Taijitu
Forum Meta => Archive => General Discussion Archive => Topic started by: kor on October 02, 2007, 06:31:21 PM
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1. AT&T FIRED President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting "Please come out and give yourself up."
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, from which the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??
A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!", the man shouted, "This is her husband!".
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!!
In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellllllooooooo!)
8. THE GRAND FINALE
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 ft. Bayliner to perform. It wouldn't get on a plane at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power was applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. NOW REMEMBER ... THIS IS TRUE ... Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!
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Here's one. It was a few years ago. RCMP were called to arrest this man who was armed. They emptied like forty some rounds into his car and missed! MISSED! (But a kid can walk into a school, fire off seven bullets and kill eight people.) They eventually caught the guy but I forgot how, probably jsut gave up.
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You must be pretty dumb yourself if you think we need a thread to know that people are so stupid :trout:
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Truth is I just found these stories funny. I just really enjoy making people laugh. I guess some people don't appreciate funny stories. :P
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I like 6.
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Three words: The Darwin Awards (http://www.darwinawards.com/)
I suppose it would be mean to mention the [US] President, wouldn't it?
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Three words: The Darwin Awards (http://www.darwinawards.com/)
Ah! We have a common interest.
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Cute =] Reminds me of the story of (I believe) GM, who hired a man to be CEO, gave him a $5M signing bonus, decided a few months later that they no longer wanted him to be CEO and paid him a large severance package, the guy made like $20M-ish without ever having to work a day
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Cute =] Reminds me of the story of (I believe) GM, who hired a man to be CEO, gave him a $5M signing bonus, decided a few months later that they no longer wanted him to be CEO and paid him a large severance package, the guy made like $20M-ish without ever having to work a day
Now that's my kind of job. Sign me up please! :2c:
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Number 2 has to be the funniest of them all to actually imagine. Sneaking out the window, around the side of the house, and over to the police line... then shouting and deliberately drawing attention to himself for God only knows how long without being noticed. ;D
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Number 2 has to be the funniest of them all to actually imagine. Sneaking out the window, around the side of the house, and over to the police line... then shouting and deliberately drawing attention to himself for God only knows how long without being noticed. ;D
Took the words right out of my mouth. How could that possibly happen?
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Al' is magic. She is capable of everything.
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/me up some bamboo for Alger.
It's extra tasty, so enjoy.
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Do you know one or two of these people described below?
Idiot Sightings!!!! Be careful, be v-e-r-y careful....
IDIOT SIGHTING: Hubby and I had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman
told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a "large" enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2
horsepower. He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded
hat 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, "NO, it's not. Four is larger than two." We haven't used
Sears repair since.
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IDIOT SIGHTING: I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local
township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.
The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place
for them to be crossing anymore."
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IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.
She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but
they only had iceberg. He was a Chef?
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IDIOT SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee
asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I
replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and
nodded, "That's why we ask." Happened in Birmingham, Ala.
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IDIOT SIGHTING: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street. I
was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what
the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled,
she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!" She was a probation
officer
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IDIOT SIGHTING: At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker: She was leaving
the company due to "downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We
should do this more often." Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other
with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
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IDIOT SIGHTING: I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself,
and couldn't understand why her system would not turn on. A deputy with the Dallas County
Sheriff's office no less.
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IDIOT SIGHTING: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up
our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and
found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the
passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
"Hey," I announced to the technician, "Its open!" His reply, "I know - I already got that side."
This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, Mississippi !
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STAY ALERT!
They walk among us, they REPRODUCE and they VOTE!!
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STAY ALERT!
They walk among us, they REPRODUCE and they VOTE!!
And that, my friend, is so mind-numbingly terrifying I don't even know what else to say about it. :P
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Idiot Sightings!!!! Be careful, be v-e-r-y careful....
STAY ALERT!
They walk among us, they REPRODUCE and they VOTE!!
The horror...the horror...THE HORROR!!!