There was once a mailbox. It was a very lonely mailbox. It would sit and watch as people came and passed it by and yearn to have a friend. One day a dog came up to the mailbox and began to sniff it. The mailbox was so overjoyed for the companionship that he didn’t even mind too much when the dog began to piss on him.
“oh dog you are my only friend I don’t know if I would have the will to live without you.”
The dog didn’t seem to react but that is because as we all know dogs do not speak mailbox. So the dog had no idea what the mailbox was saying or that it even regarded him as a friend so being a dog it decided it would run across the street. As the dog crossed the street, the mailbox grew a little sad because his only friend was departing him but he had faith that his friend would return. That is until his faith was crushed by the Semi that promptly flattened the dog on its way across the street. The mailbox cried in dismay for his lost friend so brutally splattered before him. He wailed in woe for quite some time and had considered suicide many times though realizing that it’s impossible for a mailbox to commit suicide he still wished for it. Then suddenly he noticed many tiny creatures marching over the gore beneath his post.
“Oh my what are these delightful little creatures? Oh I do hope they will be my friends!”
The ants below kept the mailbox company for many days while they devoured the corpse of the dog. This company eased the pain that the mailbox felt over the loss of his strange doggy friend that he had determined must have been German due to his habit to pee on people. Yet these ants were not very good company as they seemed to ignore the mailbox altogether as they devoured the bits and pieces of the dog. Yet when the dog was finally gone it was that the ants no longer returned which made the mailbox wish it could commit suicide once again, yet this was short lived as he was soon after killed by a teenager with a baseball bat.
