Granted Wishes

[Solnath]

Granted, but you lose your sight while invisible.

I wish for a thousand squirrels.

[Tarrotown]

Granted! Unfortunately your house is destroyed by Martian Tripods from War of the Worlds, atomizing the squirrels instantly, along with you.

I wish a Laser Diode Module, because the ad under the spell check said I should.

[Tacolicious]

Orsis, No troubles my friend 

Granted, but this sets a dangerous precedence and the next ad you see is for gay bondage domination.

I wish that this thread has a long and prosperous life and brings joy to many people throughout the region and around the world.

[Tarrotown]

While all this joy and happiness is happening it leaves a window of opportunity open for an invasion by floating brains from space.

I wish I had a penny for my thoughts.

[Solnath]

Granted, but that's all you get. A single penny for anything you think and no one ever listens to your ideas.

I wish patriots could be a bit less disgusting.

[Allama]

Granted, but by being less disgusting they become more appealing to the ignorant public and the absolute worst of them are elected to office in every election for all time.  Enjoy your military dictatorship.

I wish I didn't have to go to work again tomorrow.

[Solnath]

I will, thanks.

Granted, but you get fired and run out of money.

I wish that my roommate would get on with our RP campaign.

[Algerianbania]

Granted. But she does it with a very annoying significant other who smells absolutely awful and has a high pitched shriek.

I wish that I could play guitar like a master.

[Tacolicious]

Granted you now play guitar like a master blacksmith.

I wish ducks had the vote

[Algerianbania]

Granted but they are mutant ducks that eat everything they see

I wish that I could talk with Jesus

[Tacolicious]

Granted but Jesus just wants to talk about episodes of Battlestar Galactica since he's adopted a "been there done that" stance on the whole salvation/enlightenment thing.

I wish Jesus would stop spoiling episodes of BSG that I haven't seen yet.

[Algerianbania]

Granted but now he will only talk about how his holy pet goldfish, Splicky, keeps dying and coming back to life.

I wish that I could be really strong.

[Solnath]

Granted, but you can't touch anything without breaking it.

I wish I would get infatuated with someone more often.

[Tacolicious]

Granted, how's it going?

I wish people would stop thinking that pizza is a cheap date, I just like pizza and it's one of the few types of restaurants that guarantees vegetarian dishes

[Solnath]

It's not.

Granted, but everyone will think you're bourgeois for eating pizza and socialists will hit you with sticks. (They can't afford anything worse, don't worry.)

I wish Taijitu would be more awake at decent, humane times like now.