Taijitu
Forum Meta => Archive => Archived Fun => Topic started by: Larry on May 20, 2007, 07:50:05 AM
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Okay, I don't think this has been done before on this forum.
Well, you all know how to play Rock, Paper, Scissors, right? This is similar, but you aren't restricted to those same three items. Basically, you can use whatever weapon you like to beat the person before you, as long as you explain why your item wins.
For example:
Poster 1: Paper covers rock
Poster 2: Fire burns paper
Poster 3: Water quenches fire
etc
So, I'll start off with an old favourite for the next poster to beat: cookies!
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The Cookie Monster eats cookies...
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Soly beats up the Cookie Monster for stealing his cookies.
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A shotgun shoots Soly.
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A sniper rifle takes out the shot gunner before they ever get into range
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A piece of chewing gum jams up the sniper rifle.
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A little bit of fire will teach that chewing gum who's who
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Fire is easily dispelled by sand, and lots of it!
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A tsunami will wash off all the sand.
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And land will turn the mighty tsunami into a wimpy little ripple
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Humans have no problem polluting the land.
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Women.
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Being an insensitive, abusive jerk with no concerns beyond their own skin should clear those ladies away
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No insensitive jerk could cope with the responsibility that comes from owning a puppy.
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puppies are no match for industrial wood chippers.
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An industrial wood chipper is easily deposed of with an industrial wood chipper chipper.
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A bolt of lightning will turn the chipper chipper into a smoking ruin
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Organised religion does miracles to reduce the might of the lightning bolt.
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Organised religion crumbles before carefully structured arguments and logic.
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Actually, it doesn't, haven't you noticed?
Carefully structured arguments and logic fail against women.
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Wow, women beat everything.
That is, everything except the steely blade of a sword.
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Smiths. Pun intended.
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Excessive taxes will drive any smiths out of the smithy
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Protesting peasants can force taxes to be lowered.
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Not really, no.
Light cavalry archers vs. peasants - game, set, match.
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Heavy cavalry archers.
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A hydrogen bomb takes care of the archers nicely, heavy cavalry though they may be.
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But then the sun went nova, engulfing your bomb and making it look like a fart in comparison.
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Luckily, highly advanced space travel technology allows the native species of Earth to enact a mass exodus to a nearby star system.
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A dimensional anchor prevents space travel.
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black hole warps anchor
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Stephen Hawking defeats black holes with the power of his mighty intellect.
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Stephen Hawking is nothing when he gets a flat tire.
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Flat tires can never defeat the momentum of hover-cars.
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Of course, there's nothing a Sunday driver can't fail to crash, including hovercars.
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The Police.
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The government cuts the police's funding.
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A rebellion overthrows the government.
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A lack of supplies defeats the rebels.
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A delivery truck ends the supply shortage in it's tracks ;D
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A flat tyre anchored the delivery truck
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Proper spelling beats the last post to a pulp
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huh?
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Accurate statements beat vague and ambiguous queries.
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A vacuum stifles accurate statements.
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A good, solid oxygen tank will negate the vacuum.
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An ice pick could puncture the oxygen tank, rendering it quite useless.
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The fires of Hell melt the ice pick.
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Severe air conditioning cools the atmosphere of Hell and the fires die down.
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A blackout shuts down the air conditioner
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The KKK steps in and fixes the problem.
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Umm......
Socialists protest against the KKK and their oppression of others. They pass a law destroy the Klan.
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Selfishness destroys socialism.
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hippies destroy selfishness
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Hippies are driven away by a blast from a hose.
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A 5-year-old girl turns the nozzle of the hose, halting the flow of hate.
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A priest screwed the 5-yo
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Liver failure kills the dirty priest; too much communion wine.
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the ethanol in the wine is oxidised to ethanoic acid by oxygen using enzymes from bacteria - turning the wine sour (this also works with beer)
who'd have thought i could revise for my chemistry exam and post here at the same time? :whip:
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all bacteria tremble before the mighty peniciline!
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But a super-virus just laughs at penicillin before bitch slapping it
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A good vaccination makes the virus go bye-bye.
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Genetic adaptation renders the vaccination worthless
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genetic adaption causes the removal of seemingly useless genes tht were needed for survival if there was a change in environment - this change occurs and the virus is wiped out
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Genetic manipulation reverses the change.
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magic screws up genetic manipulation
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Cold iron nullifies magic.
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A fiery furnace melts cold iron.
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too much pressure implodes the furnace
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The vacuum of space dissipates pressure.
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a dyson pwns the puny vacuum
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Unfortunately, nothing Dyson can be built because of the allocation of this century's budget to developing sneakers with flashing lights in the heels.
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but a small child wears out the sneakers before they take up too much of the budget.
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The aforementioned priest wears out the child before they break the sneakers.
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God gets pissed and wipes out the church
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The babel fish proves the non-existence of God.
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Ear wax chokes the babel fish
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A good ear cleaning gets rid of the ear wax.
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Ear plugs prevent ear cleaning.
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buttplug beats earplug by sheer size difference
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sh!t happens to the buttplug
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Parents of little children don't lick obscene language and change the phrase to "stuff happens".
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Parents of little children are embarrassed by awkward questions.
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Intelligence defeats awkward questions.
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Television dulls intelligence.
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lack of good shows kills TV
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ABC disolves the lack of good shows.
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XYZ balances out ABC
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numbers kane the alphabet
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Math confuses all numbers.
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AP Calculus students across the globe unite to defeat math.
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An earthquake kills all the students
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Seismologists pacify the earthquake with funny machines and miscellany.
:fight:
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Kool and the Gang fight in an epic battle against seismologists, and come out the champions.
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Kool and the Gang are wiped out in cross fire between crips and bloods
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Big Brother cracks down security and kills all the crips and bloods.
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lack of controversy/ viewers kills off Big Brother
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Apathy causes the non-viewers to become so lazy and complacent they starve to death in their own homes.
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meals on wheels caters for the lazy
(actually for the old who need their meals making for thm bt thts nt the point)
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City Hunter beats Meals on Wheels.
(Both Jackie Chan movies, for those unenlightened.)
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Bruce Lee turkey slaps Jackie Chan
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Van Damme kicks Bruce Lee's ass. Not really, but for the sake of argument.
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Godzilla pwns Van Damme.
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CoDzilla pwns Godzilla.
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Hogzilla pwns CoDzilla.
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A Planar Shepherd pwns Hogzilla.
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a bottle of tequilla will floor anyone, even if they are a Planar Shepherd
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The bottle of tequila is smashed off of the bar
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a pile of C4 will deal with the bar
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B4, C3, C5 and D4 all surround C4 and pummel it 'til it bleeds.
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D12 will out rap D4, C3, etc any day.
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Monopoly is more fun than Battleship.
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The stock exchange uses real money.
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10% margin kills the stock market.
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You can do more with calculus than percentages.
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A lack of responsible usage defeats calculus.
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A black hole compresses responsible usage to a singularity
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visibility pwns the black hole
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smog reduces visibility
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clean air destroys smog
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Factories muck up the clear air.
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An inferno destroyed all the factories
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A flash flood puts out the inferno.
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an ice age stops the flood
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Global warming melts the ice.
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A cold-hearted old widow freezes global warming.
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Fabio heats up the widow.
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Nintendo eats Ironsword cassette effectively killing Fabio.
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People filing lawsuits against Nintendo because they can't use the Wii properly cause the company to go bankrupt.
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..and all the collectors go nuts and buy Nintendos like hell before they go up in value. Nintendo wins again!
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Xbox 360 has better graphics than the Nintendo.
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Xbox 260 loses. Why? I have one word for you: Microsoft.
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To True.
Everything Beats Microsoft.
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So I now have to win everything? That is getting kind of tricky, but I'll say Doctor Phil, he just explains how all the negative sides of the life are caused by an evil father figure of sorts.
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Hmmmmm....
Tony Blair beats Dr. Phil. There is no one on the planet that could fix that man.
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Maybe no man, but Thatcher shows Blair how to run a country!
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The British got rid of Thatcher.
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So very true, but common sense owns the British.
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This is like a session of truth.
Impulse annihilates common sense all the time.
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Impulse is stopped when the nerves are fried!
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All nerve frying is ceased by the gaze of William Shatner.
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Shatner's wig turns against him and murders Shatner in his sleep
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The Wig is defeated by a strong gust of wind.
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0 K stops the wind.
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0 K is beaten up by a thug.
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The police arrest the thug.
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British Football Fans beat the ***** out of the Police.
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British football fans beat each other up.
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Tear gas beats British Football Fans.
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wind defeats the gas
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A 1000 ft wall defeats the wind.
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A demolition crew smashes up the wall.
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The Rubble crushes the Demolition crew.
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Over thousands of years, the rubble gradually erodes to nothing.
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Thousands of years is less than the age of the universe.
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the universe is less than the all
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All is no match for Al'.
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Al' is beaten by Little Nicky
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A mentally deficient toddler realizes Little Nicky was a terrible movie, and thus defeats it.
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The toddler grows up and thus life defeats the toddler.
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Giving in to oppression renders life meaningless, and thus complacency defeats life.
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Disapline defeats complacency.
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Obsessive Compulsive Disorder defeats discipline; you can't stop cleaning the floors.
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A shrink defeats OCD.
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If you're broke you can't afford a shrink: PWN'D (proverbially speaking).
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If you're bill gates you help the poor
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Bill Gates is defeated by taxes.
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Channel Islands help tax evation
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Tsunami's surge over islands, wiping them clean of tax evaders.
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Continents beat Taunamis.
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Tectonic plates shift, ruining continents.
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Aliens blow up the planet, thereby rendering tectonic plates useless..
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Local diseases destroy the alien race.
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disinfectant distroys the diseases.
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A contaminated container renders the disinfectant tainted.
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A furnace melts the container
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Wow, deja vu.
A lack of fossil fuels renders the furnace useless.
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Renewable Energy renders the fossil fuels unnessary.
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Nuclear power is cheaper than renewable energy.
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Sleeping is safer than Nuclear Power
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Insomnia prevents sleep.
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sleeping pills cure insomia
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a cock up in the production plant screws up the pills
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Actual competence cures the cock up.
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A mean boss fires those with competence.
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a car accident kills the boss
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A sudden lack of insurance makes people not want to have crash-up derbies anymore.
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A boost in the economy makes it possible for people to pay doctors without insurance.
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The crash of the Credit Anstalt kills the economy.
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Time travel undoes the crash
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Random time bubbles end your time traveling mayhem and trap you in the 250 Million BC. Say hi to Yuri for us.
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The illusion of time separated by distance makes it easy to will myself back into the present and renders time bubbles meaningless
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The rendering of time bubbles meaningless is caused by a rift in the space-time continuum.
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Throwing out the "Star Trek's Guide to Temporal Mechanics" book and reading "Actual Science" destroys the Space-Time Continuum
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an asteroid from the space time continuum destroys the real science book
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A small triangle blows up the asteroid into 2 smaller asteroids, which are shot and split again, shot again and then vanish
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Galactus eats the triangle.
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The Silver Surfer bitch slaps Galactus
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The silver surfer bitch (whoever that is) gets crushed by Ms. Fantastic's telekinesis
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Comic book nerdishness is beaten by the desire to get laid by something other then the left or the right
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the desire to get laid subsides when you see your grandmother naked. Ewww...
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Your grandmother naked quickly passes your line of vision when a fan blows her away.
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The 16th minute ends fame and the fans disperse
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A megaphone attached to a hypnotist's mouth draws the fans back in
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spit clogs the megaphone
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A really loud voice dissipates the spit
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A sore throat silences the voice
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Medicine heals the throat
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Pharmacy bills make the medicine unavailable
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Eye beams burn the pharmacy bills
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Red sunglasses block the eye beams
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Jean Grey destroys the red sunglasses
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The uncool factor of the current X-men franchise defeats Jean Grey.
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The fact that they are cool defeats the thought that they are uncool.
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HEY ALGER COME TO TAIJITU TAVERN.,.. SORR YFOR INERRPTING GAME!!
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Stop meddling, Vive
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The blazing inferno of my hate makes them completely uncool
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Cool water puts out the blazing, hateful inferno.
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Thirst drinks the cool water
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Over drinking water fills the drinkers lungs with said water, causing them to drown.
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Gills make drowning impossible.
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Gills require water around them, and a land animal lives on...land, thus there is no water around him. (Land is the key word)
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Global warming puts water where land normally is.
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Al Gore uses his weirdness to defeat global warming.
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His refusal to run for president makes the normally very intelligent and very likeable (and one I would vote for) irrelevant
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A government decree declaring all likeable and intelligent politicians to enter the primaries renders his decision illegal.
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A revolution makes the decree worthless.
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A loyal and powerful army stamps out the revolution.
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Russian winters eat loyal, powerful armies alive.
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nuclear winter beats russian winter
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The dawning of a bright new civilization leaves nuclear winter in the dust.
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A space faring monster destroys the new civilization.
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new climate destroys the monster
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Terraforming, and Nanites stop climate change in it's tracks.
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The sun going super nova ends terraforming and nanites
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white dwarf owns super nova
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Grape juice dyes the white dwarf purple
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A small dog licks up the grape juice.
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Small dogs vs. my boots. Enough said.
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your boots my steel toe caps. Enough said.
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Mmhm, electricity.
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resistance
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Borg.
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Species 8472
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Voyager makes nanites that wipe out 8472
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Show cancellation
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He's got you there.
Show fanatics by the show on DVD.
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Inflation
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DVD Piracy makes it obtainable for nearly no cost
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DVD piracy is stamped out by a wave of DVD ninjas.
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DVD ninjas are wiped out by a blu-ray laser
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blu ray wiped out by every one stupidly prefering HD
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Chuck Norris
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Bruce Lee
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since when was there an answer to chuck norris?
age
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Chuck Norris again
He cannot be beaten...
Bruce Lee
He's dead
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Chuck Norris destroys Chuck Norris in a bright flash of energy
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Chuck Norris kicks the crap out of Chuck Norrris
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chuck norris gets killed by a Pirate
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The pirate is no match for poisoned rum
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Chuck Norris drinks the rum and survives (of course)
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Chuck Norris is made never to exist when I travel back in time and shoot his infant grandfather.
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the evil ghost of chuck norris grandfather comes back and he kills Tacolicious through a bunch of nightmares
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Chuck Norris kills his grandfather...
He got lousy x-mas presents
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Evil Dreams do not disturb the Taco! The Taco feeds on the energy of the dreams and turns them into dreams of dancing penguins, friendly robots and fluffy pillows!
returns kill the bad presents
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(jeez, I'm doing a lot of creative thinking today! yey!)
The bad presnts turn out to be nukes, and they blow up, killing everybody in Taijitu
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A fallout shelter saves me and Allama :D
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Dude, you know shes getting married?
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(I survive as well)
A bomb hidden in the fallout shelter kills Tac and Allama...
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Dude, you know shes getting married?
If it's just us in the fallout shelter then her husband is nuclear dust and therefore not an issue :drunks:
(I survive as well)
A bomb hidden in the fallout shelter kills Tac and Allama...
Cutting the green wire diffuses the bomb
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there is no green wire
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not since I cut it... no. That's why the bomb didn't go off, bombs need the green wire or it's a dud.
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Allama kills Tacky then
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not since I cut it... no. That's why the bomb didn't go off, bombs need the green wire or it's a dud.
really? i never knew that
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Taco uses this Tacky character as a human shield and uses his Taco ray to send out good vibes of peace and happiness
not since I cut it... no. That's why the bomb didn't go off, bombs need the green wire or it's a dud.
really? i never knew that
Scientifically proven fact
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Allama kills Taco anyway
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*puts on master chief Armour*
*pulls out dual SMGS*
Party time......
(http://uk.gizmodo.com/halo-2.jpeg)
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Video card errors crash Halo 2
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Bad luck.. The Deathstar blows the planet up (& the video card)...
(the rest of us escape (except Taco))
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Flys away from the deathstar as it blows up from the Battle of Yavin
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A loose bolt causes the ship to explode
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ejects in time, landing on a planet where im the only man and they all think im sexy... (Oh yeah)
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Erectile dysfunction makes being the only guy on a lady planet pointless.
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takes some opills and it goes away, and he goes and has fun...he he
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placebos makes the pills worthless
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kills taco and then destroys placebos
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Reincarnation makes a more powerful version of Taco (please review the rules for the threads game since you seem to be "off the mark" in your posts)
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mexican beats the reincarnation of the taco because it is thier natural food
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Mechanised industry eliminates the need for Mexicans.
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Arnold Schwarzenegger destroys the machinery
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Angry voters defeat Arnold Schwarzenegger
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The establishment of a monarchy gets rid of angry voters.
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Inbreeding screws up monarchy.
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Rednecks master sustainable inbreeding
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A gun kills the rednecks....
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a backfire ruins the gun
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Back hair smothers the fire.
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A razor shaves the back hair
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supermans back hair defeats the razor
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Anything else is cooler than Superman's back hair.
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Thermal transfer makes something cooler less cool
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cold fusion defeats thermal transfer
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Entropy doesn't give a damn about cold fusion.
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physics doesnt care about entropy
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Eh, what?
Religion doesn't care about physics.
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science doesnt care about religion
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Robot servants make learning science pointless
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robocop kills robots
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OCP recycles Robocop
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Loggers come and chop down OCP
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Hippies stop the loggers by tying themselves to trees.
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The loggers just bring in the union and forces the hippes to move
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Loggers come and chop down OCP
OCP is Omni-Consumer Products... the company that made Robocop from the fallen body of Officer Murphey... Anywho...
Management makes the union too cozy in bed to do anything
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the po-po come in and arrest the management for working with the mafia
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Internal Affairs shuts down the police
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A Star Destroyer bombards Internal Affairs from space.
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A storm trooper falls off the 900 meter high, non-saftey railed platform clogging the star destroyers exhaust causing it to explode
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A door frame smashes the stormtrooper in the head.
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a hobo comes in and takes the door frame away, selling it to the out of work po-po
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CHUCK NORRIS
(the answer to everything)
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Chuck Norris is killed by yo momma
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yo papa rapes yo mama
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yo papa is sent to jail and made a social outcast for his unhealthy obsession with rape
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jail is no longer needed becasue of Robocop
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Batman PWNS Robocop.
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and Godzilla PWNS Batman!
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godzille is PWNED by a lvl 43 human rouge from WoW
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WoW is pwned by UO circa 1999
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UO is disconnted and is never heard from agian and WoW agian lives on as the champion
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WoW is defeated by the fact that it is just another EQ knock-off with better graphics and more items to give the illusion of a diverse grind. It's just the same mechanics for 70 tedious levels followed by an eternity of the same mechanics in which the shift goes from getting more stats from leveling and gear to getting more stats from gear alone for the sole purpose of more grinding.
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Angry rants can be cut short with a single bullet.
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WoW is defeated by the fact that it is just another EQ knock-off with better graphics and more items to give the illusion of a diverse grind. It's just the same mechanics for 70 tedious levels followed by an eternity of the same mechanics in which the shift goes from getting more stats from leveling and gear to getting more stats from gear alone for the sole purpose of more grinding.
you hate Wow a lot dont you/
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WoW is defeated by the fact that it is just another EQ knock-off with better graphics and more items to give the illusion of a diverse grind. It's just the same mechanics for 70 tedious levels followed by an eternity of the same mechanics in which the shift goes from getting more stats from leveling and gear to getting more stats from gear alone for the sole purpose of more grinding.
you hate Wow a lot dont you/
It's not that I hate WoW persay, I played in beta and for about 8 months before BC and 2 months after. What I hat is this trend of poorly planned, unoriginal games designed to be cash cows with minimum investment. As a result the whole industry is stagnating. UO was a great game because it offered so much more then the grind, a character was anonymous, at times hard to class (which made pvp far more interesting), and provided far more then "the grind". It could be argued that a character in UO was never done, simply in the state the player wanted there character to be or on the path to being where the character wanted. A new character could go anywhere a 7x GM character could and find it more difficult but hardly impossible. It allowed for more "evil" options such as valid reasons to pk, house looting, scamming and whatnot. Once you scammed someone in UO you could slip away and unless the person could find you again (instead of just /whisper you with repeated whining about wanting money back) there was nothing they could do, even once they met up with you the option were fight, or whine and risk my wrath/mockery. Additionally I could spend hours just working on decorating my house (or later on designing my house as well) or working on my characters look. UO forced players to take risks with equipment, but even the best items could be lost without being character destroying.
A single bullet is stopped by a bullet proof vest
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the buellt proff vest is rendered unless against a bullet in the head
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A bullet proof helmet with full bullet proof body armor stops a single bullet... and looks damn stylish
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a horde made up of billons charges at the person with the full bullet proof body armor
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A well placed canyon between the person and the horde makes for a gruesome scene on the canyon floor
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cant beat that
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An avalanche fills the canyon... with potatoes
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Irish peolpe come and eat all the potatoes
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Poisoned potatoes kill the Irish
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poisoned potatoes are wiped out because of mednice
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Medicine has no effect on a new deadly virus...
Bara, have you been eating smart pills?
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Napalm cooks ever the most super of super viruses
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Medicine has no effect on a new deadly virus...
Bara, have you been eating smart pills?
Why do you say that?
Naplam is useless agianst the Sea!
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The sea cowers in fear of the many ghost pirates that rule it
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ghost pirates are killed by Captain Jack Sparrow
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Captain Jack Sparrow gets beaten up by a sparrow named Jack
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the spaorrow named jack is killed by A shotgun
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The shotgun is clogged with mud
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mud is taken away with a paper towel
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paper towels are saturated by blue liquid until they can hold no more while housewives watch in amazement
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the blue liquid is turned into steasm by fire
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Fire is put out by my all-purpose eye beams
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A simple fork in the eye stops anymore eye beams
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The functionality of a spork renders the fork obsolete.
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Behold the mighty rolling pin, which is used to thwack the spork-wielder over the head, then to smack him in the butt, making him fall onto his own spork.
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sticky dough traps the rolling pin for eternity
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stick dough is washed off with water
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Water is poured down the drain
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the drain is clogged with Tacos
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A plumber opens the trap under the sink, and out pops Taco!
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Tacos give the plumber food poisoning
Guess that's what they get for eating something they found in the drain...
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food poisoning beat by my immune system
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Your immune system is beaten by Nano-AIDS, given to you by Batman.
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Nano Aids are taken away by Big-aids
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Big-aids is cured by Live Aid.
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Live aid is cut from funding
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Economists are all chased off a cliff by a horde of angry rock fans.
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Angry rock fans are mellowed out by the smoke wafting from the Grateful Dead show
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The Grateful Dead lose popularity because of a negative review in Rolling Stone.
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Critics can be bribed with big sacks of cash.
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Big sacks of cash are emptied by taxation
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The rich get around taxation by fraudulent tax returns.
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the rich is beetn by Socialsim
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Bush proclaims socialists have WMD and nukes them into oblivion.
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bush is taken out of power by the Democrats
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The Democrats are defeated by ultimately being nothing more then the other side of the coin which provides the illusion of choice
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The coin is the penny and the government doesn't make any more
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Coins are counterfeited by the mob
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The mob is taken down by the FBI
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The FBI is bribed by the mob so all that gets taken down is a scapegoat
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The Mod is taken down by Familes in the mob
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A update makes the mod incompatable
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I hate typos
the udate is lost with an expasion pack
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A fickle internet crowd makes udate an obsolete site
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SHUT UP TACO!!!!
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Really taco, i hate you (And im speaking for ^)
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Makes sense, you are the same person afterall
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A hacker makes the ultimate uber-virus and blasts the internet out of existence.
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An agent kills the hacker.
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Neo belly rush explodes the agent
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(speaking of Neo, i just got the matrix, going to watch it soon)
Neo is killed by Smith's destruction
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A computer virus infects the Smith program.
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a computer virus is killed by Norton
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Norton is bitch slapped by Kaspersky
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Kapersky gets destroyed by an idiot who uninstalls it.
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Idiots are destroyed by shiny item baited traps
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Traps are corroded by rust.
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Rust is scrubbed off with steel wool
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The steel sheep go on strike.
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Steel sheep are attacked by worgs
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Worgs are attacked by Borg.
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The borg get owned by Janeway
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Janeway is burned to death by a Molotov Cocktal
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Molotov Cocktails are stopped by the care bears
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OOC: i made a spoof of I'm a gangster. its called im a care bear. going to make a vid of it on youtube soon.
IC: Carebears are cut down by millons of ak-47s.
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Millions of AK-47's are eaten by the blob
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the blob is eaten by fat kids becasue he is made of jello
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Fat kids explode after MacDonald's feeds them too much!
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McDonald's is killed in a great war with taco bell
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Taco Bell is crushed by the Liberty Bell.
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the leibery bell is destroyed by a bomb
-
A bomb is defused with a pair of nose-hair scissors.
-
nose hair clippers are cut in half by a chain saw
-
A chain saw is defeated when all the petrol runs out.
-
perotl is counterd when we use salt for enrgey
-
Salt is dissolved by the rain.
-
The rain has been rendered impure by toxins in the atmosphere, and can no longer be called "rain" as much as "falling pollution".
-
Toxins in the atmosphere are irrelevant when everyone is wearing gas masks.
-
gas masks become oblste when the new facotr is that it kills you when the falling pollution touches you.s
-
Human evolve into pure energy and the pollution falls right through them
-
we burn out selves up becasue we have some much pure enrgey.
-
Taking a chill pill stops the burning problem
-
the chill pill is to chilled and we becime to cold and die.s
-
Death is overcome by the Glory of Zombie Jesus.
-
Damn! Nothing beats Zombie Jesus.
Except perhaps...Zombie Satan!
-
Zombie Satan becomes lax in discipline when it all gets too easy for him, so his jilted lover kills him.
-
The jilted lover is bested by...Optimus Prime!
-
Optimus Prime shuts down when rust takes over his joints.
-
Rusty joints are re-rolled by Bob Marley, who smokes two joint before he smokes two joints, and then he smokes two more.
-
Bob Marley succumbs to lung cancer after smoking too much.
-
Lung Cancer is cured by... psst... what cures cancer... *someone whispers in Taco's ear* CANDY!
-
everybody in Taijitu eats the candy
-
Everyone in Taijitu then gets very fat and can no longer move.
-
Those little scooters fat people use restore mobility to the masses (pun intended ;D)
-
The brakes fail on the little scooters.
-
Doesn't that mean they just get there quicker?
A mechanic fixes the brakes
-
LMAO!!
Mechanics are outmoded by androids.
-
andriods are deafted like in the matrix
-
Data teaches the androids how to evolve and discover their souls
-
data commits suicide after watching teletubbies for 2 minutes straight.
-
Teletubbies are pummeled to death by a horde of berserking parents who were driven crazy by the excruciating cuteness of it all.
-
the horde is cut down with a Heacy MG
-
A Heacy MG is defeated by Divine Fury
-
Divine Fury abates when confronted with Divine Love.
-
divne love is kileld by divine hate
OOC: ???
-
Divine Hate is dispelled by Divine Apathy.
-
Divine Apathy encourages Atheism
-
The Lord smites the foolish atheists.
-
Zeus' Pantheon gank The Lord
-
the lord is curfied
-
But what beats Zeus' Pantheon, they already ganked The Lord!
-
The Ancient Egyptian gods outclass Zeus and co.
-
The Ancient Egyptian Gods lose power when misrepresented in movies
-
Inaccurate movies are hounded by internet critics.
-
Internet critics die when exposed to sunlight for the first time since 1993
-
Sunlight is unable to filter through the cloudy atmosphere of an alien planet to reach the surface.
-
Alien planets are pulled into the alien sun
-
The alien sun is eaten by a big-ass alien.
-
The big ass alien gets deported for not having the proper papers
-
the world becomes 1 nation, so you cant become deporteds
-
A unified world still falls to the league of supervillains
-
All the supervillains are defeated by SUPERCHICKEN!!!
-
superchicken was eaten by yours truly!
-
PUR forgets to be hungry when Allama walks into the room. ^_-
-
Al' (sorry bout this) is cut down by Ak-47's
-
(No worries, mate, it's all in the game. I wouldn't have posted 'Allama' unless I didn't take myself to seriously to be defeated in some silly way. ;))
AK-47's jam up and overheat.
-
we counter that with the...wait for it..... EXTRA BARREL!!!!!!
-
The extra barrel is full of raspberry jam for some reason
-
Raspberry jam is ickified by wasps.
-
A cold snap kills off the wasp population.
-
a cold snap is coutnrd by a warm snap
-
a warm snap is duct-taped back together
-
Who are we kidding here? Only Zombie Jesus could defeat duct tape! Either that or my all purpose eye beams.
-
good thing zombie jesus is on vacation and took the eyebeams with him.
-
Vacations are ruined by tourists
-
tourists get drunk and lose their wallets.
-
Stray wallets are forced to stay with their owner when a wallet chain is attached
-
pickpockets learn to use bolt cutters.
-
Pick pockets pick the wrong pocket and discover... BEAR TRAPS!
-
its a good thing they were actualy super bears unharmed by normal bear traps.
-
Super bears are no match for super gorillas.
-
Super Gorillas get lost in the ultra mist
-
the ultra mist is taken care of through radar.
-
Radar is deactivated by an EMP.
-
EMP devices are dismounted by mutant chipmunks.
-
Mutant chipmunks are defeated by s****y movies.
See the Alvin and the Chipmunks poster (coming out in 2007)
The movie will contain full footage of Jason Lee committing career suicide.
(http://www.editoon.com/pix/sandbox/alvin.jpg)
-
all s****y movies are burned in the heat of the love of myself and allama!
-
Your love is interrupted because that idiot won't stop playing "What is Love" behind you (and your lovin')
-
That idiot is knocked out by a brick.
-
The brick is vaporized by the Hammer of Dawn.
-
the Hammer of Dawn is outdated compared to a tank.
-
the tank is torn apart by chuck norris.
-
chuck Norris is killed by a truck running over him.
-
ahh but that was just a stand in, chuck norris was granted immortality by Pha...
-
You obviously don't know what the Hammer of Dawn is.
It's Gears of War's ultimate weapon...a laser from space.
It also does this...
(http://img.gamespot.com/gamespot/images/2006/310/reviews/928234_20061107_gg_embed008.jpg)
-
it gets broken by the will of Pha...
-
The will of Pha is broken by Will Power's car.
-
Will Power's car is totaled by his arch-nemesis Won't Power
-
Won't Power is dominated by his father, Total Power.
-
total power is defeated by rebels
-
Rebels are defeated by the Empire's third death star
-
rebels are crushed under the boots of the mighty storm troopers
-
The storm troopers on the Third death star I assume... although Yoda still pwns them
-
and old age defeats yoda.
-
Old age is made meaningless by the immortal highlander
-
the immortal highlander is pinned under a mountain.
-
The highlander escapes when the mountain goes to Mohamed
-
Does Trey really want to make fun of Mohammed? Yes he does!
Mohammed is defeated when he cracks a joke about himself and is stoned by radicals for insulting Mohammed.
-
Stoned Radicals get busted by narcs
-
Narcs get arrested by the feds for arresting radicals who are stoning (not stoned radicals)
-
The feds get trout slapped for not having a sense of humor :trout:
-
A sense of humor disappears after watching the Alvin and the Chipmunks movie in a few months.
-
The A&tC's movie is destroyed after the test audience commits mass suicide
-
it is soon said that they all died from mass murder from the movies creepiness
-
Mass murder becomes impossible when human beings evolve beyond their physical forms.
-
the phyiscal forms turn out to be pee
-
Pee is flushed down the toilet
-
the toeilt is clogged
-
Drano unclogs clogs
-
drano becomes diet coke
-
the diet coke becomes coke zero.
-
Coke zero is given a 0 rating by consumers and languishes beside crystal pepsi
-
The zero rating gets ignored because other consumers don't read about it and Pep$i pushes it under the rug.
-
the rug is actualy a glass floor which makes it quite obvious.
-
Tinted glass, PUR, tinted.
-
tinted light pink.
-
The glass is only tinted pink because of the convenient bloodstain that covers the zero rating.
-
Cillit Bang is capable of removing several different types of stain, including blood.
-
Cillit Bang is destroyed in a puff of logic because the blood is impervious to English cleaning fluid.
-
Logic? Pah! No amount of logic can make sense of organised religion.
-
Organized religion is destroyed when Communists take over.
-
(Damn! What beats Communism? Erm...)
Zombie Jesus!
-
And what beats Zombie Jesus...Zombie Judas.
-
hmm i of course can control Zombie Judas with my Voodoo.
-
I abuse your voodoo with my juju.
-
your juju is overidden by the taijitu supreme court
-
The Supreme Court is accused of corruption and forced to resign.
-
they become vengeful and destroy those who accused them.
-
John McClane regains his vengeance.
-
John McClane takes a bullet to the face.
-
It's a water bullet.
-
frozen water that is!
-
Yes, but it was shot at him by a pop gun.
-
you are proven wrong by Erris
-
The goddess of chaos is seduced by Adonis. (That Eris, right?)
-
(Yea)
but adonis realy is a homosexual.
-
He's bisexual, we just didn't know.
-
There is only one God.
-
An axe makes one god, two
-
the ax is really made of nerf.
-
Nerf shot at him by a cannon at point blank range.
-
The force of the rebound causes the cannon to roll backwards into the sea.
-
The nerf shot still hits him, even if the cannon rolls away.
-
Fine, but it just bounces off him anyway. Nerf sucks.
-
But hidden inside the nerf is a grenade.
-
The grenade is held inside a forcefield.
-
A forcefield of paper mache.
-
the paper mache is renforiced with bricks.
-
Bricks are smashed by a ball and paddle
-
the ball and paddle are cut in 2 with a chainsaw
-
Chainsaws are no match for math nerds
-
math nerds?
the GLA murders all the nerds.
-
Which GLA? There's like ten of them.
Ambiguity kills the GLA.
-
Ambiguity is typo'd to death by Bara
-
Bara is whipped by a stern nun.
-
The stern nun is attacked by penguins
-
Penguins get killed by poachers.
-
poachers are buried alive in panchos
-
Panchos are destroyed by steamrollers.
-
Steamrollers roll off a cliff
-
a 2 foot cliff
-
landmines at the bottom of the 2 foot cliff destroy the steamroller anyways
-
Deactivated landmines
-
Landmine-deactivaters get eaten by a super-sized-McDonalds-slushie-UFO-thing!
-
OH MY GOD!
-
Landmine-deactivaters get eaten by a super-sized-McDonalds-slushie-UFO-thing!
???
Oh...it's the new guy.
-
The super-sized-McDonalds-slushie-UFO-thing gets blasted out of space by the fearsome Relgions.
-
Landmine-deactivaters get eaten by a super-sized-McDonalds-slushie-UFO-thing!
???
Oh...it's the new guy.
I resent that. My humor is... well, right now it's outright lame.
The fearsome Religions get overrun by heretic-rice farmers.
-
((Actually, I thought it was pretty good ;) ))
-
heretic-rice farmers get attacked by sharks
-
Sharks are made into docile slaves by use of Neenee's Mind Control Cookies (as per IRC).
-
Mind control cookies are countered by free will tarts
-
Free will tarts are manufactured by the Khablan Cookie Corp and actualy give mind control over to Mama Khab.
-
Lol! That was cool.
Uh... The Mind Control's secret ingredient "foot fungus" has run out, so the tarts and cookies are actually just that.
-
they work regardless due to irregularities in the common sense matrix.
-
the commno sense matrix isnt real so no kicks smiths butt.
-
Smith's mom hauls him off by the ear to clean his room. "Awwwwww mommmmm...."
-
Smith's mom is distracted by the pool boy
-
the pool boy is really a pool it.
-
pool its still want to have fun with smith's mom
-
smiths mom is a he-she.
-
different strokes for different folks means it ALL cool
-
???
-
What, can't its and she-males have their fun?
Broader horizons override Bara's confusion
-
border horizons becomes small horizons.
-
They're still horizons.
-
Horizons don't exist in the subterranean kingdom of the molepeople
-
but horizons does exist in the subterranian where the butterfly's fly
-
yes, the obvious
the butterflys are killed when Barak(me) sets up a MG and kills them all.
-
The MG is defective.
-
Barak gets a new one.
-
Bara dies.
-
Bara challenges death to a game of Warhammer 40k and wins, thus cheating death.
-
Oh yeah!
-
Warhammer 40k is put up against the wall in the next revolution and shot dead.
-
Warhammer 40k is a board game so it cant die.
-
It dies when it is becomes known as a bored game
-
its becomes a fun game after it becomes a video game.
-
A power outage stops play in it's tracks
-
jeez taco, i thought you liked fun... :'(
-
I do... the game is fun.... thus my ^ post is a part of the game. Thus fun!
Bara's comment is destroyed by Taco's logic ;D
-
taco doesn't have logic.
-
Bara's statement is disproved by overwhelming evidence to the contrary.
-
taco suddenly dies when somebody eats him.
-
Taco gives somebody indigestion
-
indigestion is taken away by the pink soupy thingy...
-
Pink soupy things are forever sealed behind a child proof cap
-
we break it open with a kinfe.
-
The knife is a plastic butter knife and snaps
-
plastic is now made into iron.
-
The iron was improperly tempered and still snaps
-
if something snaps, the "Man" comes in and sends you away.
-
The "Man" is taken down by peace loving long haired dirty dirty hippies and their peace loving long haired dirty dirty ways
-
The peace loving long haired dirty dirty hippies and their peace loving long haired dirty dirty ways are conquered when actual war happens and they get drafted.
-
The hippies run away to Canada.
-
Canada gets blamed in South Park.
-
South Park is banned by Canada's new prime minister, Saddam Hussein
-
Saddam Hussein gets hung and relegated to Youtube.
-
ROFL ^
-
Youtube is taken down by Super H@xx0rz
-
Super H@xx0rz are out-hacked by Ub3r-H@xx0rz
-
Ub3r-H@xx0rz is spanked by his mom for getting the family computer taken away by the police
-
the Po-po in no more when hippes come to power!
-
THE MAN keeps the hippies down.
-
THE MAN is beaten by THE FETT.
-
The Fett falls into a pitt and is eaten.
-
The pit is filled up with candy
-
Poisonous candy...
-
...meets the antidote
-
Which is actually just saline solution.
-
The fact that the antidote is just saline solution doesn't matter against the logic "What works, works."
-
Logic is ignored by religious zealots
-
Said zealots all die when they refuse to treat an easily curable disease
-
Said zealots all die when they refuse to treat an easily curable disease
*I'm assuming that has a RL connection.*
The easily curable disease is, in fact, cured.
-
The easily curable disease becomes...Shiva.
-
Shiva is trapped in a crystal doomed to be the summoned servant Final Fantasy characters
-
Final Fantasy becomes stupid because of the "Girly mans"
But so you know, i honestly have not played FF.
-
The so called "Girly Mans" cast Meteo on Bara
-
Meato?
Meato is beat by Smosh.
-
Smosh gets smushed
-
smushed into a more powerful form, even more powerful than voltron!
-
Voltron gets served in a break dancing contest
-
break dancers can't read.
-
Reading is invaded by Germans after a Battle for Britain that ended differently.
-
the Germans are beat by the russians
-
The Russians are beaten by Stalin.
-
Stalin is beaten by the person after him
-
The person after him gets shot by someone down the line
-
VIP members skip the line.
-
VeryIdioticPeople hit the door on their way past the line.
-
The door is demolished, along with the rest of the building.
-
The building's like the Taijitu Tavern; it rebuilds itself.
-
The Taijitu Tavern is blown up by Bara.
-
Bara gets sent to the Netherrealm.
-
The Netherrealm is invaded by the Netherlands.
-
The Netherlands can't invade due to $6 gas.
-
6 buck gas is now 2 cent gas!
-
the gas runs out
-
So they use these (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hydrogen_vehicle).
-
Ah, but hydrogen has a very low volumetric energy density at ambient conditions, equal to about one-third that of methane. Even when the fuel is stored as a liquid in a cryogenic tank or in a pressurized tank, the volumetric energy density (megajoules per liter) is small relative to that of gasoline. Because of the energy required to compress or liquefy the hydrogen gas, the supply chain for hydrogen has lower well-to-tank efficiency compared to gasoline.
-
Well...you suck!
-
Childish insults are ended by death.
-
Death is conquered by The Power of Love (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kOu8x1gqW3c&mode=related&search).
-
The Power of Love meets the power of the atom bomb.
-
The power of the atom bomb meets Peter Petrelli.
-
I have no idea who that is, but I assume he dies when you shoot him in the head.
-
Peter Petrelli (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Petrelli)...from Heroes.
Actually, no, that wouldn't kill him.
-
Well, doesn't he have any kind of weakness?
-
If he absorbs too many abilities too fast (or some unstable ones), he could cause a nuclear explosion. He might survive it, though. So, not really.
-
So, back on topic...Peter Petrelli absorbs too many abilities too fast and causes a nuclear explosion, and doesn't survive it.
-
Over-absorption of powers is controlled by moderation.
-
Greed overcomes the need to moderate.
-
FOX runs Greed into the ground.
-
FOX is attacked by an angry mob for cancelling Futurama.
-
Futurama is coming back.
-
Comedy Central buys up Futurama
-
Comedy Central burns down.
-
the shows are salvaged by experts.
-
The experts are eaten by zombies.
-
Zombies are beaten by Shaun.
-
Shaun eventually dies of old age.
-
Old age is conquered by the power of LOVE!!!!
-
The power of LOVE is captured by big pharmaceuticals. They call it viagra.
-
Viagra makes you go blind.
-
And the handicapped were killed by Hitler
-
hitler wound up dead in a ditch covered in petrol.
-
Conspiracy theorists are convinced Hitler lived.
-
Conspiracy theorists are silenced by the government.
-
The government is taken down by aliens.
-
Aliens are killed when they come into contact with water.
-
The water evaporates due to global warming.
-
Global warming is cancelled out by nuclear winter.
-
Nuclear winter is stopped by pacifists before it starts.
-
Everyone ignores pacifists.
-
Everyone loses the war with robots.
-
The robots are bombed from orbit.
-
Orbit ceases to exist when the sun explodes.
-
Everyone moves to that "super-Earth" planet they discovered recently.
-
Super-Earth is inhabited by zombies.
-
Zombies can be killed by aiming for the head.
-
You're assuming the vast majority of people can aim.
-
Can't they? I imagine it would be fairly easy.
The vast majority of people learn to aim at a military academy.
-
If people are being attacked by zombies, suddenly hitting the head becomes that much more difficult. Plus, a lot of them would shoot each other by accident.
Military academies are usurped by Police Academy (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Police_Academy_%28film%29).
-
The Royal Academy becomes more popular.
-
The Royal Academy is ransacked by a team of burglars.
-
The burglars are killed by more competent burglars.
-
More competent burglars are still foiled by the joint work of Inspector Clouseau and Inspector Gadget.
-
Inspecter Gadget malfunctions, and Inspecter Clouseau walks into a wall.
-
Malfunctions are fixed and the wall is a breakaway wall.
-
But Morpheus was right, there is no Gadget, there is no wall.
-
Morpheus didn't say that; that creepy kid did.
-
Creepy kids grow up to become mimes.
-
Mimes get punched in the face.
-
by Trey who punches like a bitch.
-
I was going to make a your mom joke (I thought it was Solnath).
Hulk Smash!
-
hulk gets into anger management.
-
Anger management is ruined by Adam Sandler.
-
adam sandler is washed up.
-
The washing machine breaks.
-
repairmen with hairy cracks fix it.
-
I kill the repairmen.
-
/me resurrects them and smites Trey while in the mood to do so.
-
Trey block PUR's smitage.
-
/me overpowers Trey as an older and sexier player along with a two billion strong nation with insane defense budget.
-
Trey has more posts than PUR.
-
PUR has posts with much better content and has been a member of the forum from the start, it is only trough inane spamming that Trey has such a high post count.
-
Hey, most of my posts have been intelligent!
-
/me.
-
Allama puts Soly in his place.
-
Allama forgets to buy catnip and Max breaks loose.
-
PUR subdues Allama and we censor the details.
-
the censor ship is broken by hippies...
-
hippies get distracted by all th pretty colors.
-
The hippies lose all their cash and cant afford anymore acid
-
cash is no longer needed when you all you need is paper to buy things.
-
Paper is no longer around when lumber companies harvest all the trees
-
With all the trees gone a lack of oxygen kills off the loggers
-
But phytoplankton produces 2/3 the worlds oxygen, so I kill the tree hugging liar that convinced you trees are necessary.
-
The government murders you for committing murder. Welcome to Texas.
-
Texas gets retaken from Mexico and you are spared execution.
-
you run around in circles cause you are free
-
Read the instructions, Vive...
-
Viva is killed while she is reading.
-
The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death.
-
death comes back to life, which is weird, because he is already dead.
-
Death collapses under the illogical argument Bara presented.
-
Bara smacks Trey for calling his argument illogical...
-
Bara is god and he demands sacrifice!
-
bara's sacrifices rebel and he gets overthrown...
-
Rebels get their planet blown up courtesy of the empire
-
a couple of teenagers destroy the deathstar only because the 501st were off somewhere else.
-
The 501st was set on fire by a dragon
-
The dragon is conquered by the knight.
-
The knight is no match for a giant magnet
-
Giant magnet is rendered inert by arc smelter.
-
The arc smelter is frozen by (http://media.teamxbox.com/wallpapers/subzero_1280x1024.jpg)...Sub-Zero!
-
Sub-Zero is taken down by Scorpian
-
Scorpion falls victim to
(http://www.adiumxtras.com/images/pictures/chuck_norris_random_fact_generator_6_3957_2224_image_2578.jpg)
-
Chuck Norris is taken down by the only person tough enough to take down Chuck Norris.... Chuck Norris!
(http://www.jeremyinc.com/images/chuck_norris_toilet_paper2.PNG)
-
And who thwarts Chuck Norris?
(http://www.obeysaget.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/06/saget1.gif)
Obey Bob Saget...
-
Bob Saget meets his doom in one of America's funniest home videos
-
AFMV forgets to bleep Bob Saget's cursing during his demise and is taken off the air by the FCC.
-
The FCC is out regualted by their northern cousin the CRTC
-
The CRTC collapses under the weight of its own "pricktude"
-
pricktude is beaten by Nod
-
nod is beaten by head shake
-
Head shake is ignominiously defeated by a neck brace.
-
The neck brace is priced beyond obtainable due to higher medical costs
-
National healthcare allows people to get free neck braces.
-
Evolution removes necks making neck braces useless
-
But humans find the lack of pronounced chins hideous, so birth rate decline and the human race dies out.
-
The human race has become extinct, but a species of sentient beetles arises to take our place. Note the parallel evolution: the beetles have no necks or pronounced chins.
-
The beetles eventually clone human beings from DNA found in old skeletons, and are 'squashed' by their own hubris when the humans take over. ;)
-
The new humans still find the lack of neck disturbing and commit mass suicide
-
Luckily, a race of humans, still possessing a neck, was hidden away in the Tibetan mountains and spread forth, being fruitful.
-
The fruit rots
-
The Human Version 4.0s hit up the seed vault in Iceland and grow new fruit.
-
Ice land lives up to its name and freezes the fruit
-
Frozen fruit, considered a delicacy in Iceland, becomes popular worldwide and soon seeds are sprouting everywhere.
-
Birds eat the seeds
-
Hunters shoot the birds.
-
Waskily Wabbits trick the hunter
-
The tricked hunter calls in the clever egghead to build a sneaky device to capture the Waskily Wabbits.
-
The ACME device is tricked by the wabbit cross dressing
-
The other waskily wabbit betrays the cross-dressing wabbit to its doom.
-
but DOOM was just the name for a new strip club where the cross dressing rabbit had much fun.
-
Strip clubs are closed by McCarthy 2.0
-
McCarthy 2.0 is replaced by Manna 3.0 which brings back strip clubs as one of the few jobs not directed with headsets.
-
Manna 3.0 is defeated by religious intolerance and fear.
-
religion is destroyed by reasoned thinking
-
aka logic
-
Vulcans make logic their bitch
-
trekkies convert to normal society - vulcans end
-
Trekkies die out because they never have sex
-
everybody reproduces by crapping
-
That concept is stopped by the sheer grossness of it.
-
new concepts are realized and grossness is a thing of the past.
-
New concepts spread like the plague-memes they are, until an inoculation is developed.
-
A fear of needles stops anyone from being inoculated
-
fear is overcome by the logic taught by Soly.
-
The stubbornness of humanity eventually causes Soly to give up and return to his home planet.
-
The mules become jealous of human stubbornness and kick them into yielding
-
The mules are sent with Solnath to his home planet.