Taijitu
Forum Meta => Archive => Archived Fun => Topic started by: Flemingovia on January 05, 2007, 08:06:04 AM
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Because they are my favourite.
Q. How many aerospace engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. It's not rocket science, you know!
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How many nationstaters does it take to change a lightbulb?
Twenty Three.
One to complain to the forum admins that the lightbulb is broken, and he cannot see the forum
Nine to post "me too"
One to ask whether this is due to a North Pacific plot
One to post how the lightbulbs are much better in cybernations
One to grumble that if the forum had been more active the light bulb would not have failed in the first place
One to post that he cannot stand the bickering any more and he is leaving NS
Seven to post "oh no" smilies in response to this.
One to post that he is from the region of "Green wobbly jelly bits" and their military is ready to offer any assistance needed.
One to actually change the light bulb.
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Q: How mant mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. But how did they get in there?
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Only Babylon 5 fans will get these:
q. How many minbari does it take to change a light bulb?
a. Only one, except that they will fail to finish the job and won't explain why.
Q. How many Vorlon does it take to change a light bulb?
A. they won't. They will just manipulate the younger races into doing it for them.
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The one with nationstaters is killing me!!!
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the NS joke reminded me somewhat of the lexicon :P
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Q: How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do
with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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For the cultured among you...
Q: How many baritones does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They can't get up that high.
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Q: How many jewsih mothers does it take to change the light bulb?
A: None "oh ill just sit here in the dark all alone, do what you want, dont change the light bulb for your poor mother"
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a: One
q: How many psychics does it take to change a light bulb.
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how many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
none thats a hard ware problom
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How many irishmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to hold the bulb and one to turn the chair around.
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Q. How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Feminists can't change anything.
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How many Amish do you need to change a light bulb?
None, they can't find the kerosene tank...
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Because they are my favourite.
Q. How many aerospace engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. It's not rocket science, you know!
Hey! I pretend to be an aerospace engineer!!! For your info...it ain't rocket science. (The answer is still "none" though because rocket science is all they know and couldn't change a light bulb if they wanted to! Don't believe me? Ask how long the lot of us sat in the dark once!!!! :D )
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Q: How many psychologist does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. The lightbulb has to change itself!
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q: How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They can't - the light bulb hides behind the curtains every time they come near the house.
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Q. How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change A Light Bulb?
Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our
whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid
burned out bulb?
Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not
up to code.
Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
Rottweiler: Make me.
Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can
I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I lead these people from
the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one
more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of
the situation.
Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the
walls and furniture.
Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light
bulb?
Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the
dark.
Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there ...
Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
New Zealand Sheep Dog: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a
little cluster...
Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do
it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
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q: how many methodists does it take to change a light bulb?
a. Seven. ONe to change the bulb and six to make the pot roast.
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That made no sense, and I'm a Methodist!
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Ah well. I thought it was a clever pun on the fact that Methodists always seem to be having lunches and stuff.
Q: How many sado-masochists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to hold it and one to kick the chair out from under him.
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How many Badasses does it take to change a lightbulb?
ONE BADASS!
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Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. He just has to prove that it exists first.
That was crap...
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For the cultured among you...
Q: How many baritones does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They can't get up that high.
Got it. ;) (also works for altos, lol)
Here's the opposite of that.
Q: How many (tenors/sopranos, take your pick) does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, they hold up the lightbulb and the world revolves around them.
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How many policemen does it take to change a lightbulb....
Six....one to smash it with his truncheon and five to swear it fell down the stairs.....
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Apologies for the double-post....I just had to......
How many Iraquis does it take to change a lightbulb.....
None....they just hang the old one in the hope that solves the problem.....
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For the cultured among you...
Q: How many baritones does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They can't get up that high.
Got it. ;) (also works for altos, lol)
Here's the opposite of that.
Q: How many (tenors/sopranos, take your pick) does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, they hold up the lightbulb and the world revolves around them.
That is so very very true. Well, about sopranos at least. Tenors are so much more humble ;)
Q: How many stage crew does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One to change the lightbulb
Twenty to bitch to the union about how that's not in the contract.
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Q: How many ADD kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Let's go ride bikes!
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Q: How many crypto-communists does it take to change a light-bulb?
A: CHANGE??!!!
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Q. How many Socialist Workers Party members does it take to change
a lightbulb.
A. Four. One to change the bulb, one to write about it for "the
paper", one to sell you "the paper" and another to follow you home and
ask why you weren't at the bulb changing, if you plan to make the next
one and if you were still as committed.
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Q: How many junkies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Oh wow, is it like dark, man?
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Q: How many divorce lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 3 - one to argue for the rights of the old lightbulb, one to argue
for the rights of the new lightbulb, and one to argue for the rights of
the light socket
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q: How many wives does it take to change a lighbulb?
A. Only one, and she just has to scramble up the pile of handbags to reach it.
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Q. How many historians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. I dunno - not my period.
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How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
1. Two: One to change it and one to chase away any men that try to help her.
2. It's a trick question: Feminists can't change anything!
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How many confederates does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they'd have their slave do it
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Q:how many vogons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:42
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Q. How many revisionist historians does it take to change a
lightbulb?
A. In actual fact, against popular consensus, the lightbulb was
never actually changed.
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Q:How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb????
A:Fish.....
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Q. How many Scottish historians does it take to change a lightbulb.
A. All of them, because they are sick of living under the shadow of
England for so long.
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Q: How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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Rofl
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Q:how many vogons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:42
lmao
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Q. How many voyeurs does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Only one, but they'd much rather watch someone else do it.
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Q. How many Socialist Workers Party members does it take to change
a lightbulb.
A. Four. One to change the bulb, one to write about it for "the
paper", one to sell you "the paper" and another to follow you home and
ask why you weren't at the bulb changing, if you plan to make the next
one and if you were still as committed.
Fucking Trotskyists...
Q: How many AFLers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One to represent the United Tungsten Temperers
One to represent the Brotherhood of Glassworkers
One to represent the Copper Workers Union
One to represent the views of John Sweeny's office
One "ambassador" from the Change to Win Coalition
One to determine how changing the lightbulb will benefit the Democratic Party
One Wobbly to actually change the lightbulb when they're all bickering.
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Q: How many Uichi Ryans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Who needs light? It's more fun to feel your way through an orgy...
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How many Myrorians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two: One to change it and one to stone him for defying the light of God.
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Q: How many customer service representatives does it take to change a
lightbulb?
A: 5. One to incorrectly diagnose the problem, 2 to repeat the first
rep's notes to the customer, and one to inform the customer that the
lightbulb changing service is no longer available in that location.
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Q: How many customer service representatives does it take to change a
lightbulb?
A: 5. One to incorrectly diagnose the problem, 2 to repeat the first
rep's notes to the customer, and one to inform the customer that the
lightbulb changing service is no longer available in that location.
thats only 4
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Q: How many Palistinians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 2. One to negotiate with the old bulb and one to shoot at it at the
same time.
Bah.
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Q: How many Israelis does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One to claim all the territory surrounding the lightbulb
One to install a new lightbulb socket and lightbulb, leaving the old one where it is
One to blame the old lightbulb for all of their problems
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how many Bravehearts to change a Lightblulbs?
2, one to give a specch about it,1 to change it
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How many Torontonians does it take to change a lightbulb?
5,304,100. 1 to screw it in, the other 5,304,099 to talk about what a world class event it was.
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How many students does it take to change a lightbulb?
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How many Lexiconians does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They would rather leave everybody in the dark.
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roflmao
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I don't know any lightbulb jokes... but that was just fuckin funny!!
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I bow to your lightbulb joke superiority, Talmann. That was brilliant.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.
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Q. How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change A Light Bulb?
A1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our
whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid
burned out bulb?
A2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not
up to code.
A3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
A4. Rottweiler: Make me.
A5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
A6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can
I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
A7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I lead these people from
the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one
more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of
the situation.
A8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the
walls and furniture.
A9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light
bulb?
A10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the
dark.
A11. Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
A12. Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there ...
A13. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
A14. New Zealand Sheep Dog: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a
little cluster...
A15. Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do
it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
The Cat's Answer: "Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light
bulbs. So, the real question is: How long will it be before I can expect
some light, some dinner, and a massage?"
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Thank y'all... but I'm afraid I don't got any more right now...
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How many Goths does it take to change a lightbulb.???
None...they painted it black and will never realise it's blown.....
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Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the stated task in a
timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following
agreement:
Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "The Lawyer", and the party
of the second part, also known as "The Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith
agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall
be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform
previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise
illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entry
way, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by
the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of
the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the
aforementioned agreement between the parties. The aforementioned removal
transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:
1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at
his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of
elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party
of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, said
direction being non-negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the
second part (Light Bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part
(Lawyer) with every possible caution by the party of the first part (Lawyer) to
maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (Light Bulb),
notwithstanding the aforementioned failure of the party of the second part
(Light Bulb) to perform the aforementioned customary and agreed upon duties.
The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural
failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) may be incidental to the
aforementioned failure to perform and in such case the party of the first part
(Lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as this
agreement is concerned so long as the non-negotiable directional codicil
(counter-clockwise) is observed by the party of the first part (Lawyer)
throughout.
2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb)
becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of
the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the
second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state,
local and federal statutes.
3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first
part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of
the fourth part("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner
consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this
selfsame document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a
clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable.
NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party
of the first part (Lawyer), by said party of the first part (Lawyer), by his
heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him to do so, the
objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of
the aforementioned front (north) door consistent with maximization of ingress
and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "The Firm".
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Tom Cruise...
Burnt-out lightbulb...
No stepladder...
Mission Impossible
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Q: How many members of the Impossible Missions Force does it take to
change a light bulb?
A: Five: While Cinnamon creates a diversion by wearing a skimpy dress,
I use a tiny narcotic dart to knock out the fascist dictator and
remove his body. Rollin, wearing a plastic mask, masquerades as the
dictator long enough for Barney to sneak up to the next floor, drill a
hole down into the light fixture, remove the burned-out bulb, and
replace it with a new super-high wattage model of his own design.
Meanwhile, Willie has driven up to the door in a laundry truck. Just
before Rollin's real identity is revealed, we escape to the laundry
truck, drive to the airfield, and return to the United States.
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How many Jews does it take to screw in a lightbulb.
None, that's why they hire other people.
I know tha joke isn't funny, but it's the only lightbulb joke I know.
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Q: How many Valley Girls does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Oooh, like, manual labor? Gag me with a spoon! For sure.
(Notes: Valley Girls is a term used to describe a category of young females
from certain parts of California who are noted among other things for using
vast quantities of previously non-existent slang.)
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Q: How many members of a (given demographic group) does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: N+1 (where N is a positive whole number) — one to hold the lightbulb and N to behave in a fashion generally associated with a negative stereotype of that group.
Damn wikipedia cracks me up sometimes....
How many Wikipedia editors doe sit take to change a light bulb
One to change it
One to write an article about it
One to argue about the neutrality of the article
One to write "lol litebulbs r ghey!" on it.
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how many people does it take to change a lightbulb in the lexicon???
It's difficult to say because Ip and Catthy have banned all the new lightbulbs.....and all the people who knew how to change a lightbulb.....
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Q: How many Bush Administration officials does it take to screw in a
light bulb?
A: None. There is nothing wrong with the light bulb; it's condition is
improving every day. Any reports of it's lack of incandescence are
totally unfounded, and the result of delusional "spin" assaults from the
fanatic, elitist, liberal media. That light bulb has served honorably,
and anything you say undermines the lighting effect and dims it's ego.
Why do you hate freedom?
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Q: How many ADD/ADHD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Let's go play video games...!!!
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Q:How many depressives does it take to change a lightbulb???
A:Oh...great...it's dark...well that's so bloody typical....why does the bulb always blow out on me???
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Q: How many Zen masters does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: The master lifted the tea tray.
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Q. How many Englishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. None. They'd rather curse the darkness.
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How many does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
All, and none, for the lightbulb is here and yet there
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Q: How many kids with ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) does it take to
change a lightbulb?
A: Hey! Do you wanna go ride bikes?
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How many pessimists does it take to change a light bulb?
None they just sit in the dark and cry :(:(:(:(
Thought id revive the furthermost down thread ;)
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Why?
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Why ask why?
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Because it's better than apathy.
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If you say so.
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He clearly does.
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Bustos has submitted. He is no longer of any significance.
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Then why do you feel the need to stop me?
Cuz you fear me.
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Yeah, fear you like a fox!
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Just nudging my PC up to 1500.
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1500? thats it?
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I, unlike you, have no need to compensate for anything with a virtual penis. :-P
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And thats why you want to hit my number?
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Yes, I want your virtual dick.
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as long as you admit it.
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How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Hahaa, trick question, feminists can't change anything!
(Posted this before in Jokes, but it ought to be here instead.)
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How many parent's basement dwelling nerds does it take to change a light bulb?
No one knows, they never use em.
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How many texans does it takes to change a light bulb?
None:
*bang! bang! pop!*
"Yeehaw, I hit another one!"
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Q: How many bureaucrats does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Nineteen. One to propose the change, another to nominate it, twelve more to form a special committee, one to fill out all the forms, three to oversee the task, and one to actually do it (if they have enough funding).
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Q: How many Ska kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 9, one to drop it and the rest to, Pick it up, Pick it up, Pick it up!
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How many Talmudic scholars does it take to change a lightbulb?
500. One to make the argument that the lightbulb MUST be changed, due to a verse in the Tanakh (Old Testament), one to make the argument that, under an obscure passage of Torah (Pentateuch), the lightbulb must NOT be changed, one to make the argument that the lightbulb can be changed or not changed, as anyone wishes, one to have a completely obscure and impossible to understand point that is, well, impossible to understand, 495 to argue for a millennium over the issue, and one to hire a shabbus goy to change the darn lightbulb.
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Q: How many divorce lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 3 - one to argue for the rights of the old lightbulb, one to argue
for the rights of the new lightbulb, and one to argue for the rights of
the light socket
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Q: How many Lakers does it take to screw in the lighbulb?
A: 14. Kobe doesn't need anybody else...he can suck alone.
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Q: How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: God, you mean that lazy maid didn't do it yet? Maria, get your BROWN ASS in here or I'll have you deported!
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Q: How many Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:None, they lost the job to the Chinese.
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No they lost their job to the MEXICANS. MEHICANOS! Invada de bordera anda steala me jobera! Si. Si. You understand.
God I hate rednecks.
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Q: How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they too lost their jobs to the Chinese. No one can be cheaper than us.
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How many homeless does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they got no homes...
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How many fanboys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Infinity plus one...they'll be too busy being wrong about the PS3 to twist the lightbulb...though I heard Kristen Bell would help.
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(in no way does this joke represent my opinion on the military)
Q:How many military commanders does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Six...one to draft out the location of the light fixture on a map, one to manage the logistics in bringing in the new light bulb, one to manage logistics to bring in the chair, two tactical commanders to remove the light bulb (in which one gets sniped), and one to screw in the new light bulb, and one to cover the retreat of the others.
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How many smileys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A few million...it would be pretty difficult to screw in a lightbulb using only a round body without hands!
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How many postmodernists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Fish!
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?
One. A broken one that is.
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How many boring people does it take to change a lightbulb?
One.
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HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA... I think I wet myself
:P
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Kuinka monta CMX-fania tarvitaan vaihtamaan sähkölamppu?
Riippuu siitä mitä tarkoitetaan "sähköllä!"
(Wouldn't survive translation.)
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How many Taijitans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. We're not stupid.
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How many Bara's doe it take to screw in a lightbulb?
On
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How many Bara's doe it take to screw in a lightbulb?
On
Rofl!
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Lightbulb?
Lightbulb!
LoLbulb!
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Q: How many kids with ADD does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Want to ride bikes?