenever we need, and detain suspects indefinitely. Remember, to prevent is better than to cure."

3. "No, that's what those terrorists want us to do!" speculates chairman Natalia Woolf of the Patriots' Tea and Biscuits Club. "We don't want to give the Agency any more responsibility, they're the ones who messed up in the first place. What we need is to purge Taijitu Founder of these rats who don't respect the laws and traditions of our way of life. We know who they are and where they come from, so the solution is obvious: we just won't let those sorts of people cross our borders and kick out those who are already here. It might seem a bit harsh, but hey, we were here first. Long live Taijitu Founder!"

4. "I think it's clear to anyone with half a brain in their head that this will just not work," says Violet Broadside, a noted professor of social studies. "The people who perpetrate these terrible crimes do so because they feel they have no other recourse to demonstrate their political opinions. They'll do anything and I'm sure they're not above hiring mercenaries. You must understand why terrorists act as they do and fix it! What we should do is to reach out to the ethnic and religious minorities and seek common ground! Negotiation is the key! Violence solves nothing."

5. "We spit on Taijitu Founder!" expectorates Kathleen Janssen, leader of the Lilliputian Freedom Fighters. "You disrespect our people and our country and everything we are! You spread your sickening influence where it is not wanted! You must change your ways and cease to oppose us or else there will be more bloodshed. You have been warned!"

6. "Is terrorism such a terrible thing? Really?" asks Jessica Plath, avant garde journalist, discreetly sliding a pipe bomb under your desk. "These people are simply expressing their political opinion the best way they know how. I think we should legalise terrorism as a legitimate form of political commentary. It'll certainly get people interested, don't you think?"

[Gulliver]

New issues:

During a recent severe storm, the airship TFAS-Hiddenburg caught fire and ended up making a crash landing in Taijitu Founder City. Everyone on board as well as several hundred people on the ground were killed in the resulting inferno. Reporter Herb Morris' incredible live coverage of the disaster and the media circus surrounding the safety of such vessels has people looking to the government for solutions.

1. Sophie Licorish, apparent spokesperson for the families of the victims gasps out between sobs, "The only reason this happened is the government has turned a blind eye to the dangers of these vehicles! The solution is obvious, pass and rigidly enforce safety regulations on dangerous industries! Oh, and make the owners of these companies financially liable to the families. I mean, I lost my dad after all, I deserve a little bit of compensation."

2. "Really now, airships safely make these trips on a routine basis! These people are looking at a tiny mishap and not the bigger picture!" claims Renee Malik, owner of Airship Enterprises, the company that operates airships like the crashed TFAS-Hiddenburg. "If anything, the government should be supporting the industry through this tragedy! You know, 'encouraging' people to use airships so that they learn just how safe they really are!"

3. "Tiny mishap? TINY MISHAP?" screams Roger Jones, author of the controversial bestseller 'Corporations Are Bad, Really Really Bad.' "Hundreds of people dead, millions if not billions of tais in damage to buildings downtown, and these industry goons are trying to just shrug and tell the rest of us 'Oopsie,' and buy their way out of trouble?! They have a huge debt to the society they've harmed, make them work in the trauma centers and see first-hand what they've done!"

Filibustering, where politicians attempt to keep a debate on new laws going indefinitely, has been plaguing recent attempts to pass bills. Several aged politicians have been orating non-stop throughout three days worth of debating time, stopping any legislation from being passed.

1. "This sham of a tactic is totally demolishing our ability to accomplish anything!" complains Ryan McAlpin, Minister of Ministries. "Who cares if a few old fossils fail to see reason? The majority of the government clearly wants this legislation to pass! Just set a limit on the time a person can speak for; this really is demeaning to the democratic process!"

2. While taking a bathroom break before moving on to read aloud from the phonebook, Stephanie Lee states: "It is a great thing for the minority and the oppressed that our system of government allows the filibuster to be utilised to harness the majority! Let the hills, the mountains, and the valleys reverberate with the sounds of our voices! We will not surrender to this repugnant legislation."

3. "The filibuster is not enough to protect the minority, since they are too afraid of the tyrannical majority to use it," says political commentator, Roger Love. "I suggest that all legislation must require a unanimous vote before it can pass. That way, nobody goes away unhappy."

4. "Why do we need to debate legislature anyway?" questions Sophie Brown, your Minister of Alternative Solutions, who also happens to be the best friend of your distant cousin. "Everything would be so much more simple if we just decide what to do, and do it. After all, we're the ones who know what's best for Taijitu Founder. If the minority parties want to say something, they can submit it in writing."

[Eluvatar]

When a relatively minor official in your government vowed to increase the standard of education in Taijitu Founder, the press came knocking on your door to ask how this might actually be done.

1. "It's all a question of money," says veteran teacher Renee Hendrikson, "If we really care about education, we'll make it our number one priority. Double the education budget, halve the teacher-student ratio, and make sure every teacher has a master's degree in education. After all, the children are our future."

2. "As much as I'd like to have more money, it's really a question of most of the faculty belonging to one of the most powerful unions in the whole of Taijitu Founder that stops this school from being great," says Headmaster Wil Li, "I can't discover which teachers are good and reward them for their excellent work, nor fire the useless ones. Destroying teachers' unions is perhaps the most important thing we could do. "

3. "I think specialization is the way to go," says your defense minister, standing arm in arm with a bishop of a major religion and Taijitu Founder's top CEO, "Specialization lets each focus on what they're truly good at, and I'm sure that religious institutions, the military, and private companies would fork out a bit to train up the next generation, so we could save on taxes too."

4. "As we've proven in the past, the free market can manage this far better than the public sector," says market-analyst Britney Longbottom, "Now, I'm not saying that the state shouldn't help people go to school - far from it. Still, schools need greater freedom to maximize learnedness: to set their own tuition, salaries, curricula, etc. Give private schools a small government subsidy, and let the free market take its course. So what if a few poor kids drop out earlier? You can't make omelets without breaking a few eggs."

[Gulliver]

Bigtopian activists have staged a sit-in at the largest primary school in Taijitu Founder bringing education to a halt in a bid for integration and tolerance.

1. "You know... it's not that we don't let them in... it's that they don't apply," murmurs Principal Maria King, nervously tugging at his shirt collar. "I mean, yeah, sure, if these Bigtopians lived around here... uh... we'd let them into the school. But... you know... this isn't exactly a Bigtopian community, you know? So... uh... could you please put a stop to these protestors? Oh, and, uh..." Here he leans forward and whispers. "... make sure those creepy Bigtopian protestors don't show up at my school again, okay?"

2. "The time has come for the dream of equality to be realized!" shouts noted Bigtopian rights activist Rebecca de Groot, slamming his fist against your desk. "I see Lilliputians, Tasmanians, and Lord knows how many East Lebatuckese keeping my Bigtopian brothers holed away in their prisons of blindness and ethnic apartheid! The time has come for full integration! If these schools are going to keep us out, I say it's time we were bussed in!"

3. "Well, that's all well and good, but it ain't well and good enough!" screams Zack Zhimo, leader of Bigtopians Rising Against Totalitarianist Scum, slamming his black-gloved fist against his podium during a recent pep rally. "We ain't just bein' kept out of their schools; we're bein' kept out of their neighborhoods! The oppressive majority fears us, but they can't hold us back any longer! The government needs to integrate the community as a whole by pushing out the majority and making way for a very loud, very angry minority!"

[McMasterdonia]

I would support number 2. Full integration is a must.

[Gulliver]

A new batch of issues! And we might finally be able to have a capital!

Scientists and animal rights activists have once again brought up the debate over animal experimentation to your attention.

1. "What have those poor, defenceless animals ever done to us?" asks Naki Longfellow, owner of the East Taijitu Founder enderman Sanctuary. "Kidnapping these helpless creatures from their habitat simply to stick probes and needles in them is just barbaric! How would you like it if someone caged you in a lab and conducted tests on you just to find out whether a new product was fit for sale? Experimenting on animals ought to be banned!"

2. "It is not unethical," replies Dr. Chloe James, the chief surgeon at Taijitu Founder's largest Cancer Research Clinic. "The unethical thing to do would be to deny the public of the benefit of the great scientific advancements we're making! If we have to sacrifice some animals in the name of science, healthcare, or a commercial venture, then that's just what we've got to do! Think of the lives we could save! All we require is more government support and funding for this worthy cause."

The highly moral and religious pressure group 'Cuckolds And Cuckqueans Anonymous' has lobbied for the criminalisation of adultery.

1. "Whatever happened to the sanctity of marriage?" asks Hack Chicago while wearing a T-shirt bearing the slogan 'Marriage is for life, not just for anniversaries'. "Whatever happened to lifelong companionship? Whatever happened to simple faithfulness because of love?! Adultery seems to be more of a hobby than anything these days! The government must impose the utmost punishments on those who commit this sin. A good old-fashioned stoning should sort it!"

2. "I don't agree with adultery either," says Naki Obama, a passer-by. "But, uh... stoning? You don't think that's a little extreme? If we find someone guilty of fornication we can just lock them up in jail. That way no-one gets killed and the sinners get justice. It's more expensive to the tax payers than a stoning of course, but I reckon it's worth it."

3. "With the greatest of respect, this is none of your business!" yells Klaus Sato who is rumoured to have had more than a thousand lovers and even more children. "The government has no right to go about trying to dictate the laws of love and romance! Marriages break down, people move on - is it really the government's place to make people stay put? You must recognise the fact that the law has no place within the bedroom!"

A group of local motorists have assembled outside of City Hall to protest against the shoddy state of roads in Taijitu Founder.

1. "These roads are terrible!" shouts Louis Smith, president of the Taijitu Founder Auto Club. "Every few feet there's a crack, or a pothole, or a gravel patch, or the remains of someone else's car! It's really too much! And just look at this-" he adds, rubbing a nasty bruise on his forehead - "I got that from my rear-view mirror after flying over a bump on Main Street! These roads must be fixed! There really needs to be vast improvements made now, before anyone gets seriously hurt."

2. Mohammed Love, avowed anti-spending advocate, disagrees: "Road construction? What a waste of tais! If people can still drive on them, then the roads are fine as they are. Spending more to make trivial repairs would just be a waste of the tax payers' money! We should just ignore these whiners and leave the roads as they are and if the drivers don't like that - well... then they can just learn to walk like the rest of us."

3. "Why on Earth is it the government's responsibility to build and maintain roads?" asks bicyclist Klaus Cho, pausing for breath. "Not all citizens own automobiles, you know. The government should be trying to make life better for all, not just car owners! If people want roads, then let private industry build them, and they can charge tolls to the people who actually drive on them. Leave the government out of it!"

As Taijitu Founder continues to grow, so too does its government. The number of politicians needed to administrate and legislate the country is rapidly surpassing the Houses of Parliament's capacity with ministers often requiring periscopes to see the House Speaker. Some are suggesting a new building be built in another city - a city which would then be designated as the capital city of Taijitu Founder.

1. "I would like to make a humble recommendation for my own proud jurisdiction," says Louis Janssen, mayor of one of Taijitu Founder's major cities. "It would be an honour for our city to be host to the seat of power! If it will seal the deal, you can change the name if you like..."

2. "Hah! Capital city indeed!" shouts Mohammed Falopian, a fervent anarchist, spilling leaflets all over the floor. "What's wrong with being free as the wind? Do you really think one city could possibly represent a whole country? Its people? I've had enough of the man trying to screw us down all the time! Say NO to a national capital!"

3. "I can accept and even approve of having a capital city," says Klaus Zhu, a military strategist. "But we'd be putting all our eggs in one basket if we choose somewhere too vulnerable! Believe me, capitals always get the brunt of the enemy attack because of their political and economic importance. We should put aside a few billion tais and build our capital city underground. They'll never bomb us there!"

4. "I've got an idea," says theme park tycoon, Lindsay Tew. "My company will happily sponsor the new establishment and cover all costs - as long as it's made to our specifications. We've already got plans drawn up to put a roller coaster straight through the House of Commons! A cafe, some kiosks for ice cream... maybe even a water slide or two in the lobby! It'll be one part legislative seat of government, one part family-fun theme park! Tourists will flock from around the globe!"

5. "What's wrong with the old building?" asks Hack McKay, a noted disestablishmentarian. "We don't need some kind of fancy capital city just to make the bigwig ministers feel important! If there's no room, then fire politicians until there IS room. Have you never heard of doing more with less?"

[Gulliver]

A group of environmentalists are protesting against plans to expand urban and suburban developments into greenbelts, the designated countryside between settlements.

1. "Do we really have to listen to these nutcases?" asks real estate developer, Jonathon Cogswell. "The fact of the matter is that nature is BORING. Give us permission to build on the greenbelt and you'll have pink hotels, boutiques, and swinging hot spots that'll be the envy of the region and draw tourists from all around! We can always transplant a few trees and put them in a tree museum to keep the tree-huggers happy. Taijitu Founder stands to make a lot of money from this! Think about it for a moment!"

2. "I agree with my colleague here, but he doesn't go far enough," says Howard Gutenberg, a city planner. "These protestors are standing in the path of progress. It slows the growth of our economy and harms my portfolio - er - the future of our nation, I mean. It's unpatriotic and we should increase police funding to deal with these troublemakers. Then we wouldn't have to worry about greenbelts or any other nonsense about keeping the 'environment' safe. Think about it for a moment!"

3. "I can't believe what I'm hearing!" exclaims environmental activist Ivan Plath. "Tree museums? Police funding? Don't it always seem to be the case that you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone? We're talking about natural treasures and you're talking about destroying them. Is there anything that you can build that can really be better than nature? We should put a stop to all encroachment into natural areas. Think about it for a moment!"

This weekend, a citizen's group calling itself Gun Owners of Taijitu Founder has petitioned Congress with a controversial bill making gun ownership compulsory.

1. "This is a very important step to securing the rights and lives of our families and controlling the government," urges noted gun ownership proponent Howard Dimitrov. "Not only would it significantly decrease crime, but it would also effectively stop government tyranny in its tracks. Of course, this also means that every wacko and their cousin will have a gun, but don't worry, you'll have a gun to defend yourself from them, so it will all work out."

2. "While the Gun Owners of Taijitu Founder have the safety and security of our people in mind, it would simply be impractical to enforce," comments Police Chief Ivan Broadside. "A better option would be to legalize, and encourage use of, concealed carry laws, which would allow responsible citizens to keep firearms with them at all times, on their person, to kill any wacko or their cousin who they think is threatening them."

3. "Compulsory gun ownership?! Concealed carry?! Are these fools nuts?!" rants an enraged Million Mummy March activist. "We don't need any of these things! What we need is complete gun registration, so that the government can track down dangerous people, like those people who possess unregistered weapons."

The latest "Harry Potter" book to hit schools across Taijitu Founder has stirred up the greatest controversy yet.

1. "I quite enjoyed the book, until I got to the part where Harry summons evil demons to do his bidding," says religious leader Howard Love. "Now that's just wrong. We need to restore some sense to this debate, by which I mean we should remove this book from the shelves, salt it thoroughly, and burn it."


2. Teachers union President Ivan McGuffin says, "Come on, the book is fantasy! And it's a damn good read. I'd like the government to issue a statement of support for our teachers and librarians, so kids can enjoy good books without interference from religious wackos, like Christians."

After a recent left-wing broadsheet exposé of agricultural practices, an outburst of public paranoia has stirred up the organic foods debate.

1. "I just can't stomach it any more," rants concerned parent Elizabeth Mistletoe. "My children's future is being put at risk by irresponsible corporate practices. We must outlaw the use of pesticides and additives by farmers and food producers."

2. "I've heard enough of this treehugging, lefty nonsense," argues corporate spokesperson Kayla Sanchez. "The agricultural industry needs to use the most advanced technology available, it's the only way to keep Taijitu Founder competitive in food production. Besides, the studies we have commissioned prove that only a very small number of child deaths are due to our products, and surely that's an acceptable rate in the name of progress?"

3. "Stop torturing Mother Earth!" yells outraged environmental extremist Robin Hendrikson. "Are we prepared to sacrifice our planet and our souls for the sake of a few extra tais? If we hope to live in harmony with the environment that nurtures and protects us, we must ban all industries that pollute our world. Let us return to the trees, my brothers!"

Papa Pallocci's Pizza Pagoda, Taijitu Founder's top pizza delivery chain, has unveiled a new "Leviathan Size" deep-dish pizza. Citizens and health experts alike have come to you raising concerns over the health implications of this new pizza.

1. "This is a public health travesty," says Elizabeth Barnes, a noted nutrition expert. "There is just no sensible reason for a pizza this big to exist! It encourages overeating which leads to obesity and all of the illnesses that go with it! It's clear that these companies aren't going to do the right thing without prodding. Obviously, the government needs to ban this greasy filth and make restaurants include nutritional information on all of their menu items!"

2. "But the temptation – the temptation is still there!" cries morbidly obese health advocate Kayla Longbottom. "For years, I ate every kind of junk food imaginable. Just look at me now! Doctors tell me I've shaved twenty years off my life at least. This food is deadly, and we shouldn't tolerate it any more! All fast food restaurants should be banned, and their owners forced to pay reparations to their victims."

3. "That's preposterous!" replies Robin Smith, Head of Papa Pallocci's Public Relations division. "Our food is among the healthiest in Taijitu Founder! We offer an array of fresh veggies and the finest of meats. These radicals are calling for the government to intervene, but is it really the government's job to babysit our customers like that? They're big boys and girls, and it should be up to them to decide what they want to eat! They want pizza, so let them have pizza!"

4. "Hey, man. I have an idea," says Howard Jones, an aging hippie, barely suppressing a giggle. "This is all about healthy food, right? My bros and I were thinking about selling this pizza with locally grown organic ingredients and whole grains and stuff, right? It'd be good for you AND the planet, man. The only snag is we're a little short on start-up moolah. The government should totally, like, give us money to open our chain. We'd really appreciate it. Yeah, you'd need a tax hike to pay for it, but we'd totally save the world – with pizza, man!"

[Eluvatar]

The recent popularity of a science-fiction TV show has prompted calls for Taijitu Founder to develop its own space program.

The Debate
1. "Don't tell me space colonies wouldn't be cool," says excited fifth-grade teacher Mattir Fulpagneo, still wearing big Spock ears from his last convention. "Think of how they would galvanize the national population! And there would also be some kind of scientific benefit, probably."

2. "The project certainly is feasible, but very expensive," says Taijitu Founder Space Agency Head Nelmil Moomintroth. "We could make it less of a burden on the taxpayers if we sought funding from private industry -- advertisements on the side of our rockets, selling contracts to the Arms Manufacturing industry, that kind of thing."

3. "If God had meant Man to fly, he would have given us solid rocket boosters instead of legs," says religious type John Miller. "We should not be looking to the stars, but rather inside our own hearts. That's why we should abandon this so-called space program, and instead make the teaching of religion mandatory in all schools."

Politicians from a distant and obscure part of Taijitu Founder have been calling for the government to split Taijitu Founder into various semi-autonomous regions, each with an elected council to govern their designated area.

The Debate
1. "The government is too centralised," complains rural villager, Lois McMaster Bujold. "We get these big-city politicians making rulings that affect our way of life, when they have absolutely no idea what our way of life is! One of them even suggested that farmers should be banned from picking crops in case they disturbed the local wildlife! What we need are various councils to govern their own part of Taijitu Founder, giving us the chance to have our say on laws affecting our area. It'll bring politics to the people! Of course this will require the implementation of a council tax to fund it all, but if that's the cost of more political freedom, then so be it!"

2. "Councils? Are you mad?" gasps political commentator, Erendis Bespaecasi. "Most of the politicians we already have earn very large sums each year - and you want to employ even more?! We must not listen to the whims of some dangerous separatist movement; next they'll be wanting independence! I suggest we keep the government in one place where we can keep an eye on it and stop creating more jobs for over-paid politicians. Heck, why not trim off the ones we don't need while we're at it and give some leeway to the taxpayers? Anyway, if we allowed places like West Taijitu Founder to make decisions for themselves, they would soon be introducing laws allowing them to marry their cousins or something - you know what they're like..."

3. "These people are obviously power-hungry lunatics," whispers Oke Sanyrva, one of your innumerable advisors. "They're simply trying to loosen your grip on the nation! Let's just send anyone who opposes your absolute rule to the gallows and ban elections. We hardly need them when you always know what to do! There may be some protest, but we can just lower taxes and they'll be as happy as clams."

[Eluvatar]

Children as young as eight have been spotted gambling in some of Taijitu Founder's seedier casinos.

The Debate
1. Social activist Anita Anguelova is outraged. "Gambling needs to be outlawed immediately. It's no wonder children are becoming sucked into the vice, with adults setting such a poor example. Gambling is a stain on Taijitu Founder's international reputation and it must be stopped!"

2. However, Crown Casino chairperson Beor Iliummabar says, "What's wrong with children gambling? It prepares them for the realities of life, teaching them that success or failure is not due to hard work or intelligence, but the roll of the dice. Besides, if kids weren't gambling, they'd be spraypainting trains."

A top fertility clinic has recently announced a new service allowing parents to create so-called 'designer babies'.

The Debate
1. "Embryo selection isn't really genetic engineering in the technical sense," explains Dr. Mattir Eneibari, owner of the Babies-2-Go Clinic. "It's more like being able to have a dozen abortions per month until you get the foetus you desire. I can't really see what's wrong with parents who can afford it being able to eliminate foetuses with undesirable genetic traits - like stupidity."

2. "Thou shalt pay for thy sins!" screams Marcica Trovtrith, waving a crucifix. "This is just meddling with the sanctity of life. If these children are to be born with horrible defects then it's God's will and who are we to question it? This technology must be banned at once!"

3. "This technology shows promise," muses Darth Leton, minister of health. "But we can't trust the private sector with the future of our nation's children. We must place it under strict government regulation, so that we only screen out embryos with serious genetic conditions."

4. "This has got me thinkin'," says General Warren McPherson, thumbing through a big folder marked 'X'. "If this technology lets us reduce genetic defects, then couldn't it work the other way? We could create ourselves an army of genetically superior soldiers! With our army of Super Soldiers, no nation would dare stand in our way!"

[Funkadelia]

After new DNA evidence has proven that recently executed inmate @@RANDOMNAME@@ was actually innocent, human rights activists have been campaigning to ban the death penalty.


1. "This is government sanctioned murder!" chants @@RANDOMNAME@@, a human rights activist, from outside your office door. "It must end! Not only is it murder, but it amounts to hypocrisy of the highest nature. Yeah, keeping criminals locked up instead of mercilessly killing them might be costly, but maybe we can offset the cost by putting them to work making handcrafts in the prison store? Regardless, we have to abolish the death penalty - it's the only right and moral thing to do!"

2. "What about other potential criminals out there?" whimpers Taijitu Founder Neighbourhood Watch spokesperson @@RANDOMNAME@@, who has taken to hiding beneath your desk. "Did you know that since we introduced the death penalty the crime rate has decreased hugely? I say we introduce the death penalty for more crimes, like burglary and trespassing, and then no-one will ever dare to do anything wrong!"

3. "There's absolutely no proof that the crime rate has decreased", states @@RANDOMNAME@@, your foreign affairs advisor, with a nod. "But I have an idea. If we're going to be killing these people, we ensure it's as non-violent and as respectful as possible; make our executions more humane and give these people some choice in how they die. The international community will love us for our civility and humaneness. We'll be an international benchmark!"

4. "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" @@RANDOMNAME@@, the Chief Deputy Assistant Police Commissioner states, swirling a pair of handcuffs on one finger. "We don't go around executing innocent people for the fun of it; accidents happen! So those hippy people should quit their boo-hooin'. Look, if we give our boys in blue some more cash maybe there'll be less room for mistakes. Everyone goes away happy."

5. "Hows abo' bringin' back dem-dere good ol' fashioned lynchings? Bring justice back ter tha peoples!" shouts Jethro, a survivalist. "Who'd dare ta kill innocent peoples when tha punishmen' is bein' pelted ta death wit' rocks?"

A group of concerned parishioners and soccer moms has petitioned the government of Taijitu Founder to outlaw heavy metal music, which they fear is a bad influence on youngsters.


1. "Heavy metal music is a plague in our good nation and its God-fearing people!" argues local priest and easy listening advocate @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Just the other day, I heard a song by some group called Hell's Irate Puppies with a sinful quantity of bass and drum... oh, and there were probably some lines about killing parents, too, I'd imagine! It's vital that we ban this music, and remove this terrible influence from our children's lives! Think of the children!"

2. "Whoa, man... what's with the, like, censorship and stuff?" asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, scruffy-haired bassist of the popular speed metal band The Destroyinators. "You can't, like, censor the music, man. That's how we express ourselves! Every bass beat is me baring my soul! Every howl is me complainin' about how my parents tried to kick me out of their basement! Besides, what's wrong with Satan? He's just misunderstood anyway. I say promote the arts, man!"

3. "You know, this heavy metal issue has me thinking," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, your brother, over your weekly game of cribbage. "If these long-haired freaks want to put out their devil-worshipping metal, why don't we let them? Of course, we'll put a little subliminal propoganda into every song... after all, don't these guys owe their freedom of expression to you?"

Members of a new weird religious cult, called the Order of Violet, ask for the government to appease their mighty god by offering Her a sacrifice of the human variety.


1. "What have we got to lose?" says religious freedoms advocate @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Just cut up a few homeless folk - it appeases this group's bloodthirsty Goddess, gets rid of unsightly bums that drain welfare, and everybody goes home happy."

2. "We must go much further than a few beggars!" argues the overzealous High Member of the Order of Violet, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "You must pass a law that everyone's first born child must be slaughtered, on live TV if possible. Think of the viewing figures!"

3. "You aren't going to listen to these whackjob Violetists, are you?" comments @@RANDOMNAME@@ while leading a prayer group. "Human sacrifices! Surely we're too civilized to permit such barbaric practices! These lunatic fringe groups should be outlawed, and their leaders should be executed!"

4. "Who's being a lunatic?" retorts @@RANDOMNAME@@ of the Taijitu Founder Humanitarian Society. "I agree that these practices ought to be outlawed, but instead of sinking to the same level of these fanatics and killing our fellow people, why not simply start a re-education program? Even the worst person can be rehabilitated into a useful member of society, with enough time, care, and lots and lots of funding!"

A group protesting against the Taijitu Founder government began a riot yesterday which resulted in the death of Mr. Benson, a police officer.


1. "This is an outrage!" cries Police Chief @@RANDOMNAME@@. "The people of Taijitu Founder just don't know how good they have it! Our nation is a gem compared to many others, but if you give an inch they will take a mile. I had to tell officer Benson's wife yesterday that their child will grow up without a father. Do I think public protests should be outlawed? You're damn right I do."

2. "It all happened so fast," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, one of the protesters. "The crowd was just chanting, you know... and then they tear gassed us. I saw one cop, this Mr. Benson, club a teenager right in the face! For what? Speaking his mind! That's when the crowd rushed him. I'm sorry he's dead, but the police think they have a right to do whatever they want - things get out of hand sometimes. I think the police department should keep out of the way when we're protesting - even if things do get... excited."

3. "It's because protests get out of hand sometimes that we need a police presence," argues PC @@RANDOMNAME@@ eventually after singing the national anthem to you. "Even violent protestors have a right to feel safe on the streets. If that means we have to die to protect the innocent, then that means we have to die. I think protests should be restricted to a designated area where police can keep an eye on the protestors. Then everything can go nice and smoothly and no one will have to worry about being beaten to death."

After the vast fortunes of a recently deceased oil tycoon in Taijitu Founder were left to a small cactus plant, citizens nationwide have been asking the same question: should the inheritance tax laws be changed?


1. "Every time I see a stupid rich kid having an easy ride of life with money they did nothing to deserve, I go into a jealous rage and start punching walls," says economically disadvantaged individual @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Abolish inheritance entirely! If the government takes the inheritance then we can spend all that cash on things that make ordinary people's lives better, like education, social welfare, and attack helicopters."

2. "This is a disgusting breach of my human rights," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, heir to an international widget empire. "Just think of all the poor families who have spent their lives scrimping and saving with the dream of passing on a modest luxury yacht to ensure the security of their children's children. All that sacrifice, all that toil, all those long nights working their fingers to the bone setting up offshore accounts - it brings a tear to my eye. Inheritance tax has got to go!"

3. "Surely we can arrange some sort of compromise here," says comfortable knitwear fan @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Yes, it's true that some people exploit the system - but a lot of people rely on inheritance for their basic support! Why don't we just set a sensible ceiling on how much you can inherit? That way you get to keep the family farm, but not the five mansions and the oil refinery."