Two Options

[Allama]

Of course, it'd be better to wait for morning, but if you decide to stumble down there now you have two options:

You can either puke in the bushes outside or get there and realize they're not open.

[Larry]

Of course, it would be better to puke in the bushes, inadvertently killing the deadly plant life residing there, but if you get to the office you have two options:

Curse and stumble home again or get hopelessly lost.

[Allama]

Of course, it'd be better to get lost because cursing is so vulgar, but if you decide to curse and stumble home you have two options:

Go inside and drink more or pass out on the front lawn.

[Larry]

Of course, it would be better to pass out and spare your liver, but if you try to go inside you have two options:

Enter without incident, or drop your keys down the drain.

[Allama]

Of course, it'd be better to enter without incident, but if you drop your keys down the drain you have two options:

Try to fish it out with a bent coathanger or go to sleep and wait until morning to come up with a sober (albeit hung-over) solution.

[Larry]

Of course, it would be better to sleep on it, but if you try to use a bent coathanger you have two options:

You can ask random passers-by for a coathanger or steal one from the neighbours house.

[tak]

Of course, it would be better to steal one from the neighbours house, as there is nobody around at this hour, but if you want to ask a random passer-by, you have two options:

You can wait until someone passes by, or you go around your neighbourhood and look for somebody.

[Larry]

Of course, it would be better to go and look for somebody, but if you wait then you have two options:

Get bored and fall asleep, or pass the time by jogging round the garden.

[Solnath]

Of course it'd be better if you fell asleep, but if you go jogging around the garden, you have two options:

Either you stumble and trip because you're drunk, hurting yourself or you meet someone.

[Larry]

Of course, anybody lurking in your garden at this time of night is bad news, but if you do meet someone, you have two options:

You can introduce yourself, or lash out wildly.

[tak]

Of course, it is better and safer just to lash out wildly, But if you choose to introduce yourself, you have two options:

Introduce as per normal or just fake your identity

[Larry]

Of course, honesty is the best policy, but if you choose to fake your identity you have two options:

Call yourself Tom Smith or Abdul Rakashika

[tak]

Of course, it is better to call myself Tom Smith, as it is not a very good idea to sound like a drunken Moslem. But if you choose to call yourself Abdul Rakashika, you have two options:

Threaten that you have planted a bomb in the garden, or scare him away by recite some verse in the Koran...

[Larry]

Of course, reciting the Koran is safer, but if you tell him there is a bomb in the garden, you have two options:

Either the guy runs away or he calls the police

[Tacolicious]

Of course it'd be better if he runs. But if he calls the police you have two options

Either get the police to fish up your keys so you can sleep off the booze, or start swinging at the police