Taijitu
Forum Meta => Archive => General Discussion Archive => Topic started by: Flemingovia on June 23, 2007, 12:22:50 PM
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You can survive any disaster movie if you follow these simple steps....
1. Make sure you get into an elevator with a heavily pregnant woman. The lift will stick, and the baby will be born, but you will be rescued in the nick of time. No pregnant woman or new-born baby has ever died in a disaster movie.
2. If a car is blown towards you along the street, just duck and put your hands over your head. The car will bounce over you every time.
3. If anyone says "relax, this is the safest place in the city" RUN.
4. Never get into a helicopter with any elected official.
5. The scientists are all wrong, apart from the one maverick loner who interprets the data differently. Listen to him, he is right every time.
6. The solution to the city's problems will always involve sewers or flood channels. I have no idea why.
7. Don't worry about the plucky teenager on a bike who goes out in search of his mom. He will be fine.
8. Do not be tempted to try to guide that group of teenage girls to safety. Trust me, they will be absolutely fine without you, since teenagers (like pregnant women and babies) cannot die in a disaster movie. If you get involved, there will be a point when you have to sacrifice your life for them. They won't even be grateful.
9. When you emerge into the daylight, do not stand up and raise your arms in triumph. That is when the falling masonry or giant alligator gets you.
10. Do not do anything involving setting explosive charges. Just as you set the last one, a column WILL fall, crushing your legs. You then will have to stay there and blow yourself up to save the city.
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*wipes off tears* That's a killer, Flem! Thank you for that! :D
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you forgot the 11th one
11. Always pack guns
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11th is not true, however you've been watching Volcano or whatever is the name of the movie. There's more things, like stay with the prettiest girl since she won't be killed at all and if the prettiest boy isn't you, he will probably die and you will get the pretty girl.
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Kudos, Flemingovia! I vote this should go into the Hall of Fame.
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Since it is a movie, couldn't you also say, "F*ck it." and quit?
I still had big "lawlz".
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Since it is a movie, couldn't you also say, "F*ck it." and quit?
Not if you're under contract. Unless you're a big, big, very rich star, of course.
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Very true and very funny, especially the bit about the bouncing cars. God knows why that keeps happening in movies after it's been done to death so many times over...
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we should do these for other genres.....
Great idea flemingovia
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12.Never, ever say any of the following lines:
"It's OK. I designed this building to be earthquake proof. "
"They could not hit an elephant at this range"
"The chances of anything coming from Mars are a million to one"
"Leave me behind. I will hold them off as long as I can"
"Let me just lever this airlock open"
"I think I can swing across"
"Don't let go of my hand"
"An army of killer ants? Don't be absurd. Let me just have a nap in this deckchair."
"We will be perfectly safe in here."
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13. Don't even bother asking the 10 year old boy to stay put and hidden. As soon as you turn your back he will leave his hiding place and get into danger, from which YOU will have to rescue him. Best not to get involved.
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14. Never, Never stick with the army, they will be blown up by aliens like in World of the Worlds
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thats sci fi not disaster
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15. Even if the polar ice caps melted in a few short hours and all of New York City is underwater, go to the public library. You will be safe there.
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^^ I'm pretty sure the world being attacked by aliens qualifies as a disaster.
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And it's obvious that aliens would attack. Hell, I would if I could and they should be a higher civilisation.
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I would help them if I got a bunch of money for it. Or was made governor of Earth. That'd be cool.
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^ has a point, and think about it. In War of the Worlds, the human race is on its knees. Then gersm kick in and kill the aliens and we all go happy
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16. (?) Team up with Betty White... you'll get to hear some funny lines and you'll survive.