Taijitu
Forum Meta => Archive => Archived Fun => Topic started by: Solnath on April 12, 2007, 12:30:55 AM
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This game is infernal. Simple and infernal.
The format is as follows, easy to catch, etc.:
1: "You're in a situation, you have two options:
2: Either you do alternative A or you do alternative B.
3: Of course it'd be better if you did A (or B, depending on which is actually better), but if you did do B (or A), you've got two options."
Easy enough? Everyone does one cycle. 3, 1, 2.
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You're in a pitch-black room. You are likely to be eaten by grue. (the set-up, number one)
You have two options:
Either you leave the room or stay in the room. (options, number two)
(Next one posts a solution (i.e. number three) and their own set-up and option. The story must be continuous, i.e. connected to previous cycles.)
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You stay in the room
1)Light a torch
2)Ready the Anti-Grue spray
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(Damn, forgot to add the format:)
Of course, it'd be better if you lit the torch, but if you decide to ready the anti-grue spray, you've got two options:
Either the can is empty or it's full.
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Of course, it'd be better if the can was full, but if it's empty, you have two options:
Either you pull out your Luger or your hunting knife.
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Of course, it'd be better if you whipped out your Lüger, but if you decide to use your knife, you have two options:
Either you stab the thing or you run away.
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of course running is great exercise but you love blood so you stab it, you have two options.
you either laugh like a maniac or walk to the next room.
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oh no! not this! :-X
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Of course, it'd be better if you walked to the next room, but if you decide to laugh like a maniac you have two options:
Either you stand over the grue laughing until it recovers and gets back up, or you laugh from a safer distance.
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Of course, it'd be better if you did it from a safe distance, but if you stand on top of it while laughing, you have two options:
Either it attacks you when it recovers or it plays dead and hopes you go away.
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Of course, it'd be better if it plays dead and hopes you go away, but if it attacks you when it recovers you have two options:
Either it you defeat it in honorable combat or challenge it to a game of riddles.
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Of course the game of riddles would be better (grues are horribly stupid and think riddles are an egg-based food stuff) but you challenge it to "honourable" combat. You have two options:
Kick it in the groin or point behind it yelling "what's that" and kick it in the back
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Kick is obviously better, so kick in the groin is the choice you make:
Guy you kicked kicks you back, or crumples over dead.
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oh no! not this! :-X
Funnily enough....that's exactly what I thought when I saw this..... :o
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oh no! not this! :-X
Funnily enough....that's exactly what I thought when I saw this..... :o
[03:30:19] * GMT has quit IRC (Quit: )
[03:30:27] * TGR has quit IRC (Quit: TGR: One of the Proud Founders of Taijitu)
[03:31:09] <Soly> When they wake up, they'll see my wrath.
[03:31:14] <Soly> Mwahahahahaa.
[03:34:37] * Soly resumes evil laughter.
Of course it'd be better if the grue'd die then, but if he kicks back you've got two options:
Either you resist the kick or you fall to the ground, writhing in pain.
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Of course, it'd be better if you resisted the kick, but if you fall to the ground writhing in pain you've got two options:
Either you roll away across the floor or you try to kick upward to knock the grue over.
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Of course it'd be better to kick upwards but you roll away.
You have two options, roll into the bad Mark Twain impersonator pit or roll into the vampire lawn gnome pit - either way it's to the pit with you!
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Of course, it would be better to roll into the vamprie lawn gnome pit, ;D but if you rolled into the Mark Twain impersonator pit, your options would be:
1.) either get swallowed by a sea of white hair and get trampled, or
2.) discuss steamboats for days on end
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of course steamboats are better but you discuss steamboats. you can either:
go mad and get smashed mercifully by a steamboat. or
go mad and slip into a world contained in your own shattered mind.
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Of course, it'd be better if you went mad, :D but if you get smashed by the steamboat you have two options:
whip out your wand and heal yourself or lie there writhing in pain until the next steamboat.
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Of course it'd be better if you heal yourself with the wand, but if your waiting for the next steamboat to come you have two options:
Sing "Move Along" by All-American Rejects to yourself while you wait, or
Listen to a single anime J-pop song on continuous loop.
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of course singing is fun but if you choose to listen to Jpop you have two options:
dress gothic lolita or,
gouge out your eyes.
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Of course gouging out your eyes is better....but if you choose to dress gothic lolita you have two choices.....
Either move to tokyo or trawl the interweb into the early hours.....
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Of course, to trawl the interwebs sounds....like something good (is it?)...but if you decided to move to tokyo you have two choices:
You can on arrival be pull into a dark alley where ganguro girls would drain your body fluids to make their tanning lotion, or...
Get a job as a Japanese Exchange Teacher at a japanese junior high school where the students are obsess with the "packages" of foreign men.
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Of course, as we all well know, it'd be much better to be dragged into alleys by ganguro girls, but if you decide to join the JET program, you have two options:
Either you're constantly harassed by young, junior high students who want to feel you up and kancho you every single waking moment of your life or you get to meet great people and have a great and enlightening time in Japan.
(http://www.gaijinsmash.net)
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Of course it'd be better to be felt up by young Japanese school girls but you have an enlightening experience.
You can either: Found a new religion based on the things you learn or be locked away in an asylum where you are chained to a typewritter and told to write new hentai comics until you become sane (1 in 1.64 x 10^89,000 probability units)
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Of course writing hentai is better but if you decide to satrt your own religion you have two choices.....
Be arrested for dubious tantric methods or become a multi millionaire
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Of course it'd be better to be arrested since you wouldn't have to pay rent anymore, but if you decide to become a millionaire you have two choices:
Either you can spend most of your money building a gigantic pleasure palace or give it all to charity.
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Of course it'd be better to give it all to charity but you decide to build a palace.
You have two options: Invest most of the money into making a lavish pleasure palace and trust in the harem to build up in good time or Invest most of the money in the harem trusting the palace to become more lavish over time.
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Of course it'd be better to invest most of it in the harem, because decent concubines are actually pretty hard to find, but if you invest most of it in the palace, you've got two options:
Either you get a decent harem or you don't.
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Of course it'd be better to invest most of it in the harem, because decent concubines are actually pretty hard to find, but if you invest most of it in the palace, you've got two options:
Either you get a decent harem or you don't.
Of course it'd be better to get a decent harem but you don't. Instead of fill it with blood wine and singers and open a Klingon opera house. You accidentally get between a Klingon and his blood wine and he charges to attack.
You can either try to apologize or grab your Bat'leth and defend your honour
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Of course, it'd be better to defend your honor, but if you try to apologize you have two options:
You can either get down on your knees and grovel or stay standing and shout your sorry's.
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Of course, the meat-pie-foreheads appreciate honour, so it'd be beter for you to stay standing, but if you do grovel, you have two options:
Either the meat-pie-forehead is so disgusted he leaves or he attacks you.
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Of course it'd be better to be spared but the Klingon cleaves you in half. You find yourself in the afterlife and are given an opportunity to choose a life in any period of time. If you can beat Death's game:
Which skull is the smaller skull under. You have two choices The Left Skull, or the Right Skull
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Of course, it'd be better if you picked the left one, because then you'd finally get some rest, but if you pick the right one under which the smaller skull hides, you have two options:
Either you rush out of Limbo or you plan carefully where you go.
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Of course it'd be better to plan carefully but you rush out of limbo.
You choose the 1400's, you can either be A Bar Wench or The Town Fool
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Of course, it'd be better to be the bar wench, but if you decide to be the town fool you have two options:
Gambol around the town square or sit in the well spouting nonsense.
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Of course it'd be better to gambol about, but you sit at the well spouting nonsense. Minutes later you are being dragged to the church for heresy. You can either Try to cast a spell on the guards or let them take you to the church dungeon
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Of course, it'd be better to let them take you to the dungeon, but if you decide to cast a spell on them you have two options:
You can either summon a slaad or an ice storm.
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Of course it'd be better to summon a slaad (salad?) but you create an ice storm
The guards slip and you slide right into the church dungeon. You have two options, Apply to be the new Dom or be made the new Sub
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(Summoning a slaad wouldn't actually be such a good idea.)
Of course, it'd be better if you applied to be the new Dom, but if you're made the new Sub, you have two options:
Either you like it or you like it a lot.
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Of course, it'd be better if you liked it a lot, but if you like it, you have two options:
Either you stay or you leave.
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I am here to stay.
Oranges or Apples?
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It's hard to choose, you can't compare apples and oranges. And as a sub in the church dungeon even less so. You take a shot in the dark and choose apples. It seems the new dungeon master was formerly a doctor and you have chosen his one weakness.
you can either, Drive the apple into his heart slaying him or run like hell
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Of course, it'd be better to slay him with the apple, but if you decide to run like hell you have two choices:
You can either head left to go down the stairs, or right to go up.
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Of course it'd be better to head up the stairs, but you head down the stairs and soon find yourself lost in the dungeon.
You have two options: Open the cell door with screams coming from behind it, or go into the Dom's lounge where you see a plate of unguarded cupcakes
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Of course, it'd be better to open the cell door to rescue whoever's screaming, but if you decide to go into the Dom's lounge you have two options:
You can either run straight in to grab the cupcakes or saunter in nonchalantly to assess the situation.
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Of course it'd be better to assess the situation but you run straight for the cupcakes and find they are poisoned. You're in the afterlife (again) you can either go to heaven or go to hell.
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Of course, it would be better to go to Heaven, but if you go to Hell you have two choices:
Live out the rest of eternity in misery or try to overthrow Satan.
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Of course it'd be better just to live in eternal agony, but you decide to take a chance and try to overthrow Satan. You have two options, Civil disobedience (A la Gandhi) or a military coup
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Of course, civil disobedience would be better but if you decide to plot a military coup you have two options:
You can either recruit other damned souls or attempt to subvert some demons.
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Of course, recruiting some damned souls would be easier, but if you decide to get some demons on your side you have two options:
Bribery or persuasion
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Of course, persuasion would be better, but if you decide to bribe the demons you have two options:
You can either offer them food or money (maybe demons use bones as currency?).
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Of course, money would be better (because demons don't eat) but if you decide to try food you have two options:
Fail or fail badly.
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Of course it'd be better if you failed normally as then your punishment would be less severe, but if you fail badly, you have two options:
Either Satan likes your attitude or He doesn't.
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Of course, it would be better if he liked your attitude, but if he doesn't, you have two options:
Get let off with a warning or taken down to sub-Hell.
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Of course, it'd be better to be taken down to sub-Hell, because that's where all the cool people hang out, but if you're just given a warning, you have two options:
Go for another revolt or settle down and relax.
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Of course, it'd be better to start another revolt, but if you decide to settle down and relax you have two options:
You can either chill alone by the sulfur pits or hang out with the demons by the fiery inferno.
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Of course, it would be better to chill alone (demons are not very sociable) but if you decide to hang out with the demons you have two options:
The demons either tell you to get to work breaking rocks, or prod you with white-hot pokers for fun.
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Of course, breaking rocks sucks, so it'd be better if they prodded you with white-hot pokers for fun, but if they did tell you to get back to work you'd have two options:
Refuse proudly or submit and break rocks.
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Of course, it would be better to refuse, but if you choose to submit you have two options:
You can break the rocks with a toothbrush or a paperclip.
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As we all know from prison escape movies, toothbrushes work marvelously against rock, but if you decide to use a paperclip, you have two options.
Either it's a normal paperclip or then it's Clippy, the god-awful annoying piece of crappy crap in MS Office.
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Of course, it'd be better if it was a normal paperclip, but if it's Clippy you have two options:
You can either put up with him or go mad under the pressure of his insufferable attitude.
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Of course, snapping right away would save you from a lot, seeing as you're in Hell, but if you can put up with him, you have two options:
Either you use him as a tool in your revolution against Satan or you keep and cherish him as your one true friend.
(By the way, I am completely certain that Clippy is male, since even though I'm a misogynist PoS, even I don't believe women can be that annoying.)
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Of course, cherishing him as your friend would be better, but if you decide to use him to revolt again you have two options:
Either your coup succeeds and you become Lord of Hell, or you narrowly escape with your soul and manage to make your way back to Earth.
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Of course, like the old saying goes, "Better to rule in Hell than barely escape back to Earth," but if you do the latter anyway, you have two options:
Either you celebrate your newly found freedom or you go and complain about what happened to you to someone.
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Of course, it would be better to get it off your chest, but if you go and celebrate you have two options:
Get drunk and crawl home or get sucked back into Hell by the Gods of Irony.
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Of course, it would be better to get sucked back into Hell, but if you want to get drunk and crawl home you have two options:
The Vodka or the Pivo (Beer)?
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Of course, vodka has no competition, but if you go with Pivo, you have two options:
Either you have to drink a lot of it for it to have any effect or you have to drink a lot of it.
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Of course, it would be better if you had to drink a lot of it, but if you have to drink a lot of it you have two options:
Either you realise it still isn't working and give up, or you drink some more.
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Of course it is better to realize that it is still not working and give up, but if your are drinking some more, you have to options:
Either you keep on drinking beer, or you go for something exotic, like Slivovice
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Of course, everyone knows mixing different kinds of alcohol makes a lot of people sick so it'd be better to keep drinking beer , but if you decide to go for something exotic you have two options:
You can either sip some Cuarenta y Tres or gargle Kahlua.
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Well, it'd be better to stick to Kahlua, because of its friendly name, but if you decide to go with Cuarenta y Tres, you have two options:
Either you drink it with salt or without.
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Of course, it'd be better to drink it without salt, because with it would be disgusting, but if you decide to go for the salt you have two options:
You can either gag in disgust and everyone will laugh or enjoy the strange taste and make everyone think you're nuts.
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Of course, it'd be better if you gagged as the salt is pretty unhealthy, but if you like the taste, you have two options:
Either you patent it or decide no one else will ever like it, so why bother.
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Of course, it would be better to forget about it, but if you decide to patent it, you have two options:
Stumble drunkenly to the nearest patent office or wait until morning.
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Of course, it'd be better to wait for morning, but if you decide to stumble down there now you have two options:
You can either puke in the bushes outside or get there and realize they're not open.
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Of course, it would be better to puke in the bushes, inadvertently killing the deadly plant life residing there, but if you get to the office you have two options:
Curse and stumble home again or get hopelessly lost.
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Of course, it'd be better to get lost because cursing is so vulgar, but if you decide to curse and stumble home you have two options:
Go inside and drink more or pass out on the front lawn.
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Of course, it would be better to pass out and spare your liver, but if you try to go inside you have two options:
Enter without incident, or drop your keys down the drain.
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Of course, it'd be better to enter without incident, but if you drop your keys down the drain you have two options:
Try to fish it out with a bent coathanger or go to sleep and wait until morning to come up with a sober (albeit hung-over) solution.
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Of course, it would be better to sleep on it, but if you try to use a bent coathanger you have two options:
You can ask random passers-by for a coathanger or steal one from the neighbours house.
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Of course, it would be better to steal one from the neighbours house, as there is nobody around at this hour, but if you want to ask a random passer-by, you have two options:
You can wait until someone passes by, or you go around your neighbourhood and look for somebody.
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Of course, it would be better to go and look for somebody, but if you wait then you have two options:
Get bored and fall asleep, or pass the time by jogging round the garden.
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Of course it'd be better if you fell asleep, but if you go jogging around the garden, you have two options:
Either you stumble and trip because you're drunk, hurting yourself or you meet someone.
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Of course, anybody lurking in your garden at this time of night is bad news, but if you do meet someone, you have two options:
You can introduce yourself, or lash out wildly.
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Of course, it is better and safer just to lash out wildly, But if you choose to introduce yourself, you have two options:
Introduce as per normal or just fake your identity
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Of course, honesty is the best policy, but if you choose to fake your identity you have two options:
Call yourself Tom Smith or Abdul Rakashika
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Of course, it is better to call myself Tom Smith, as it is not a very good idea to sound like a drunken Moslem. But if you choose to call yourself Abdul Rakashika, you have two options:
Threaten that you have planted a bomb in the garden, or scare him away by recite some verse in the Koran...
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Of course, reciting the Koran is safer, but if you tell him there is a bomb in the garden, you have two options:
Either the guy runs away or he calls the police
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Of course it'd be better if he runs. But if he calls the police you have two options
Either get the police to fish up your keys so you can sleep off the booze, or start swinging at the police
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Of course, it would be better if the police got your keys, but if you start swinging at them you have two options:
The police take you down with a stun gun or shoot at you.
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Of course it'd be better if they stunned you, but if they take the shot you have two options
Dance! or Play dead
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Of course it would be better to play dead, but if you choose to dance, you have two options:
Dance alone or ask the police for a dance...
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Of course it'd be better to dance with someone (even if it is the police) but if you dance alone you have two options
Hope your dancing is so bad the police leave in disgust; or
The police become enraged with your horrible dancing and throw you in Guantanamo Bay
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Of course it would be better for the police to leave in disgust, but if you were thrown into Guantanomo, you have two options:
Beaten to death or tortured by other means
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Of course it'd be better to be beaten to death (You've already been dead twice and come back so it wouldn't really be that hard to try again) but if you are tortured by other means you have two options.
Go into your happy place until the brute get tired from their "freedom loving" ways; or
Plan to escape to Cuba
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Of course, it would be better to wait until they get bored of you, but if you plan your escape you have two options:
Dig your way out with a spoon or start a riot.
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Of course it'd be better to start a riot but if you spoon dig your way out you have two options
Wait until they finally feed you so that you can get a spoon; or
Craft a spoon using the bones of the last prisoner who waited to be fed
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Of course, it would be better to make your own spoon but if you wait until they feed you, you have two options:
Just sit and wait; or
Pretend to be dying of starvation
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Of course it'd be better to pretend to be starving, but if you sit and wait you have two options:
Pray that an alien spacecraft just happens to pass by and abduct you (Probers need not apply); or
Try to summon a demon to work on a better plan
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Of course, it would be better to hope for a spacecraft, because the denziens of Hell are probably pretty pissed off with you, but if you try to summon a demon you have two choices:
Start to hunt for the various ingredients needed (mouse skull, candles, chalk, etc); or
Ask the red-skinned fellow with horns in the next cell if he's got any of them.
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of course it'd be better to find the things for yourself, but if you ask the devil looking fellow next to you, you have two options:
He gets angry because you call him a "devil looking fellow" when he's actually just sun burnt and horny; or
He actually is a devil and offers to get you out in exchange for your soul
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Of course, it would be better if he was just a normal guy, because you're quite attached to your soul, but if he's actually a devil you have two options:
Sign his soul-leasing contract immediately; or
Ask for a magnifying glass and read the contract carefully
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Of course it'd be better to sign and get out but if you choose to read the small print you have two options:
You either like what you see; or
You don't
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Of course, it would be better if you liked what you see, but if you don't, you have two options:
You sign anyway; or
You turn down the offer
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Of course it'd be better to sign anyways and get out but if you don't you have two options
Either accept your fate as an "enemy combatant"; or
Think of a way to escape soul and all
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Of course, it'd be better to think of a way to escape soul and all, if you accept your fate as an enemy combatant, you have two options:
Either they torture you by the Mossad method of the removal of the testicles; or
They torture you by playing disco at you 24/7.
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Of course it'd be better to have your testicles removed, but if they play 24/7 disco at you you have two options
Go insane and live the rest of your life in the disturbed world of your shattered mind; or
Dance until you burn the prison walls down in a disco inferno
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Of course, it would be better to go insane, but if you burn down the walls you have two options:
Get out of there fast; or
Call the fire brigade
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Of course, it would be better to get out of there fast, but if you call the fire brigade, you have two options:
It's the Cuban fire brigade, and you are released into Cuba; or
It's the Haitian fire brigade, and you get brought back and trapped in yet another civil war.
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Of course, it would be better if you went to Cuba (who doesn't love Cuba?) but if you get trapped in a civil war you have two options:
Support the winning side; or
Support the losing side
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Of course it'd be better to support the winning side, but if you choose to support the loosing side you have two options
Go down in a blaze of glory; or
Escape to South America and live next door to Hitler
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Of course, it would be better to escape to South America, but if you choose to go down in a blaze of glory you have two options:
Charge madly at the enemy; or
Execute a carefully thought-out battle plan
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Of course it'd be better to charge, but if you plan carefully you have two options
Sniper the officers and panic the enlisted men; or
Use wild Zebras as a distraction
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Of course, it would better to go with the only idea that makes sense, but if you go with the zebras you have two options:
Borrow them from the local zoo; or
Steal one and clone it several times
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Of course it'd be better to "borrow" them, but if you clone the zebras you have two options
Go for a straight as is clone; or
Splice in T-Rex DNA
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Of course, it'd be better to leave the DNA as it is, but if you decide to stick some T-Rex DNA in there, you have two options:
Either they obey your orders and crush the opposition; or
They go nuts and start eating everyone.
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Of course it'd be better if they obeyed, but if they go nuts you have two options
Pretend to be a nobody and hope it fools them; or
Be eaten and see the inner working of a T-Rex
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Of course, it would be better to try and fool them, but if you get eaten you have two options:
Light a match to see better; or
Start pulling out random organs and hope it dies
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Of course it'd be better to light a match, but if organ pulling is what you're into you have two options
The squishy one; or
The slimy one
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Of course, the squishy one seems more promising, but if you pull the slimy one you have two (very vague) options:
It works; or
It doesn't
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Of course it'd be better if it worked, but if it doesn't you have two options.
Try to steer the T-Rex to an orphanage; or
Let nature run it's course and take the back door to freedom
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Of course, it would be arguably better to wait for freedom, but if you steer it into an orphanage you have two options:
Either you gain some company inside the T-Rex; or
The children kill it with their hidden machine guns
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Of course, it would be better if you got company inside the T-Rex, if the children kill it with their machine guns, you have two options:
Either the children love you and swear to follow your every order until death; or
The children think you're evil and shoot you, sending you, yet again, to Hell.
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Sure, love is fun and all, but Hell seems more interesting; therefore, while in Hell you
1) Try to escape as soon as possible
2) Make an alliance with Mortal Kombat's Scorpion and make war with Satan for dominion over Hell.
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Of course, dominating Hell would be better, but if you try to escape, you have two options:
You succeed and escape to an alternate history where unicorns and ponies rule the world with little girls in pretty pink colors, and everyone else must cater to their every whim, including you; or
You end up in an alternate history where the Axis won World War II.
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an alternate history where the Axis won World War II is better ,but You succeed and escape to an alternate history where unicorns and ponies rule the world with little girls in pretty pink colors, and everyone else must cater to their every whim you have two options:
1(cater to their every whim
2(try to get back to hell
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Of course, going back to Hell would be much worse than this, but if you chose to cater to their every whim, you have two options:
You wake up in an apartment in New York, finding it was all a dream; or
You see a flaw in the images, and realize this is just a cruel torture method of the Devil for trying to overthrow him all that time ago.
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sadly it is not a cruel torture method of the Devil its a apartment in New York(New York stinks) and it was all a dream you have two options:
1(go back to sleep
2(live in New York
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Of course, going back to sleep would be better, but if you decide to live in New York, you have two options:
Get mugged while looking both ways before crossing the street; or
Get hit by a taxi when not looking both ways before crossing the street.
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Of course getting mugged while looking both ways before crossing the street is better but Get hit by a taxi and get sent back to hell ,in hell you have two options:
1(try to escape again
2(try and live in hell
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Of course it'd be better to try and escape again, (5th times the charm) but if you choose to live in hell you have two options
Try to sit with the cool damned people; or
Take the only open seat with the dweebs
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Of course, it would be better to sit with the cool guys, but if you end up with the dweebs you have two options:
Make polite conversation; or
Sit in silence and glare at them
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Of course it'd be better to glare at them, but if you make polite conversation you have two options.
Talk about the weather; or
Talk about why everyone here ended up in hell
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Of course, it'd be better to talk about the weather, but if you discuss everybody's sins you have two options:
Tell them that you keep ending up in Hell because Satan appears to have some kind of personal vendetta against you; or
Make up a really cool reason for being there
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Of course, it would be better to make up a really cool reason, but if you talk about a vendetta, you have two options:
They laugh at you and tell everyone what an egomaniac you are; or
They all nod in agreement and help plan with you to overthrow Satan.
-
Of course, it would be better for everyone just to laugh away the conversation, but if they actually all decide to plan with you to overthrow Satan, you have two options:
Replace Satan with Bush, or
Turn the hell into anarchy.
-
Of course, it would be better if you turned it into an anarchy, but if you decide to replace Satan with Bush, you have two options:
Figure out a way to murder Bush; or
Convince him to come to hell of his own free will
-
Of course, it would be better to convince Bush to get to hell on his own will, but if you decide to murder him instead, you have to options:
Be the assassin, or
hire an assissin.
-
Of course, it would be better to kill him yourself (do you know how expensive assassins are?), but if you hire an assassin you have two options:
Hire a trained professional; or
Get a homeless guy from a seedy back alley
-
Of course it'd be better to get a professional, but if you go for the homeless guy you have two options
The one covered in cheap wine and urine; or
The one yelling at the lizardmen to get out of his purple jelly spine
-
what the hell are you talking about?
Of course it'd be better to get a professional, but if you go for the homeless guy you have two options
The one covered in cheap wine and urine; or
The one yelling at the lizardmen to get out of his purple jelly spine
-
i guess forums can be boring
-
what the hell are you talking about?Of course it'd be better to get a professional, but if you go for the homeless guy you have two options
The one covered in cheap wine and urine; or
The one yelling at the lizardmen to get out of his purple jelly spine
Well the post above says to get a homeless guy. So which homeless guy do you want.
-
Of course, it would be better to get the one covered in wine and urine, but if you go for the lunatic you have two options:
Try and use psychotherapy on him to cure him; or
Give him a gun and a picture of Bush and hope he gets the message
-
Of course, it would be better just to give him a gun and a picture of Bush, as he surely will get the message. B ut if you are trying to use psychotherapy to cure him, you have two options:
Do it yourself; or
Get a professional psychotherapist.
-
Of course, it would be best if you got a professional, but if you decide to do it yourself, you have two options:
You fail, and he goes nuts on you, killing you and sending you back to hell; or
You fail, and he goes nuts on you, killing you and sending you back to hell, but then succeeds in killing Bush.
-
Of course, it would be better if he killed Bush, but if you just go back to hell without having achieved anything, you have two options:
Give up and resign yourself to an eternity of endless pain; or
Try and escape again
-
Of course, it would be better if he killed Bush, but if you just go back to hell without having achieved anything, you have two options:
Give up and resign yourself to an eternity of endless pain; or
Try and escape again
Of course, it is better just to give up and resign yourself to an eternity of endless pain, but if you try and escape again, you have two options:
Do it the same way as the first time; or
Try a different way to escape.
-
Of course, it'd be better to try again the same way, but if you try a different tactic you have two options:
Get some lawyers on your side and go for the legal route; or
Walk out through the unguarded back door
-
Of course, it would be better to walk out through the unguarded back door. But if you choose to get some lawyers on your side and go for the legal route, you have two choices:
Get the best lawyer on Earth, or
get the best lawyer in Hell.
-
Of course, all the best lawyers are still alive, but if you get one from hell you have two choices:
Atticus Finch; or
Thurgood Marshall
-
Of course, Thurgood Marshall would be the better choice, since he actually existed, but if you pick Atticus Finch, you have two options:
You find out he's in Heaven, and has no license to practice in Hell, and you are tortured for the attempt; or
Atticus Finch is in Heaven, but he has a universal license to practice in all Afterlifes.
-
Of course it'd be better if he could practice in hell but if he can't you have two options
Ben Matlock; or
Perry Mason
-
Of course since you have completely forgotten who those lawyers are, you pick Perry Mason, who...
Defends you successfully, getting you out of hell
or
Gets held in contempt, serving no purpose whatsoever (and then y :drunks:u still have to pay him)
-
Of course, it would be better if he won, but if he lost, you have two options:
Sneak out of hell; or
Shoot your way out of hell.
-
Of course, it would be better to act like Solid Snake and sneak out, but there is a new Rambo movie coming out, and this is one hell of an audition. When you massacre everyone but Satan, you have two options:
Say a really stupid Steven Seagal esque closing line before blowing Lucifer's head off.
or
Accidentally shoot Satan's gay lover Saddam Hussein, therefore pissing off Satan and causing him to grow to new power.
-
Of course, it would be better to blow Lucifer's head off, but if you shoot Hussein, you have two options:
Run like it's 1999; or
Run like hell
-
Of course, you don't have the skills of Prince necessary to run like it's 1999, so you run like Hell (in Hell), and:
Escape to safety through the rip in the space-time continuum that came from you running like hell in hell
or
Escape to the set of The Crow, where you take Brandon Lee's bullet (therefore saving his life), but you return to Hell.
-
Of course, it would be better to go back to hell, because no one likes rips, but if you do the former, you have two options:
You materialize in New York, in a cubicle, wearing a suit, staring at a computer screen playing World of Warcraft; or
You materialize in Baghdad, as a Sunni, in a Shi'ite neighborhood, getting shot at by US forces.
-
Of course you don't want to immediately die in Baghdad, so you materialize in New York, where you:
Bash your head into a wall repeatedly for playing the most overrated game since Halo 2 (World of Warcraft)
or
Take out the disc and use it for skeet shooting.
-
OOC: Um..you realize you're supposed to pick the WORSE of the two options?
IC:
Of course, it would be better to use the disk for skeet shooting, but if you bash your head into the wall, you have two options
You go through the wall, killing yourself and resurrecting in Azeroth
You go through the wall, killing yourself and resurrecting in Tyria.
-
That is the worst option. At least my brain wouldn't melt in Baghdad. It might become bullet-ridden, but it wouldn't melt.
I have no idea which is the worst option, so I flipped a coin...heads was Azeroth, tails was Tyria.
Tails won.
Of course you'd like to end up in Azeroth, but you end up in Tyria, where you:
Finally find the secret cow level
or
Get eaten by the Killer Rabbit and end up back in Hell.
-
Of course it'd be better to go back to hell (home sweet home it would seem) but if you find the secret cow level you have two options.
Spend the rest of your days feasting on steaks; or
Let the cows spend the rest of feasting on you sending you not to hell... but to Gre'thor (Klingon Hell)
-
Of course it is better to spend the rest of your days feasting on steaks, but if you prefer to let the cows spend the rest of feasting on you sending you not to hell... but to Gre'thor, you have to options:
Stay forever in Gre'thor; or
Reincarnate as a Somalian
-
Of course it'd be better to reincarnate, but if you decide to stay in Gre'thor you have two options:
Either spend time playing card games with the dishonoured dead; or
try to reclaim your honour by fighting sixty Elvis impersonators in the room of scorching buttered lava
-
Of course it'd be better to try to reclaim your honor by fighting sixty Elvis impersonators in the room of scorching buttered lava, but if you decide to spend time playing card games with the dishonored dead,
you have two options:
learn how to cheat and collect all their bones
be stripped naked, laughed at by a bunch of honorable carcasses and dressed-up as a pink-bunny.
-
Of course it'd be better to be stripped naked and laughed at, but if you decide to be a cheating meany and collect the poor souls' bones you have two options:
You can either grind the bones to make your bread or use them to build a tower from which you swear to one day rule Gre'thor.
-
Of course, it would be better to make yourself a nice bone sandwich but if you build a tower you have two options:
Build an impossibly tall tower; or
Build a moderately sized tower
-
of course it would be better to build an impossibly tall tower but if u build a medium sized tower you have two options:
attach automatic weapons to the top and shoot into the air for fun; or
spend the day making knuckle children
-
Of course it'd be better to spend the day making knuckle children but if you attach automatic weapons you have two options
Water balloon thrower; or
Nuke launcher
-
Of course, it'd be better to attach a nuke launcher, but if you attach a water balloon thrower you have two options:
Use normal water; or
Use poisoned water
-
Of course, it'd be better to use normal water, but if you decide to use poisoned water you have two options:
You can either poison it with arsenic or Wolf Spider venom.
-
Of course, it would be better to use arsenic, but if you use Wolf Spider venom you have two options:
Hunt down a Wolf Spider; or
Buy one on the black market
-
Of course, it'd be better to buy one on the black market, but if you decide to hunt one down personally you have two options:
You can either try to catch one in a net or shoot arrows at them.
-
Of course, a net would be far more effective, but if you try to shoot it from afar you have two options:
You aim directly at the spider; or
You aim at the rocks above, hoping that they will fall and crush it
-
of course it would be better to shoot at the spider but if u shoot at the rocks u have 2 options:
stand far enough back to be safe and admit defeat
or risk your life to shoot at them
-
Of course it'd be better to be safe, but if you risk you life you have two options
Either you die; pr
You live
-
Of course it is better to live, but if you die, you have two options:
go back to hell (again!!)
wander around as zombie
-
Of course, it's better to stick with what you know, but if you become a zombie you have two options:
Lurch around and moan "Braaains"; or
Throw off old stereotypes and do your bit for the community
-
of course it would be better to moan braains! but if u decide to do your bit for the community you have two choices
1. eat all the criminals
2. scare any STD infected hookers from the community
-
Of course it'd be better to eat the criminals (Mmmmm Braaiinnnsss....) but if you scare off the infected hookers you have two options.
Rely on be a single scary zombie to try and scare them away; or
Turn some kids into zombies to help you.
-
Of course it would be better to turn some kids into zombies, but if you rely on a single scary zombie, you have two choices:
Choose Zombie Jesus, or
Choose Zombie Saddam
-
Of course, Zombie Saddam is much scarier, but if you choose Zombie Jesus you have two options:
Be converted to Christianity; or
Convert Zombie Jesus to atheism
-
Of course, it is better to convert Zombie Jesus to atheist, but if you choose to be convered to Christian, you have two options:
be a Catholic, or
be an Orthodox
-
Of course being Orthodox would be better, but if you become Catholic, you have two options:
Say the Ave Maria
or
Go to confession
-
Of course, it would be better to say the Ave Maria, but if you choose to go to confession you have two options:
Confess about trying to conquer hell on a regular basis; or
Make up a gripping tale of mystery and intrigue
-
Of course it'd be better to make an honest confession, but if you go for the gripping tale you have two options
Make up story about being a renegade priest on the run from the churches secret "Pew 13" organization which is attempting to nuke the south pole. It was in your church that you found their plans to nuke the south pole and having been a good priest you welcomed a family of penguins into your congregation and now you can not help but think of all the poor penguins that will be deep fried in their icy home.
or
Make up a story based roughly on the plot lines of Heroes and that your power is the ability to turn holy water into rum. Then try to get the priest to drink all the holy water he can to see if he gets drunk or not. Wait a little while and when nature calls steal all the wine and holy cookies and run for the streets
-
Of course, that first thing you said would be better, but if you choose to steal all the holy stuff and risk incurring the wrath of Zombie Jesus, you have two options:
Stash them under a mattress; or
Eat the evidence
-
Of course it'd be better to eat the delicious evidence, but if you stash it under the mattress you have two options
Stash it under the mattress until you can find a buyer; or
Keep it there until you can destroy zombie jesus
-
Of course, it'd be better to find a buyer for it, but if you decide to destroy Zombie Jesus, you have two options:
Use a machine gun; or
Crucify him again
-
of course it'd be better to use a machine gun, but if you go for a Crucifixion you have two options
Use the standard cross and nails; or
Use an upside down cross with silver nails
-
Of course, the latter would be better, but if you decide to go for ordinary crucifixion you have two options:
Wait until he's dead, stick a sword in his side to confirm it, then let some grieving women take him to a cave somewhere; or
Wait until he's dead, cremate him, and scatter the ashes in the sea
-
Of course it'd be better to mess up the body and leave the clean up for others. But if you burn and toss him you have two options:
His ashes fuse with the sea forming the all powerful being known as HydroZus (Hydro Zombie Jesus)
Screw the tossing him in the sea and sell hi ashes as a phony cure for AIDS/Cancer
-
Well, I think we all know which is the better option there, but if you do end up creating a HydroZus, you have two options:
Reason with it; or
Run like hell
-
Of course it'd be better to flee, but in reasoning you are given two choices
Skate or Die.... Skk Skk Skate or Die... die die die die die (A cookie to you if you get the reference)
-
Of course, it'd be better if I knew the reference, because cookies are nice, but if you decide to offer HydroZus a skateboard for some reason, you have two options:
Get him an ordinary one; or
Get a custom made one
-
Of course a custom board would be better but with the standard board you
Avert his wrath; or
Draw his wrath
-
Of course, it would be better to avert his wrath, but if you draw his wrath you have two options:
Run like the wind; or
Freeze in terror
-
of course it would be better to run like the wind but you freeze in terror.
you have two options:
take his wrath like grace
or
give him a giant kiss
-
Of course it'd be better to take it with grace, but you pucker up and
HydroZus gets a warm feeling in his heart and spares you or
HydroZus gives you a slow painful death because you have cooties
-
Of course, it'd be better if he spared you, but if you recieve a slow painful death you have two options:
End up back in hell; or
End up in heaven
-
of course it would be better if u went to heaven but if u go to hell u have two options:
try to kill the devil
or try to escape
-
Of course you've been there done that so many time now, but this time you decide to kill the devil:
Ninja style; or
In a drive-by
-
Of course, ninjas are infinately awesome, but if you want to kill him in a drive-by shooting you have two options:
Rent a car; or
Steal a car
-
Of course it'd be better to just steal the car, but if you rent it you have two options.
Rent an SUV; or
Rent a scooter
-
Of course, it'd be better to rent a scooter, but if you decide to rent an SUV you have two options:
Cut the devil into little pieces and hide them in various spots around the car's interior or plain old run the bastard over.
-
f course it would be better to hide his pieces all over the car but if u choose to run him over u have 2 options:
steal the devils porn collection (includin some v nice pictures of PUR and Allama ;))
or flee from the millions of hoards of oncoming demons who are desperate for revenge
-
Of course it'd be better to flee the angry mob. But if you take the devil's extensive porn collection you have two options.
Blackmail PUR and Allama or post the collection on the internet
-
Of course it'd be better to post the collection on the internet, but if you decide to blackmail the poor, innocent ladies you have two options:
Blackmail us for $1 million, or blackmail us for a plate of brownies.
(Where did the Devil get those pictures? He must have been outside my window, the lecherous pig!)
-
Of course with $1 millions dollars you could buy many brownies, but if you decide to blackmail for a plate of delicious homemade brownies you have two options.
Accept the brownies and hand over the porn or Accept the brownies and post the pics on the internet anyways
-
Of course, it'd be better to post them on the internet anyway (you'd have porn AND brownies, what could be better?), but if you decide to be honest and hand over all the porn you will eventually get bored and need something else to do. In this case, you have two options:
You can either seek entertainment at the movie theatre or go to a real theatre.
-
Of course legitimate theater is always better then a simple movie, so when you go to the movies you have two options
Cookie cutter written college buddy movie; or
Nothing but pointless gore and screaming movie.
-
Of course it would be better to watch the pointless gore and screaming movie (Grindhouse), but if you watch, for the millionth time, the cookie cutter written college buddy movie, you can either:
Watch the entire movie as your IQ plummets to zero
or
Go on a rampage, shooting up the movie theater, getting caught and shot by the police, and ending up in hell...AGAIN.
-
Of course, an IQ drop could only do well for your extreme boredom, but going to Hell suits you, you have two options:
Die and go to Hell's Hell; or
Die and go to Hell's Heaven.
-
Of course Hell's hell would be better, but in hell's heaven you have two options.
Use one of the old methods to get out of hell; or
Think up a new way to keep the demons on their feet
-
Of course, it's better to stick with what you know, but if you think of a new strategy you have two options:
Ask nicely to be released; or
Plan a complex scheme involving several potatoes and a walrus
-
Of course a nice simple asking would be best, but with a complex scheme you can either...
Just get the potatoes and Walruses together and hope the details resolve themselves; or
Sit down and figure out just how you'll make this craziness work
-
Of course, it would be better to work out all the details, but if you just collect up all the components you have two options:
Steal a walrus from the zoo of Hell; or
Find a nice patch of soil to grow potatoes
-
Of course it'd be better to keep the options straight, but if you find a nice patch of soil in which to grow Walri you have two options
Find a walrus willing to plant it's seed in the ground; or
try sprout a clone from a walrus tusk
-
Of course, it would be better to get the walrus seed directly from a walrus, but if you try to clone one you have two options:
It works; or
It doesn't
-
Of course, it would be better if it failed so you'd be forced to come up with a better plan, but if it works you have two options:
You can either wait until they mature fully or you can pull them out of their tube a week early.
-
Of course, it would be better to wait until they're ready but if you jeopardise the entire plan by being impatient you have two options:
Get eaten by half-grown mutant walri; or
Tame the half-grown mutant walri
-
of course it would be better if u tamed the walri but if u get eaten by 1 u have 2 options:
fight ur way out
or learn to be a symbiote of the beast
-
Of course it'd be better to merge with the Walri, but if you fight you're way out you have two options. Either you fight your way out the mouth, or... well.... there's really only one other way out of a walrus and I think we all know what it is... ewww...
-
of course it would be better to fight out of the creatures mouth but if u have an inclination for its butt hole you have two options
be guided by your sense of smell
or be guided by your sense of taste
-
Of course it'd be better to go by smell.. but if you go by taste you have two options
Drink until you've forgotten that horrible experience; or be forever traumatized
-
Of course, it would be better to drink until you forgot that horrible experience, but if you chose to be forever traumatized:
Would you live as a hermit in the desert or be would you choose to be confined in a mental hospital?
-
of course it would be better to live as a hermit but if u go to a mental hospital u have 2 options
convince a nurse to elope with you
or take the nurse hostage and escape
-
Of course it would be better to convince a nurse to elope with you, but if you choose to take the nurse hostage and escape, you have two options:
- talk to the nurse about the plan before hand
- do it as a surprise
-
Of course, it'd be better to discuss it ahead of time so nothing gets effed up, but if you decide to surprise her with a gun to the temple you have two options:
Do it during lunch or do it when the orderlies are passing out medication.
-
of course it would be better to do this during lunch but if u choose medication time u have two options
steal ur medication
steal needles to be used as weapons
-
Of course, it'd be better to steal the meds you need to stay moderately to slightly sane, but if you decide to steal needles you have two options:
Plunge them into an orderly's throat or use them to threaten your hostage.
-
of course it would be better to threaten your hostage but if u choose to attack the orderly you have two options
take the needles out causing a spray of blood
or leave them in and hope he leaves you alone
-
Of course the sight of blood would offset your opponents, but if you leave the needle in you have two options
Beat up the orderly to make sure they don't follow, or take the nurse and flee
-
of course it would be better to beat up the orderly but if u choose to take the nurse and flee you have two options
jump out of a window and use the nurse to brake your fall
or use the elevator
-
of course it would be better to use the window, but if you use the elevator you have two options
try to invite the nurse out for a drink after this is all over; or
listen to the elevator music
-
Of course, it would be better to listen to the elevator music, but if you had to try to take the nurse out for a drink afterwards, would you:
Try and coax her to go out with you, or just slip her a roofie.
-
Of course it'd be better to try and coax her, but if you just slip her a roofie you have two options:
Wait until you get out of the elevator or don't
-
Of course, it'd be better to wait until later when you won't be as conspicuous, but if you decide to give the roofie to her now you have two options:
You can either slip it into your water bottle and hand it to her politely and with a smile, or you can try to shove the pill directly down her throat.
-
of course the water bottle is the best idea but if u decide on force u have two options
have ur way with her there and then
or wait for somewhere more private
-
Have your way with here there and then.
1) She kicks you in the groin.
2) The police come and throw you in jail.
Note: I'm awful at spelling, but I'm a grammar nut case. O:-)
-
Of course it'd be better to be kicked in the groin, but if the police arrest you you have two options:
Kick the police it the groin; or
go to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200
-
Of course it would be better to kick the police in the groin, but if you chhose to go to jail you have two options:
wait until you roll double dice, or
pay $50 and get out.
-
of course it would be better to pay but if u decide to wait you have two options
1. masterbate over the nurse while you wait
2. pee on the rats in your cell for amusement
-
Of course it would be better to masturbate to the nurse but, if you pee on the rats, you have two options:
1) Have the rats grow to unusual size because of your radioactive pee and eat you, sending you back to Hell.
or
2) Drown in your ever-rising pee, ending up as Hell's laughingstock.
-
of course it'd be better to be mauled by mutant rats, but if you go to your golden watery grave you have two options
Crack a joke about getting pissed off; or hope you can drink faster then you can piss
-
of course it would be better to crack a joke but if u decide to drink you have two options
1 realise that everything you drink must come back out but keep doing it anyway and pray for a miracle
2 try to hold it
-
Of course it would be better to realise that everything you drink must come back out but keep doing it anyway and pray for a miracle, if you try to hold it you...
Hold it just long enough to escape the room, but lose your bladder, which exploded
or
Still drown and STILL end up in hell, as you don't have a going problem, but a growing problem.
-
i would rather to have my bladder explode...
dance like a crazed chicken naked at the white house
OR
be kicked out for a politically offensive dance
-
Tip to Vive...you're supposed to continue the story. The dude is not going to get from jail with an exploding bladder to the white house. I will therefore ignore your post until you rectify it.
-
Because Hell really isn't a bad place, drowning wouldn't be too nasty, but if instead you decide to hold on, resulting in the painful destruction of your bladder, you have two options:
Either you notice you have a convenient plot device stuck between your teeth or you panic and stop, drop and roll.
-
Of course, it'd be better if you realized the plot device was there, but if you decide to stop, drop, and roll you have two options:
You can either roll to the left or roll to the right.
-
of course it would be better to roll to the left but if u roll to the righ u have two options
1 roll in pain
2 roll through the bars into the cell of the gay rapist
-
Of course, it'd be better to roll in pain, but if you decide to roll into the cell of a "gay rapist" you have two options:
You can either realize he's been completely reformed and become best friends or roll right back out to safety.
-
Of course it'd be better to make a new friend, but if you roll back out you have two options
Roll in front of a prison guard who beats you to death for trying to escape; or
roll through a portal into the whitehouse where you're naked chicken dancing
-
of course it would be better to be beaten 2 death (stick with what you know)
but if you choose the embarassment of chicken dancing you have two options
1 it is a whitehouse in this universe
2 it is a whitehouse in an alternate universe
-
of course it'd be better if it was an alternate whitehouse - one without bush in it - but if you're dancing naked for "da prez" you have two options.
Be poisoned by deadly rays of stupidity, or try to distract him with something shiny
-
of course it would bebetter to take the stupidity rays as your too stupid to realise they r there but if u choose something shiny you have two options
1. distract him with a shiny barrel of oil
2 distract him with a shiny dime
-
of course the shiney dime would be better but if you use a barrel you have two options.
Fight Bush Donkey Kong style; or try to convince him it tastes good and hand him a spoon
-
of course it would bebetter to fight but if u try to convince hi, you have two options
1 he accepts the spoon (bearing in mind this outcome will kill him)
2 he doesn't
-
of course it'd be better if he didn't take the spoon, but if he does you have to options.
Watch him chow down; or do the classic "airplane coming in for a landing" thing
-
Time to resurrect another cool game!
-
Then why not bring it back by playing it?
-
Then why not bring it back by playing it?
*I was too busy pwning the games subforum at the time, with Larry challenging me at every turn.*
Of course, it would be better to watch him chow down and gag and collapse, if you do the "airplane coming in for a landing" you
Miss his mouth, spilling the oil all over his chin
OR
Shove the spoon and oil down his throat
-
I would love to see him drool oil.
would you rather scratch a design in bush's contacts or paint a scene on his glasses?
-
Meridianland, look at the format and change your post. Contacts/glasses have nothing to do with the result of him drooling oil.
-
If he drools oil, do you.
Clean it up,
or
Leave it for him to figure out
-
Of course it would be better to clean it up, but if you leave it for him to figure it out, he
gets on the ground and proceeds to lick it all up
or
Slips on it five minutes later
-
Of course it would be MUCH better if he licked it up, but if he slipped on it, either:
A) He dies and Dick Cheney ascends to the Presidency
or
B) He lives, but goes into a coma, making Cheney only ascend to Acting Presidency.
-
Of course both those options suck donkey balls. But if Bushy goes into a coma you have two options:
Convince Cheney to pull the plug; or
Try to make the doctors prove he wasn't brain dead before he went into the coma.
-
ummm, god this is tough.... i guess Try to make the doctors prove he wasn't brain dead before he went into the coma.
Option 1) Join the Geek Libertion Army after bush awakens and orders it
Option 2) join the enemy Jock Army of Jockiness.
-
Of course it'd be better to join the JAoJ, but if you wind up drafted in the GLA you have two options:
Become the Fett; or
Flee to Canada
-
whats the fett?
-
Boba Fett... Don't he command the GLA?
-
no...just the military wing.
and i choose option 2.
Now that your the Fett you can
A) Lead your soldiers into to battle
B) Or let them get cut down by paint ball and airsoft bullets.
-
Of course, it would be better to lead them into battle, but if you let them get cut down you either
Get killed in a mutiny
or
Run away to a safe haven
-
You run Away to a Safe Haven. Now that you are here, you can
A) Live a Unhappy life
B) Become a Warlord and take over the area you ran away to.
-
Of course it would be better to become a Warlord and rule your new home, but if you just live an unhappy life, you
Die in a strange accident at the age of 74 involving a cat and a wood chipper
or
Just end things early and end up in hell...again.
-
it would be better to live long, but if you get stuck in hell, you can
Stay and talk with Bara, cause hes now a Geek Demon (see on of the game threads)
or
commit suicide and go father into hell.
-
Of course talking with Bara seems like a deeper layer of hell... but I'll chance it on the deeper layers. When you get there you'll find:
Either two Bara's to talk you have to talk to; or
You wake up in Calgary with a splitting headache and a needle in your arm
-
Of course, it'd be better to stay where you know the territory (like Hell), but if you decide to wake up in Calgary with a needle in your arm you have two options.
You can either shout in surprise and alert the nurse or jump out of bed and run through the hospital.
-
Of course it would be better to shout in surprise, but if you run naked through the hospital, you either
get tazed by security
or
have the sedatives placed in your bloodstream be activated, and you collapse.
-
of course a drug induced nap would be better, but if the guards tazer you, you have two options:
Make a crack about filing a "counter charge"; or
Rub your feet on the carpet and use static electricity to give them a taste of their own medicine
-
Of course it would be better to give them a taste of their own medicine, but if you make the "counter charge" joke, you
get pistol whipped by the pissed-off guards
or
get transferred to Last Comic Standing
-
if you get pistol whipped and wake up in the hospital (again) , you have two options
1) Get the hot nurse to "make it better"
2) run out the open door.
-
Of course a little naughty nurse fun would be better, but if you run out the open door you have two options:
The door is a portal to hell; or
The door is an open door in an elevator shaft - good thing you're on the 50th floor - you fall down the shaft, die, and go to hell
-
of course it would be easier to just get it over with, but if you dont and fall to you death you can
1) Play video games until you die
2) Watch a never ending porno.
-
Of course it would be better to watch a never ending porno, but if you play video games, you
spend the entire fall waiting for the ******* system to load.
or
are stuck playing an NGage for the final moments of your life.
-
of course it would be better to play the N-gage, but if you choose the other option, then you can
A) Wake up in Hell, and then ask why superman is there
or
2) Talk to Bara
-
Of course, it would be better to find out that pretty boy Superman is in hell with you, but if you talk to Bara, you
try to brain yourself but can't (since you're already dead)
or
actually have intelligent, meaningful conversation.
-
of course it would be better to have a intelligent, meaningful conversation but if you dont and try to brain yourself but fail you can
1)just sit there a talk
or
2) Walk to a father level of hell.
-
Of course hanging out with a bunch of dads in hell would be fun, but if you just sit there and talk you can:
Talk about Spore; or
Have a good conversation about the nature of reality and the existence of the soul.
-
Of course it would be better talking about Spore, but if you dont then you can
A) Walk even father down the hell
B) Ask Satan to just send you somehwere else.
-
Of course it'd just be better to ask for directions, but you just go walking deeper and find two doors, do you take the door labeled:
"Robot Monkey Death Squad Room"; or
"Mechanical Chimp Termination Legion Chamber"
-
of course it would be cooler to see the Mechanical Chimp Termination Legion, but if you dont, you can
1) Became a Robot Monkey
or
2) Wake up
-
Of course the past tense of become a robot monkey would be cool - although grammatically incorrect -but if you wake up you have two options:
Wake up in Hell; or
Wake up in your bed with your Mom yelling that the breakfast cookies are done.
Cookies for breakfast? It must be Moma Khab!
-
It would be sweet to have cookies for breakfast, but if you wake up in hell, you can
^
NOTICE!
IT
STARTS
WITH
A
CAPITAL
LETTER!
1) Go to sleep and try agian
or
2) Sleep with some random ugly fat chick to get out of hell.
-
(Congratulations, Bara! If it weren't for the misspelling of 'again', that post would be totally and gramatically correct!)
Of course, it would be better to try and get out of hell, even if it meant sleeping with 'some random ugly fat chick', but if you go back to sleep you can either:
Wake up at home; or
Find yourself in a freaky dream world
-
i would be kinda cool to go to some freaky dream world, but if you wake up at home, you can
A) Go eat something
or
B) Play Video Games.
-
Of course, it would be better to play video games, but if you decide to get something to eat you can either:
Get a cookie; or
Get a nutritious cereal bar
-
it would be much better to get a cookie, but if you get the ceral bar ,you can
1) Refuse to eat it
or
2) Eat it
-
Of course it'd be better to eat the bar. But should you refuse you can:
1) Starve; or
2) Find something better to eat
-
Of course it would better to find something better but if you starve, you can
A) Die and go to hell (agian)
or
b) Eat something
-
Hmmm... another trip to hell would be good... it's become a home away from home by now. But you decide to find something to eat and you find:
A cookie; or
A racoon
-
it would be much better to eat a cookie, but if you eat a raccon you can
a) find out you have rabies and go insane
or
b) find out that you have rabies and somehow you live.
-
Well insanity is a lot of fun.... but if you somehow live you:
Become a medical oddity and are locked in a lab to be a guinea pig; or
You become a sort of rabies werewolf and go into fits of super human insanity when ever someone whistles the song "break thru" by Queen
-
you know, both of those options suck....
-
Then choose the greater of the two evils and roll with it.
-
it would be pretty cool to go insane when you hear somebody whistles the song "break thru" by Queen, but if you become a human Guinea pig you can
A) bust out
or
B) Die a slow, painful death and go to heaven.
-
Of course, it would be better to go to heaven and finally end all this, but if you decide to bust out, you can:
Slowly dig your way out with a spoon; or
Fake a seizure and then escape from the medical wing
-
it would make for a great movie to dig your way out with a spoon, but if you decide to fake a seizure and escape through a medical wing, you can
A)Run down the hall to the door to freedom, without stopping
or
B) Take sometime for a nurse to...*ahem* make herself more comfy....
-
Nurses are always fun... well... not always... but any who... if you boot it down the hall you discover that:
The exit is just painted on; or
This really is a the medical wing.... of a giant human eating bird.
-
it would be cool to see a giant human eating bird, but if the door is painted on, you can
1) Run back to the nurse
or
2) kick down a wall
-
Running to the nurse would be fun, but if you kick don the wall:
You find a skeleton hiding in the wall; or
You kick your way to freedom
-
it would be cool to go all CSI and find the skeleton, but if you decide to kick your way to freedom you can
1) get tired and blow the wall up
or
2) keep kicking until you break down the wall
-
Well, it would be better to blow it up, but if you keep kicking, you can:
Break through; or
Collapse from exhaustion
-
Of course it would be better to break on through (to the other side), but if you fail and collapse, you
get dragged back to you room and operated on
or
are used by the nurse for her own pleasures.
-
it would be cooler to go with the nurse... ::) but if you get operated on, you can
A) go all robocop
or
B) go all cyborg thingy
-
Well Robocop was a cyborg, so it's really the same option. As a cyborg you become a:
Prototype military weapon who retains free will and decides to fight back against the "masters"; or
Become ED-209
-
Of course it would be better to become ED-209 (at least you're comic relief), but if you become cliched robot, you...
get killed by Will Smith
or
lead the Robot Army to glory (with Lopez and Sheila at either side).
-
Of course, it would be better to win the battle, but if you get killed you can:
Be thrown away with the rest of the junk metal; or
Be rebuilt even stronger, and hunt down Will Smith for revenge
-
you know, I'm just going to choose option 2. everybody will choose it.
when you finally kill Will Smith, you can
A) Say some really cool line
or
B) just walk away
-
Of course, it would be better if you could think of a snappy one-liner, but instead you just walk away and:
Get run over; or
Get attacked by killer bees
-
Well a truck would be fun. But when the swarm of killer bees attacks you can:
Panic; or
Realize that bees can't hurt robots even if they are killers
-
you would probably panic but if you some how remember that your a robot you can
A) Walk through the bees
or
B) Kill all the bees
-
Killing the killer bees seems like a good solution, but if you walk away you:
Are chased by the bees; or
You walk away, straight into a car crusher
-
being chased by the bees sounds like a good idea, becasue you cant be hurt, but if you run into a car crusher, you can
A) wave good bye to the world as your killed
or
B) look and see thats its not on, and walk away
-
When you see that it's not on you stop waving and walking out, you:
Accidentally activate the machine and crush yourself; or
Decide to kill all humans
-
If you choose the kill all humans option you can
A) Lead your robot hordes to glory
or
B) just do it yourself
-
Of course, it would be better if you had robot hordes to help you, but if you do it yourself you can:
Kill each individual human one by one; or
Head into space and blow up the planet
-
Of course it would be more fun to kill everyone one by one, but if you blow up Earth, you
realize that now you have no home and float aimlessly until you are incinerated by the sun
or
wake up from a long sleep and a seriously messed up dream.
-
if it was a moive, the first option would be better. but if your not you can
A) realize that you had over 6000 beers last night
or
B) just don't remember anything and you have a dead body in your shower.
-
You know, both are bad, but if you don't remember anything and you have a dead body in your shower you can
A) Keep it as a friend, Norman Bates-style.
or
B) Stow it in your freezer until the trash pickup next Thursday.
-
if you kept it as a friend, then you could plead insantiy, if not, you could
A) Get caught
or
B) Get away with it
-
Of course, it would be better to get away with it, but if you get caught you can
Calmly accept whatever prison sentence you recieve, or;
Try to break out of jail
-
some might just take it, but, if you want to, you can try to break out of jail and
A) You escape.
or
B) you get caught
-
It would be better to escape, but if you get caught again, you can
Plead insanity; or
Shoot the place up
-
Getting away with it would be easier, but if you get caught, you A) Run like the Fugitive or B) Shoot like the Punisher
-
uhh...
-
uhh... would be the appropriate response, but because you didn't choose any previous option, you either
A. Die
B. Live
-
liveing us better, but, if you die you...
-Respawn
-Become a Zombie
-
Respawning is better. Having all of those organs and guts hanging out of your skeleton is nasty. However, if you die after respawning,
-you're dead
-you respawn again
-
Jeez, Road Warrior...catch up on your classic movies and comics. The Fugitive, with Harisson Ford, came out in the early 90s, and the Punisher has been a comic for a while (and a movie adaptation came out a couple of years ago...a sequel is in the works)
-
Jeez, Road Warrior...catch up on your classic movies and comics. The Fugitive, with Harisson Ford, came out in the early 90s, and the Punisher has been a comic for a while (and a movie adaptation came out a couple of years ago...a sequel is in the works)
:'(
-
Anyway...
Respawning is better. Having all of those organs and guts hanging out of your skeleton is nasty. However, if you die after respawning,
-you're dead
-you respawn again
If you die, you're dead. Duh. However, if you die,
-you have to live
-you know you're dead
-
then your dead. end of story. no more options. your dead/
-
Great, you killed the thread.
As you lie dead on the ground:
A pack of wolves find you and drag you back to their lair; or
A bunch of kids come and poke you with a stick
-
While the kids are poking you, you can
-become a Zombie and eat them
-stay dead.
-
If you become a zombie and eat the kids, you can
Start looking for a cure for zombism; or
Shamble around town biting people to spread it
-
spreading it seems like a fun way to go! but
- you have to deal with the National Guard
- your a vegetarian.
-
Unfortunately, thou art a vegetarian, so you can either
Create an army of zombie carrots; or
Scrap the whole idea and kill yourself again
-
Don't you know that people die when they are killed? On the other hand, I won't die even if you kill me. There's a dilemma for you.
-
oh nooo
-
You could always scrap the whole idea and kill yourself, but if you create an army of carrots you would have to:
1) Work with carrots and turn them into mutant soldiers (which would suck, since you are allergic to them).
2) Pay someone to work with them (and people who work with mutant carrots are really expensive)
-
It would be cheaper to work with them yourself, but if you want to hire someone, you can raise the money by
Renting yourself out for Halloween parties; or
Robbing a bank
-
You could rent yourself for Halloween parties, but if you rob a bank you would have to:
1) Train yourself into deep control of martial arts.
2) Create an invisible invisibility cloak and use it to rob the bank.
-
martials arts will take a while, so you invent a cloak. But,
-it blows up in your face
- it takes away your sperm.
-
it takes away your sperm. However,
-you are a girl
-you are sterile
-
if you are sterile then god
-kills you
-goes WTF?
-
If God kills you,
-you go to heaven
-you go to hell
-
well, i think heavans a nice place, but what if you go to hell? You
-quickly wonder what you have done in order to get here
- you settle in.
-
you would quickly wonder what you did to get here. For punishment:
-you have to lick the world's first toothbrush clean
-hot coffee is forever being spilled on your head
-
You know, if you read through this thread, it becomes apparent that we've been to Hell more times than I can count, and we've pretty much exhausted every possibility it provides. But, whatever.
It would be better if you had to lick the toothbrush clean, because at least you'd have something to do, but if you end up with coffee being spilled on your head for eternity:
-you plot to escape
-you accept your fate, because the coffee is actually fairly refreshing compared to the scorching fires of hell
-
while you plot to esapce, you realize
- you don't even know where hell is
- and, if you do escape how are you going to do anything? your dead.
-
That's never stopped us before!
You:
-fight your way out
-try to make a deal with the devil
-
of course, since i am picking it you fight it out. But,
- you need help
- you realize that your thirsty.
-
If you need help, you're going to have to ask either:
-one of the lesser demons
-one of the other suffering souls
-
Since there is more souls then there are demons, you
- give them candy and they follow you
- You kill all your rivals, and let them wear themselves out, allowing you to choose the strongest.
-
You manage to seperate out the strongest souls to help you, and together you attempt to break out of Hell. You:
-succeed
-fail
-
succeced! however,
- you army soon loots and pillages the earth
- you loot and pillage the earth.
-
...you loot and pillage the earth. However,
-Earth is just a figment of your imagination
-Hey, look! Cheese!
-
Cheese!
- you eat it
- you eat it with salt!
-
You eat it. However,
-it's poisonous
-it's old
-
after you figure its old
you still eat it
you eat it with pepper!
-
you still eat it. Then you
-die
-keep eating it
-
you keep eating it.
-
Forever.
-
And ever. However,
-you have two options
-you have no options
-
You have no options.
-
I think this game just ended.
-
Yeah. Guess it's up to me to start it again. It's a shame I'm too lazy.
-
Let's make Road Warrior do it.
-
RW, get up here!
-
WHAT!
-
Restart this game!
-
NO!
-
YES! MAJORITY RULE! BOTH LARRY (aka God) and I vote YOU restart the game.
-
NEVER! VIVA LA CHOICE!
-
Yes. We CHOOSE you.
-
I choose you, Pikachu!
-
I don't.
-
Shame on you. Pikachu is awesome.
Dammit, RW, come and restart this thread!
-
fine....
You decied to join the Imperial Guard you...
- Joins RW's 1st Grivlar Raiders
- Joins Emp's Tank group.
-
Of course, it would be better to get as far away from RW as possible, but if you decide to join the Grivlar(?) Raiders, you can
-forget all strategy and charge in wildly
-stop playing Warhammer and get a life
-
(What was i supposed to call it? Fluffy bunny land?)
Now, it would be funny to charge in wildling, but, if you really want a life..
- you get laid
- You try to get laid.
-
Of course everyone tries to get laid, but its always better to actually get laid so you have two options:
1.) a woman
2.) a man
-
Of course it's better with a woman, but if you want to get laid with a dude, he has to be
-George Bush
-Bill Clinton
-
Of course, these are both horrible choices, but if you go with George Bush, afterwards you can
- go to the media with your story and destroy what little reputation he has left
- keep it quiet, but use it to blackmail him
-
while these are both deceitful and cruel if you go to the media and destroy his reputation you either become
- the new 15 min. celebrity
- the scapegoat to all of the world's problems
-
while these are both deceitful and cruel if you go to the media and destroy his reputation you either become
- the new 15 min. celebrity
- the scapegoat to all of the world's problems
While using your 15 minutes would be fun, if you become the world's newest scapegoat, you
-Ignore the rest of the world anyway (in other words, act no differently than the man you replaced).
or
-Start the long process of actually solving problems.
-
while these are both deceitful and cruel if you go to the media and destroy his reputation you either become
- the new 15 min. celebrity
- the scapegoat to all of the world's problems
While using your 15 minutes would be fun, if you become the world's newest scapegoat, you
-Ignore the rest of the world anyway (in other words, act no differently than the man you replaced).
or
-Start the long process of actually solving problems.
While starting the long process of actually solving problems is probably the noble thing to do, You ignore the the rest of the worlds problems by:
-becoming a bigger scandal as an alcoholic and skirt chaser
or
- just go and get your hair cut.
-
although becoming a bigger scandal as an alcoholic and skirt chaser would be more fun you get a haircut then you
-load the nuclear football
-go out for ice cream
-
playing with a nuclear football is always fun. You
Throw it to far
or
Throw it to short.
-
Of course, it would be better if you could spell, but if you add another o and throw it too far
- it lands in a lake
- it blows up a church
-
Of course if it blew up a church that would be bad, so it lands in the lake and
-shoot a gyser 100 feet high.
-blows a hole in the bottom of the lake and all the water drains out.